So, not much went on this week. Talked to Matt a la emo last night... why do I subject myself to the confusion?

Mondays the fiesta and sunday brig and Marielle are coming over to help me cook which should be awesome. My house may be small... but its still rad. I'll finally see John monday... for the first time in like 7 weeks. As well as Matt a la selfishness, who I haven't seen in ever longer. Katy won't be back yet... sigh... but what can ya do?

Eri is finally back from Bolivia, and I just spent some time working out with Daniel... who'll prolee end up meeting John monday... sigh. I lover him, but I hope he doesn't do anything. Daniel is young... only 14... but he is very very built... and I'm pretty sure he's bigger than John... and will not hesitate to scare him.

Sick and Tired of this world There's no more air Trippin' over myself Goin nowhere Waiting Suffocating No direction And I took a dive And on the way down I saw you And you saved me From myself And I won't forget The way you loved me On the way down Almost fell right through But I held onto you I've been wondering whyIt's only me Have you always been inside Waiting to breathe It's alright Sunlight On my face I wake up and yeah, I'm alive 'cause on the way down I saw you And you saved me From myself And I won't forget The way you loved me On the way down Almost fell right through But I held onto youI was so afraid Of going under But now The weight of the world Feels like nothing, no, nothing Down, down, down You're all I wanted Down, down, down You're all I needed Down, down, down You're all I wanted You're all I needed And I won't forget the way you loved me All that I wanted All that I needed On the way downI saw you And you saved me From myself And I won't forget The way you loved me On the way downI almost fell right through But I held onto you Down, down, down But I held onto you Down, down, down But I held onto you

I'm getting into you, because you got into me in a way that words can't describe. I'm getting into you because I need to be, you're essential to survive..."

So purple door was awesome, although Pillar and Blindside got rained out on friday night. Saturday started off very rainy as well, causing alot of mud, in turn causing alot of mud fighst.. which was alot of fun. Project 86 was great, but they got into trouble for letting (and encouraging) the kids to throw mud at the band too.. the stage was covered completely in mud.. they were awesome. There were tons of bands, the best being the O.C. Supertones and Relient K. Further seems forever was alright... they had a good set but like no stage presence, which was thuroughly dissapointing. Ryan Dobson was the speaker and he was hillarious, and cool hand luke did the worship... but not such a good job at it. They did some hymns and no one got into it, it would have been so much better if they had done some rock-worship songs. I met the awesomest guy during the O.C. supertones though.. and unfortunately Five iron frenzy wasn't there either. Le sigh. I heart ska. More awesome people during the Relient K set.. They blew up giant snowmen and polar bears and instead of throwing a beach ball around, it was a giant lizzard. There were "I mosh for Jesus" shirts, and I bought a rock for life shirt that says "Abortion is homocide" on one side and "You will not silence my message, You will not mock my God, and you will not destroy my generation. I am not ashamed" on the back. The RK mosh was soo much fun.. I was one of the only girls in it.. when I get the pics back, I'll upload them.

I am now sponsoring a little girl from Guatemala. Her name is Evelyn and she is 4 years old and she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her eyes shine like fire.

You don't know fun until you've jumped off of a bridge into a creek.

And you don't know pain until you've shared an RV with 7 other people (Jessie, Edwin, Johnny, Jon, Mike, Jeremy, and Alex) without showering and playing in the mud for 3 days straight.

In other news, I'll be getting home tonitearound 8:30/9 pm, finally. Then I've gotta start saving up my money cause I'm coming back upstate sept. 6 (?) to see "Gospel Gangsta's"... My friends KJ and Los will be there... they're rappers but still awesome.

Talked to John last nite... why does he hit on everything he sees? This being a dude cousin and inanimate objects?

Its okay... he makes up for his stupidity with other things. Like his big ears... and lack of balance... and that finger thingy.

I can't stop talking about him. I've gone all Marielle.

Gah.

Okay... I'm shutting up now.

As I speak I am preparing to leave for the ultra awesome purple door festival. Hoorah!!! Yesterday I went swimming in the creek which was awesome. I actually jumped off of a bridge into the water. Jessuh is upset... and won't tell me why... which makes me think it has something to do with me. While she was in the shower I was talking with Edwin... and I know she gets jelouse very easily... but that couldn't have set it off. I mean... I talked with him... that was all.

And I am absolutely crazy about someone else.

gah.

dont say we're not right for eachother... the way I see it is that we aren't right for anyone else.

Por mi amor... sorta...

I can't imagine all the people that you know And the places that you go When the lights are turned down low And I don't understand all the things you've seen But i'm slipping inbetween You and your big dreams It's always you In my big dreams And you tell me that it's over Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover And your restless, and i'm naked You've gotta get out You can't stand to see me shaking No Could you let me go? I didn't think so And you don't wanna be here in the future So you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past And you don't wanna look much closer Cuz your afraid to find out all this hopeYou had sent into the sky by now had crashed And it did Because of me And then you bring me home Afraid to find out that you're alone And i'm sleeping in your living room We don't have much room to live I had these dreams that i learned to play guitar Maybe cross the country Become a rock star And there was hope in me that i could take you there But dammit you're so young Well i don't think i care And if i hurt you Then i'm sorry Please don't think that this was easy Then you bring me homeCuz we both know what it's like to be alone And i'm dreaming in your living room We don't have much room to live And konstantine is walking down the stairs Doesn't she look good Standing in her underwear And i was thinking What i was thinking We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere My Konstantine came walking down the stairs And all that i could do is touch her long blonde hair And i've been thinking It hurts me thinking that these nightsWhen we were drinking no they never got us anywhere No This is because i can spell konfusion with a k And i like it It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it It's to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car When the first star you see may not be a starI'm not your star Isn't that what you said What you thought this song meant And if this is what it takes Just to lie in my mistakes And live with what i did to you And all the hell I put you through I always catch the clock It's 11:11 And now you want to talk It's not hard to dream You'll always be my konstantine Konstantine, they'll never hurt you like i do No they'll never hurt you like i do No, no, no no no no no no This is to a girl who got into my head With all the pretty things she did Hey You know You keep me up in bed This is to a girl who got into my head With all the fucked up things i did Hey Maybe Baby You could keep me up in bed My Konstantine Spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen And i said Did you know i missed you? Oh god i miss you And then you bring me home And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no And you'll kiss me in your living room I know You'll miss me in your living room Cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room We don't have much room I said does anybody need that room? Because we all need a little more room To live My Konstantine


Heres to quote Edwin... =)

"Will not understand the laws that bind them,will not find a way to break these laws,to oppose the doom that will undermine them..They search for a saviour,but there will be none.... "

hey hey hey

So guess what my dear and faithful readers... I am as you speak upstate, watching Edwin and Jessuh try and make pancakes... key word "try". My dad thought it would be best if I left early for my weekend getaway... thus, here I am. The bus trip was long... almost 5 hours... and boring. I pretty much just read and listened to music the entire time. I couldn't sleep because there was just to much to see... And I wrote another one of my marvelous letters for John. Although I don't know if I'll give it to him, considering most of it is snesless babbling and it doesn't make much sense. Edwin is a pretty cool guy... he's really nice and he treats Jess well... and he has an accent... a hollamd-land accent!!!

So jah... missing John ("el greco") like a fat boy misses chocolate cake... sigh. He'll be home tommorrow, and hopefully I'll talk to him sunday or monday. It's really uber pathetico how much I've been thinking about him this week. It's probably because I know he's comming home soon, and things keep going crappily.

So here's a song to the imposter of my math class...

As if it happening wasn't enough I got to go and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked Ignore the sun, covers over my head Wrote a message on my pillow that says "Jesse, stay asleep in bed" Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!) Search your shelf for something which to hang yourself They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven But they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to Hell..So is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids Have another drink and drive yourself home I hope there's ice on all the roads And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield Is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back So let's end this call and end this conversation And is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say "best friends" means friends forever

yeah so things have been busy... work has been alot busier, so not much time to update. I'm goin to Jessuh's thursday... and am uber excited.. I miss her terribly. Got into a fight with my dad and he said I couldn't go to the fiesta... but I'll find a way. John will be home in 2 days.. 2 days!!!!hoorah! I mean... I won't even speak to him until I get back from upstate, but he'll be home. =) "Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical and waiting through all your bad bad days just to end them with someone you care about... and do you like making out and long drives and brown eyes and guys that just don't quite fit in..."

In other news... Happy birthday Ed!!!!!!!! I love you, even though you smell funny and have moon eyes...

Matts home... hoorah!! Hopefully I'll see him thursday... I found the perfect place to take everyone when everyones here... Jahns.. its on 117 and myrtle. Anyway I must be on about my work... call me if yourboored...i need all the attention I can get...

<3 Jen

PS I've built a bridge... muahahahaha... and I blame Pyro...

There was a conscious effort played by me,To disown anything I see, There was a girl I knew, Way back when, Who says she doesn't know me anymore, These are the lies the things you never mention, These are my past mistakes I'll stay away from,These are my thoughts written down on paper, It's my only savior, From not saying what I want to say,These are the thoughts that are on my mind, Moments that haven't yet been defined, And I don't know if you could ever understand,These are the things I can't say when were alone.There were countless hours on the telephone, My ears were ringing from the dial tone, There were flashing lights,People staring, There was nothing I could ever do, These are the lies the things you never mention, These are my past mistakes I'll stay away from, This is the truth,The only time you'll here it,I write it down because it seems so hard to say it,

So birthday weekend was a blast.

Hit the Jeckyl and Hyde club with like 14 of my friends, went on the ferris wheele at the Time square toys R us, and then went to the village. Muy fun... I didn't get home until like 1:30. Next day Yanni called... we only talked for like 10 minutes but I was (am) so happy, it really made my day. 3 weeks is longer than it seems. The day he gets home, I'll be upstate for the purple door concert... which is a christian rock thing that lasts 2 days... way cool. I dunno if I'm hitting warped, I don't really have to decide until saturday morning, so I guess it depends on how I'm feeling then. Le sigh.... only 17 more days until he's home... although I wont be home... and he'll be jet lagged... anyway, I'm at work so I must bid you farewell...

adios

Jen