Carpe diem
Okay so I am no longer livid, but I have come to the conclusion that I'm not hanging out before or after school for a while. I'm not really doing anyone good, and if things get better, this is subject to change. I'm trying to look to the bright side of things. I'm searching for a job this summer... I need the money. Dad still might pull me out of prep though, which totally sucks. If I get my over all average above a 90 ill definately stay though. right now my overall average is an 80.3.... which is really bad. I only need to raise my avg 10 more points though, and i have this quarter plus the final to do so. I also figured stuff out for honor academy... its $6,000 for the 12 months and it includes books, dorms, food, and all major costs like transportation to and from airports. its a 12 month internship and i get 10 days off for christmas, 5 anytime days, and weekends to visit family. I can have visitors at any time as long as I'm not on retreat, but i cant leave much. I also cdan't have an outside job or go 2 college during year one. If I stay for another year, I can do college at the same time, but I doubt I'll be able to afford it. I also need spending money and stuff like that to wash clothes and traveling back and forth and stuff. I have to find out about internet access and phones and stuff. There's also a no-boyfriend/girlfriend policy because its suppossed to be focusing on your relationship with Christ and stuff, but I know people who go there who have girlfriends/boyfriends anyway. It's not a big deal to me though, if I'm called to missions I probably won't be getting married or having kids or anything anyway. I mean, it's hard to just support yourself... but a family? It totally has to be God's will. My dad doesnt really support my decision to do honor academy, but if it's God's will, He'll provide. I hope Cory goes too because he's the only person I know who was considering it and I don't want to be alone. I'm kind of worried about scholarships for college after honor academy though... I mean like 85% of intersn get scholarships... but it'll still be hard. And I'll probably lose the credits I get while still in highschool. It's alright gough... I have two years to figure all of this out.

By the way... I didn't mean what I said yesterday, I was just angry. I love my friends and I trully thank God for them... I don't know where I'd be without them. And I'm really sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Hey Laura... I might be going to Britain!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darleen invited me if she goes with her fam and my dads thinking about it!! SHE SAID SHE'D PAY!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

In case you couldn't tell, I'm in a significantly better mood. I have to study now. Bye bye and mucho deniero <333

To you, August in Bethany will be my song. And you know who you are... if you have not heard it... download it and listen very carefully... for my soul is bleeding for you. (Julianna theory)

Carpe Diem and worlds apart <33

Steve was horrifically mean to me today... i am livid. I can understand why he'd dislike me and not want to be around me... but he didnt have to be so mean. I literally felt like I was goingto cry. It's hard enough just looking into his eyes everyday, he doesn't have to make me feel like crap. grrr...

to be continued

Worlds apart

I’m trying so hard not to get angry. My dad’s pulling me out of prep next year. I really hope this is one of those things that he’s just saying and not doing anything about, but I have a feeling it’s not. There’s also all this stuff with Steve and stuff. I don’t know. There’s just so much going on. I need a break from the world. I can’t think of anything funny to write about lately and I can never come up with clever remarks or anything. Kimberly is a rat. A big stupid rat. I can’t believe I actually trusted her with anything, all she ever does is run and tell daddy. Stupid girl. And my dad has been so retarded because he broke up with Jaymie that he’s taking everything out on us. Cursing and yelling and screaming all of the time and trying to make us feel as bad as he does. That’s actually how he says it. “You guys make me miserable so now I’m going to treat you with the same respect”. It just hurts you know, I mean I need a dad sometimes. I don’t have a mom and he’s all I’ve got, and yet I don’t even have him. I don’t know. I’m trying not to be sad. Trying not to cry. Trying to think of all my friends who aren’t really friends… not that they don’t try… but they have their own problems. They don’t need me to bring them down. I’m really trying to be strong and I know that maybe tomorrow I’ll be happy again. Maybe even later on today, I just need to think of happy thoughts… This is hard when you don’t have much to be happy for. At least I’ve got a nose. To be nose-less would be bad. So I’m glad. For at least I have a nose.

I’ll be around, only if you want me to be there by your side. I’m ready for you.

Okay, I guess now it’s time to talk about my life, and more specifically, Steve. I was planning on just writing a short on those little squishy spiky ball things with those string-like adornments attached to their base, but I decided that maybe writing will help me feel better and get over whatever it is I’m in right now. So yes, Wednesday I broke up with Steve, my boyfriend of 14 weeks, 3 days. Some people might have a problem with me writing down everything here for the world to see, but I just need to express my self. And this little blog has been helping me do that for over a year. Now lets get this straight, I do love Steve. I will always love him. He was the first guy I’ve ever loved and dated. He’s also one of my best friends. I know I sound like a jerk, and in a way I kind of am. I never wanted to hurt him and that’s what I did… And trust me… it hurt me A LOT more than it could ever hurt him. Ever. Do any of you know what it’s like to break up with a guy you’re still in love with, being the break up-er? Most of you don’t. And every time I see him in the halls or after school I feel like I’m breaking. I have to make sure that I don’t look into his eyes for too long because it hurts too much. I mean I have to admit, things are getting better. I’m not crying all of the time anymore. And I don’t feel like I’m about to die a most painful death, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. I really believe God made me stronger so I could do what I had to do… It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. And why did I break up with this wonderful guy, you ask? Well for one, he isn’t Christian. And that goes completely against my beliefs. I mean being so involved with a guy who doesn’t have the same values as you is hard. And when I say Christian I don’t mean the whole “go to church every Sunday and did CCD when I was 8” Christian. I mean someone who actually has a relationship with the Lord. I mean maybe Steve was on his way there, but he has to be there before anything can happen. It would be nice if maybe someday we could get back together, but it would have to be under those circumstances; after he has a relationship with Christ. And then we’d have to start out as friends and work our way up. I mean yeah I know it sounds stupid to all of those who don’t understand where I’m coming from. But this is something I NEED. I just can’t have a non-Christian boyfriend. If I’m going to give a guy my entire heart, he needs to have the same wants and desires as me. And what I desire is for God to take complete control over my life. And I mean this isn’t the only reason that I broke up with him. I’m not really stable or anything and I’m just getting out of this deep depression that I’ve been in for almost 9 months. I need time right now and I can’t have a boyfriend quite yet. And when I do, he needs to be Christian, and he also needs to be the guy that God wants me to be with. I don’t really care what all you out there who don’t agree with me think. I followed my heart, and I know that as long as I do that, I can’t go wrong. Yeah, it’s hard now… But I know things will get better and easier with time. The hurt will go away and I’ll get over this. But I know I’ll never stop loving him. Maybe the kind of love will change, but it’ll never stop. I never lied to him. I’ll love him forever

The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

Just from this, you can probably tell I’m not a very violent person. I don’t like war and killing and death. I can’t even bear of the though of innocent people dying or being forced to “fight for your country” that isn’t even really a country. The country I’m talking about is Iraq. I mean, in what “country” do you have absolutely no freedom. Iraqi’s don’t have the freedom to worship in their own way, speak what’s on their mind, or even DISAGREE with anything their “leader”, Saddam Hussein, says or thinks. They can’t think for themselves or make their own decisions. They have absolutely no say in what’s going on. It’s like they’re trapped. Okay, so yeah, some of them agree with Hussein and everything that’s going on. But that’s mostly because they’re brainwashed and led to believe that they’re doing what their god wants them to do. They think that they’ll be rewarded in heaven as martyrs and that the slaughter of so many innocent people is somehow honorable.

But then again, there are also a lot of people living in the Middle East who don’t agree with Saddam’s tactics and are forced to live this way. If they say what’s on their minds their tongues are cut off or they die. Children are being forced to fight, or their parents will be killed. I mean they’re KIDS. Of course they’re going to fight. They’re scared to death. Saddam is sort of like Stalin… everything going on is like the great purge. People have no say in anything and if they say anything against Saddam, they’re simply killed and pushed out of the way. People are scared into just complying with Saddam. He needs to be taken down… permanently. I mean usually I’m anti-death and anti-war and just anti-violence in general (and I mean real life violence… it’s different with video games and TV and talking about ruling the world and stuff… People are actually dying). When murderers are convicted to death, I get so upset because a) they’re not really suffering for their crimes and b) If they stay in jail, at least they might get a chance to know God and learn from their mistakes. Even if they deserve to die, I’m still against it. But with people like Saddam, they need to be taken down before things get any worse. I mean he’s killing his own people. He doesn’t care about anything and has been out to get us for a long time. I mean, we gave them 12 years to get rid of their weapons of mass destruction… 12 years. It’s about time we did something about it. I completely support our troops out there.

And all these protesters are out in Manhattan waving their anti-war signs… WE ARE ALREADY IN WAR! A protest isn’t going to do anything. People keep on talking about how bad a leader President Bush is, that he’s just really a big eared dope. But the truth is, the president is doing all he can for this nation. For Iraq. This war is about a lot more than oil… it’s about freedom. He cares about his country and isn’t just some wuss who complies with what’s going on, sitting around and hoping for it to get better. He’s taking action and that’s what this country needs. I’m just glad Gore isn’t our president. He’s just some rich loser who’s in it for the glory. I totally support President Bush and the decisions he’s making for our country. It’s time the rest of us took a stand. After 9/11 no one was talking about how cruel it is to go to war with a third world country. No one was complaining. We’ve had numerous terrorist attacks launched on us and it’s about time we did something about it. Again, I’m not saying I’m pro-war or anything, but I am pro-USA and I will stand up for my country. I am proud to be an American.


Before I leave, lets all take some time out of our busy lives to just pray for those at war right now; not only American soldiers, but all the innocent Iraqi civilians being killed. I know this is so clichéd and overused but I think they need our prayers most. No matter what religion or where you come from, stand up for your country and take just a second to think about everyone fighting for freedom.

mucho amor <33

broken
broke up with steve. I feel stupid. God's still keeping me strong... but I still feel broken. blah blah blah... I can't find all the peices. I mean I still love him... ALOT... but I can't be with him... not now. not for awhile. I miss him. He looked at me like he was trying to kill me with his eyes... and it was working. I feel so broken. The whole time I just wanted him to hjold me and kiss me and blah. Sometimes I am so stupid..

... my dad just finished calling me a liar and yelling at me and saying that hes gonna tell my pastor that I was gambling which i wasnt doing. I hate this place sometimes. So many things are being thrown at me. My dad hates me. I know he does. If he didn't hate me why would he go out of his way to hurt me. I'm already dying inside because of Steve and all my dad does is fight with me even though he knows what happened. He's starting arguments with me for no reason. I just want to sleep for a few decades. Maybe things wouldn't hurt anymore. In a way I'm still strong from Blizzard... but everytime my dad looks at me I see the hatred in his eyes. I'm not sure I can take this anymore. I don't know what to do. I just wish he loved me... I'd do anything for that. Blah.

Burn... set the world on fire
Oh and I won an i53 t-shirt!! tee hee!!

I forgot to mention stuff about the global expeditions video wich was amazing and heart touching... if you wanna know more about it call me or something cause it's too much to explain right now other than the fact that it made me give away almost all my spending money and vow to do a mission trip this summer. The theme was "Burn... set the world on fire" and it had pictures of kids and all that stuff and the music... and oh it was just made really really well.

Transform
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever -increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the spirit. --2nd Corinthians 3:18

So I've just gtotten home from blizzard and although it wasn't as good as last year, It has completely rocked my world. The theme this year was "transform" and I can honestly say that God has completely changed my life. It happens every blizzard and a few months later every time, I fall back to the way I was before or even worse. But it's not happening this year. Like a good friend once said "It's not hard to get through anything when you just get back from a youth retreat or a missions trip.. The spiritual high is still there. The real challenge is a month later when your faced with something difficult... The real challenge is when your tempted and you go through trials... When you could take the easy road or the road with God... Thats the real challenge. My advice to you, Never let Him go." And I'm planning on never letting Him go... never. I learned alot about myself this blizzard and perhaps the "one" and a certain blue cat I know.

Thursday night:
I packed for blizzard and left for church ecause I had to sing/dance in the spanish service. The worship cam out really well and I danced to the song "World's apart" by Jars of clay. It's one of those songs that I feel I could have written. I started crying towards the end and I had to stop dancing and get on my knees cause it was just too hard. I danced to that song with all my soul... I put my enitire being into it. The part where I started crying was perhaps the part that meant the most to me.:

Did you really have to die for me
for all I am, for all you are, with what I need and what I believe in
Oh worlds apart... and I pray
(To love you) take my world apart
(We need you) I am on my knees
(To love you) Take my world apart
(We need you) Broken on my knees
On my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life was cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and all the nails that still remains
more and more I need you now
I owe you more each passing hour
battle between grace and pride
give up not so long ago
so steel my heart and take the pain
and wash my feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
sin and so called make it close
Take my world... all
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I cant deny
watch the world I used to love
fall through cracks and blow away...

Friday:
We got to the hotel around 4 and I ended up being in a room with Devina, Mellissa, and Maria... all very nice girls, but girls I barely talk to. The service that night was okay, but no one was really feeling blizzard this year. The music was okay but it didn't really get everyone jumping and crying and crying out to God like it usually does. The preaching was really good and before the alter call the preacher (Pastor Frank Reynoso) had everyone who hasnt had evidence of the holy spirit (speaking in tounges) to stand up on their chair. So of course I stood up. During that altar call he asked anyone who was struggling with something that was keeping them from God to come up to a youth leader and get prayed for (ie: stuff like porn, cursing, friends, boyfriends, money, music... anything keeping you from Him). So I went up because I kind of have a problem with cursing and how I act around my school friends and stuff and I have a non-christian boyfriend which is kind of hard for me even though I really love him. I also went up because evry blizzard I change for the better and then 2 months later I'm back to the way I was and I want it to end. I really love God... more than anything and I want his will for my life and stuff... but I keep screwing up and pushing Him away. The youth leader who prayed for me actually ended up being my friend Caleb's brother. Samuel's 21 and Caleb is 19 and they're missionaries and youth leaders and stuff. Anyway up there he was praying for me and I was crying and he tried cheering me up and stuff cause I just felt so bad because I really wanna serve God and I keep messing up and I just don't understand how could anyone forgive me so many times for all the bad stuff Ive done.It just doesn't make sense to me sometimes. Samuel really halped me though in alotta personal stuff though and it was really great and it was a step forward... definately a step forward.

That night our church along with Bellbrook community church and some other churches... I think almost all the other churches went to Magic Mountain, this arcade laser tag/mini golf/go cart racing place around 11 pm. I was sooo happy to see my friend Kelly!! I missed her soo much! Josiah didn't go this year along with Nathan though. I met all her friends and stuff and Cory (more about him later) and we hung out the whole time. We went to laser tag and then me and Kelly went to eat and talk for a LOOOOOONG time. When we were done 4 decades later, we went to the big playground thing thay have and found Cory and Jessica and Keeley and all her other friends. Imagine one of those McDonalds play things except about 3 landings high and super huge with foam ball shooting guns. Since the moment I met Cory in that huge ball thing, I felt like I had to tell him something but I thought I was just being paranoid so I kept my mouth shut and just played tag with all of them. Later on me and Kelly pursueaded Bellbrook's youth pastor to go to Steak and Shake with my church (Shepherd's house) in which I talked more with Cory and Kelly. Then we went back to the hotel and slept for 3 hours and woke up again because we were late for prayer.

Saturday:
Went to morning service and Shepherd's house lead worship. It was awesome... They sang Ven espiritu ven... translated into english the song says : Come, Spirit come, and fill me oh lord with your prescious blood. Purify me and cleanse me renew me restore me Oh lord, with your power Purify me and cleanse me renew me restore me oh Lord I want to see your face. The preacher guy pretty much prepared us for teh service that night and asked us to write a list of things holding us bnack from God... things we need to change and put them on the altar during the last service. I'm not gonna post the list for personal reasons. Then we went to teh mall

I saw Kelly and Cory and Keely at the mall so i derived from my group who wanted to go to all hip hoppy tight jeans Velour jumpsuit stored and merged with them for a while. Went shopinng... bought a cool shirt from West 49 and some bracelts and nail polish from hot topic and met at the van at 4 o'clock. Then I found out they lost my sister. I was livid. I was so mad at Shay and Allyson for not letting her stay with me and losing her. Shay was all "well I can't MAKE her listen" but Shay as a group leader had some control and should have said something instead of letting a 12 year old girl walk away. We found her and came back and being kind of angry, I left and rode the elevators with Kelly and Keeley. We hung out and then we left for prayer.

The last service was definatley the best. The music was awesome and they showed these awesome human videos and stuff. I cried so much and I was on my knees just praying and giving my everything to God. He can have it all... I just couldnt take the that I've held inside for so long anymore. I wanted to completely seek his face... completely live for Him and Him alone. It wasn't as crazy as the years past but it was still really good. I gave my list up at the altar and I was on my knees and crying and just giving it all to God and it was amazing. I felt so happy after that... I haven't felt that happy in so long. I forgot what it felt like. All through the service I felt like I needed to tell Cory something but I wasnt sure what. I wasn't even sure it was from God or not. Anyway the end of the service came and he asked all the youth on the left who havent gotten filled to stand on their chairs and just start praising God and stuff while all the youth on the right went up and gtot prayed for. I turned around a sec and saw Cory on his chair praising and then the most happy beautiful thing when I saw Chris (not Smith or Gampit... he lives in NJ) ... my stupid little jerk.... on his chair crying and lifting his hands up and it was so beautiful. I mean if you don't know Chris then you don't know how big a deal this was. Anyway when he called the rest of us I ended up on my knees next to Cory. The feeling kept on getting stronger and stronger and I asked God "if this is from you, please give me a sign so I don't screw up". Before long i whispered everything into his ear. I don't even remeber everything I said.. it was almost like I wasn't the one speaking. Cory started crying on his knees and I just put my arm around him and told him more and more and he just kept on crying and stuff. I hugged him and we just cried into eachother for a while stuff. Afterwarsds he told me what he was going through and how he was having doubts about whether he was saved or he just thought he was and things like that. One of the things I told him was that no matter what he's His... That in his deepest darkest hours God is there and he'll never leave him... How God loves him so much and things like that. He told me how he'd been praying to God for someone to come and let him know that he was God's and that his family was praying for someone to show him that too and how he was gonna ask shepherds house to pray for him and then anyone email me if they thought God had something to tell him. And it was so cool cause I had asked God for a sign and that was kind of like my sign. We must have nbeen there for a LOOOOONG time crying and praying and hugging and talking because when we both stood up bellbrook and shepherds house were pretty much the only churches left. Even though we both didn't speak in tounges or anything... it's almost like we're connected. He's done global expeditions before and he like me is considering going to teenmania honor academy after high school instead of college. And kel;ly spoke in tounges!! I'm so proud of her. She was trembling and smiling an dcrying and everything and it was so great.

We all went to the YMCA afterwards and we found Caleb and Samuel there. We got lost though so we were a little (like an hour) late. Caleb told me about almost getting married on accident when he was 17 when he went to Guatemala and how he's leaving for there again in about a week or so. I also talked to Samuel a great deal about nothing in particular. I hung out with Cory in the gym while Kelly hung out with Dusty (another Ohio guy) and flirted by the pool. We talked about stuff while he lifted weights being the guy that he is. Then I left and got like 3 hours of sleep.

Sunday:
Pretty much just waking up and running out the door to leave. I went up and said bye to Bellbrook and took pictures and everything and agreed to come down over the summer. It was kind of important to say bye to Corey because it felt like for some reason, we are connected now. I don't know. It's like God showed him to me for a reason or something. I don't know what that reason is yet... but I guess I'll find out sooner or later. The van ride home was LOOOOOONG and Nelson fell asleep while driving so we could have died. It would have been funny if we didn't almost get into an accident. I pretty much slept on Chris' shoulder the whole time and tease him about getting touched by God. He claims that he was crying because he wanted the sound system and that's what he was praying for and he looked away and blushed and tried to change the subject everytime someone notcied the change in him. It shows how much it meant to him because he was so embarrassed by it.

Now:
So I got home ands into a fight with my dad and stuff, but it didn't ruin my blessing. I was a little sad cause im grounded for a month but I know that even though I don't deserve it and I didn't really do anything wrong. God will provide. (I really was punished for no reason) I've been writing for almost and hour so I think it's time to go now. God bless and I love you all... There's more to say but I'll say it later. Much love <33

Flood....
I have been grounded lately so that's why I havent updated. I miss writing sooo much. I don't have much to say though, this wekk has been boring. School sucks, dad is getting married to Satan (Jaymie), and I keep on having weird dreams involving Chris Smith (no it doenst have anything to do with you Laura poo). Richie is now helping me in geometry wich is really great... i need to call him later on today for more help. I hung out with Smith and Sam on wensday to avoid going home. All we did was go to the mall and eat tacos/hang out at sam goody... but I still didnt get home till after 7 wich was good. I hate home most of the time. I've kinda been under house arrest for a while... but blizzard is coming!!! friday through sunday!! woot! Anyway, I've got to finish cleaning my room and do some labs but I'll be back when I'm done. mucho amor <33

Steve, I love you.

One love. One God. One way.
~Jenna

Pessimism: Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Try as I might
I hate war.... I mean I REALLY hate it. Last summer, Scott was sent to afghanistan... for all those who don't know, Scott is my ex-step brother and one of my closest friends. I usually get a letter from him once a month or so. I havent recieved a letter in 3 months. Neither has his mom.... Blah I don't even want to get started.

Some interesting things - went to mass, got my ashes, talked to Matt for the first time in forever, got a strange email from Timmy, sabatoged Laura's locker, and I miss Jordan so much. More than anything at the moment. He won't read this... I know he won't. But it's like he went away to college and forgot about me. Theres this girl and tehy're like best friends now. I remember when WE were best friends. yeah yeah... I know I'm selfish and I get jelouse really easily. But I can't help it. It's almost as if he doesn't love me anymore... like he doesn't even want to know me anymore. We barely even talk. And that hurts alot... I've known him for so long and we've shared so much... He doesn't even care anymore. Matt has a new girlfriend... Lora... yeah thats her name...Lora. I will keep my comments to myself (and Laura) on this one. It is true, I do not like her. I don't even know her. But I know that I do not like her and I will never like her. She is the enemy. But at least me and Matt are back to being friends.

I'm not sure what to give up for lent yet. I know I know.... I'm not even catholic. But I like the idea of trying to make myself a better person. especially when God is involved, He can sort of help me along the way. Anyway, my goal for lent is to bring all of my grades up to above 85. Yes it sounds like a stupid goal, but it's a big deal to be. I will also try and be more intelligent and creative and kind. I am giving up being mean to Chris. I mean... even though he pisses me off most of the time, I shouldn't hate him... Right?

Anyway I must go study now. Much love <333 *Asta

Steve, I love you.

When the music fades...
Okay. so it's been a while. I'm glad to report that I'm feeling much better these days... not exactly happy... but not restlessly depressed either. I talked to sister Diane the other day at school and she's really cool. We actually have alot in common. She wants me to meet this girl, both of her parents have AIDS and her dad's dying. He might have died in the last few days and she feels really alone and sad. She also wants to start an AIDS awareness group. I guess Sister Diane wants me to meet her because I could kind of help her... she's just a freshman and I know it's tough. My mom died of AIDS and my dad's dying... I mean he's not going YET. I think he has like 7 years if he doesn't get better or something... but still that's pretty soon. We talked about me not being happy and my friends and my boyfriend and stuff and she said I blushed when i started to talk about him. We also talked about home and I told her about the pills. She swore not to tell my dad and she wants me to see the school phsycologist about stuff... but she wants me to see her too. She even knows who Relient K and Sonicflood are. Not even my friends listen to my music so it's really awesome. She gave me a franciscian cross and told me to say a prayer whenever I feel alone. She also said I was very wise for my age and even though I'm not happy most of the time I'm smart and wise and stuff. She also wants me to go to the ash wensday prayer service at school. She said that I'll meet people like myself there and that it's being run by students so it's cool. Laura doesn't believe in organised religion, ob is atheist, Roma is Hindu, and Ed is well... Ed so I think I'll just go alone or maybe with Rich and cia. I don't think Steve would wanna go anyway. So that's whats going on.

Friday I hung out after school with everyone and I met Oscar, Cia's friend. It was...ineteresting. I slipped on ice and Steve came running to try and save me but it was too late... I love him so much. He's so chivalrous. I also talked to Richie about stuff and it was kind of weird but everythings better between us. No more akwardness. I tackled Cia in the snow and we had a snowball fight... and I was in a SKIRT... ahhh. Rich and I also relived the first day we met... the begining of a beautiful friendship. It was cool. I really miss steve though.. we barely get to go out. Anyway, I thought I was gonna get in trouble because I didn't get home till 7, but I didnt. Not for that anyway. I got in trouble later that nit but I dont remember why.

I either want to peirce my ears again (hole number 4 on one and 5 on the other) or dye the tips of my hair red before Blizzard, but my dads mad at me and I can't figure out how to get on his good side. He broke up with Jaymie (thank GOD!!) and now I think he likes this lady, Elizabeth, but I'm not sure. She's cool though. I'm really good friends with her daughter, Erika. I hope we'll get in the same room for blizzard. Timmy might be coming down to NY for the summer!! yay!!!!!

Anyway that's all for now. later and much love <33

Steve, I love you.