10 Favorite CDs (not in any order)
1. The starting line- say it like you mean it
2. Taking back sunday- Tell all your friends
3. Relient K- The anotomy of tounge in cheek
4. Relient K- Two lefts don't make a right... but three do
5. Bleach- self titled
6. Jars of clay- If I left the zoo
7.Bleach- static
8. Ataris/All american rejects/OLP/etc mix
9. Sonic flood- all
10. Something corporate/Juliana theory mix


09 Things You're Looking Forward To
1. summer
2. Panama missions trip
3. college
4. seeing the world (apparently on my own)
5. Hanging out with the koolest 5 year old ever... edwin!!!
6. horse back riding with angie
7. seeing steve
8. waterfight
9. Seeing Cory and Kelly and Jess this summer!!!



08 Things You Wear Daily
1. cute underwear (monkeys, stars, planets...)and bra or bra like shirt or bathing suit
2. punk beads
3. shirt
4. true love waits ring
5. I'd say pants but I'd be lying
6. the bracelt steve bought me
7. sneakers/flip flops/combat boots when outdoors on a gross street (I like being barefoot)
8. white bag with the black outline of a camaro with a notebook and pen inside


07 Things That Annoy You
1. not being able to find my socks in teh morning
2. falling down the stairs
3. not being able to use the phone whenever I want to
4. The people next door who play really bad music at 3 am
5. people who think theyre better than you just because of their appearence
6. people who try to tell me how MY walk with God is
7. Those stupid CALLATT commercials (its cheap for them and free for you!)


06 Things You Touch Every Day
1.my alarm clock
2.true love waits ring
3.soap/herbal essence PEACH shampoo
4.mocha/vanilla creme frapuccino or au lait
5.journal
6.Kimmy's head


05 Things You Do Every Day
1. listen to music
2. pray/sing
3. write
4. procrastinate
5. eat


04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With
1. fellowship
2. edwin!!!
3. Bea
4. Angie and erica


03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. forest gump
2. tuck everlasting
3. anastasia


02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment
1. taking back sunday- Theres no "i" in team
2. Sonic flood- I want to know you more


01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With
1. I don't like answering questions like this because the world constantly changes and I don't know where I'll be 15 years from now. But I like to think and hope and pray, that it's you.

what happened? my blog is broken?????

[ siblings ] : Kimmy, Alex, Angie... sorta step siblings- Scott, Danny, Cameron
[ pets ] : at my aunts house, Elmo a stitzu, 2 yorkies- Lucy and Willie, a big golden retriever- Cody
[ eye color ] : brown
[ hair color ] : Dark reddish-brown
[ best feature ] : eyes/smile
[ artistic? ] : yes
[ boyfriend/girlfriend now ] : yes
[ color of your room ] : pink
[ hobbies ] : art, writing, skating, swimming
[ what were u doing 15 mins ago ]: swimming
[ what are u wearing now ] : bathing suit, tanktop, sweat pants
[ u smoke ] : no
[ u drink ] : no
[ u shy or outgoing ] : a little bit of both
[ had fun this summer ]: not really, I didn't have many friends
[ feature you notice first ] : lips, eyes
[ looks/personality ] :I like funny, weird guys
[ piercings ] : 4 one one ear, 3 on the other
[ tan or fair ] : very tan... kind of like dark-olive colored skin
[ age difference limit ] : 19
[ smart/dumb ] : smart
[ funny/serious ]: gotta b a lila both

[r e l a t i o n s]

[ Best friend(s) ] : Jessuh, Laura, Robbie n the fellowship
[ Friends that you look like ] : me and Angie look alike... then again we're family
[ Who you go to for advice the most ] : Robbie
[should talk to more ] : Timmy
[ skinniest ] : Jenny
[ loudest ] : Laura in cor
[ craziest ] : Steve, Laura, Damaris
[ funniest ] : Jessie, Joel (orbs of energy!! flutterbys!!)
[ nicest ] : Kayla
[ shortest ] : Jenny... sorry your just so tiny!
[ tallest ] : Greggie
[ changed your life the most ] : Laura, my first friend at prep and Timmy, justy because he is.

[f a v e s]

[ color ] : navy blue, yellow
[ movie ] : Tuck everlasting, Forest Gump, Anastasia, Ever after: A cinderella story
[ subject ] : english
[ ocean or pool ] : ocean!
[ laugh or cry ] : laugh so hard you cry
[ diamonds or pearls ] : diamonds
[ sunset or sunrise ] : must i really choose? sunrise because it's liek life begining all over again, sunset because it's so beautiful and it seems as though the sky is disapearing and the world is ending.
[ showers or baths ] : showers
[ food ] : pastellios
[ snack ]: goobers, mangos
[ board game ] : monopoly
[ magazine ] : rec room, cosmo girl
[ tv show ] : Everwood, Will and Grace, Gilmore girls
[ Disney character ] : Anastasia, Jim from treasure planet
[ animal ] : Dolphin
[ drink ] : grape gatorade
[ cologne ]: ralph
[ brand of sneaker ] : addidas
[ activity ] : writing
[ fruit ] : apple
[ juice ] : apple, grape gatorade

[d o y o u ...?]

[ do you like school ] : in a sense
[ do you like to talk on the phone ] : yea
[ do you have your own phone line ] : no
[ do you like to dance ] : yes

[l a s t t i m e y o u ...]

[ last time u showered ]: an hour ago
[ worked out ] : earlier 2day
[ cried] : 1half an hour ago
[ danced like a frickin idiot ] : lauras party
[ went to a movie ] : matrix reloaded last week with rob, ed, roma, and Steve
[ talked on the phone ] : yesterday with jess
[ wished u were somebody else ] : a few days ago

[r a n d o m]

[ where would you love to travel to? ] : Panama on a missions trip next summer
[ whats ur middle name? ] : Marie
[ is ur hair color natural? ]: sort of
[ do u have a cell phone? ] : sort of
[ whats ur online screen name ] : JeniNyPr
[ what do u want to do with your life? ] : write forever and ever
[ last time you went bowling] : a few months ago
[ are u any good at bowling ] : not realy but i like it
[ last time u went to the doctor ] : 2 weeks ago
[ do u have a credit card ] : nope
[ do u consider urself a "nice" person ] : yes.
[ last book ]: Love story by erich segal
[ are u stressed out? ] : yea
[ do u believe in angels? ] : yep, my mommas dancing with them, i bet.
[ what are u driving now? ] : nothing
[ u help pay for it? ] : ^ see above
[ do u think ur spoiled? ] : no, i wish i was
[ do u like mustard? ] : no
[ have u seen the exorcist? ] : no
[ how bout dumb & dumber? ] : hehe
[ ever been skydiving? ] : no.
[ number of piercings ] : 7 in total

I thought of a new pretty name. If I have a daughter, I'm gonna name her Kula. Yes, Kula.

Love means never having to say sorry
I just read the saddest book and I'm still crying. Love story by Erich Segal is great and funny and sad and blah. Laura warned me.

Went to pizza hut, stuffed my face.

Saw a really good Tom Cruz/Nicole Kidman movie.

ate pixie stix.

Going swimming tommorrow... AGAIN!!! Woot!! I love swimming...

bah nothing else to say, mind focused on Jenny had to die... it wasn't fair. Now Ollie is all alone, but he reconciled with his dad. bah. tears. Love means never having to say you're sorry.

Queen of everything
I have come to a conclusion. I have been thinking about this for some time now, and I don't mean to bite off of recroom writer Justin. In fact I'm not. He thinks he is better than you because he owns some 1/3 of the world's best rock albums. Well he's not the best. I am. I don't nneed something weird and pop-culture influenced to come to my conclusion. My conclusion is simply this: I, Jenise-Marie Pollock, am in fact, better than you are. I'm smarter and funnier and cooler. And yes Justin, I am better than you too. Just me being myself makes me better than you. "Why?" you ask?. Well there are a very many reasons, you see. I have compiled 1/4 of the reasons why I am better than you into an organized list. The following list is justly called "25 reasons why Jen is better than you."

25 reasons why Jen is better than you, yes you.
1 Because I said so, that's why.
2 Because I'm smarter than you.
3 Because I'm funnier than you.
4 Because I'm more beautiful than you.
5 Because I'm meaner than you.
5 Because I'm cooler than you.
6 Because I own my own invisible country surrounded by a force field of pure energy (Properly names Jen-land).
7 Because my hair smells like peaches.
8 Because I'm masochistic.
9 Because I'll soon be a surfer babe, and we all know how sexy surfer babes are.
10 Because my hair is brown AND red.
11 Because I'm a kick-ass writer.
12 Because I have three bottles of grape gatorade in my refrigerator.
13 Because I can eat three slices of pizza.
14 Because I can cook the best motha-friggin cupcakes your eyes ever did see.
15 Because I always win.
16 Because I am the perfect balance of evil and nice.
17 Because my toe nails are blue.
18 Because I am artsy.
19 Because my boyfriend is artsy.
20 Because I can make my films.
21 Because I can play many musical instruments.
22 Because someone famous has my last name.
23 Because I'm always right.
24 Because I can make Richard whimper.
25 Because I'm Jen.

Now consider these are only 25 ways in which I am better than you. There are many many more, but if I listed them all I wouldn't have space to write anything else, plus it would probably make you cry. That's all I have to say. Stop whimpering, numbnuts.

*Note to the slow: If you take anything I say seriously, you shoudl probably see a doctor. If you don't, I'll chop off your legs.

Can't stop addicted to the shindig
okay so apparently Steffie, Laura, and I are going bungee jumping and we're going to be the next blue crush girls. Hey, surf chicks are sexy, you all know it. We're going to have many many adventures, the crew and I. I want to spend everyday atthe beach this summer, everyday hanging out with my friends. So my dad's been a complete jerk since the matrix and he basically told me not to tell him any opf my goals in life if they're "ridiculous". Anyhoo school sucks. Seniors are gone. I'm gonna miss Cassie sooooososososooo much. She was my second friend at prep (Laura was my first).There are 10 days of school left and I've still got so much work to do. I totally bombed a Macbeth test today, but the rest of my average is pretty good so hopefully it won't affect it that much. I still have to go put 2 more classes on my schedule and hope it fits. Painting and photography or web design, whatever fits. I finally remembered to put Steff's site on here so all is good. Alex is home from college and I'm hoping he'll drive me around all summer, but of course he won't because he's Alex. I'e been working out lateky, trying to get in shape before the world sees me in a bikini. I've gotta do the music video project with Steff and Diana and some other people before June 2 so I'm pressed for time. And Chris and Aunt Ivone are making a mini-film to the song "Georgie girl" for some lesbian/gay film festival and she needs my help. If we don't find anyone (I'm doing casting/costumes/make up and basically just helping to get the feel of the characters) Chris wants me to play Georgie girl. She's a tomboy who's really insecure and shy and by the end she's all transformed and beautiful. I think it's kind of superficial, but whatever, it's not my film. I have a topic to write about, but I have to do my hoemwork first. Hopefully I'll be back. But if not, whatever.

Mucho amor<33

Asta la vista

A perfect circle
I have been punished with vaing a completely unsupportive jerk of a "father". He gets me so mad sometimes. I was telling him how I want to learn how to surf and automatically he's like you can't because surfing is stupid and blah blah blah and he went into how he's forcing me to take guitar lessons all summer and how it's gonna take up all my free time. a. I already know how to play the guitar and b. Who is he to force me to do things oh yeah theres a c. I'm not going to be practicing 16 hours a day 7 days a week all summer. And it doesn't even bother me that he said no, it was his bull excuse and the whole not supportive of anything I do thing. He never supported me skateboarding, when I first got the guitar he thought I wa wasting my time, he doesn't like my music, he doesn't like my art, he doesn't like my writing, he hates the way I dress, he doesn't like the way I talk, he doesn't like how I think, he doesn't like my attitude, and basically he thinks im some skate bum loser who's puerto rican but trying to be "white". Note the derrogitorry statement. He thinks my writing and my art is a waste of time. He wants me to be some lawyer and have some boring job in some stupid closed in office and have to wear a suit to work everyday. I dream of living somewhere near a beach where the stars light up the sky, somewhere where no one knows me and I can do my thing. I won't be Kimberly's older sister, or Daisy's daughter. I wont be Rey's screwed up kid who he's embarressed to be seen in public with. I'll just be Jen... my own person. There's something more to me than the way I look or the music I listen to. I'm more than a girl with a skateboard or a notebook. I have a mind of my own and it pisses me off when people don't see that. My dad could have said something like "no it's dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt because I love you." but he didn't. He was a jerk about it just like he is with everything else. And then he went into some crap about how he can't trust me anymore since that day at the movies. How he can't trust me with Steve because he saw me kiss him. What the hell? What did he think we were doing the past for the past 5 months? Playing tag? My God... I'm not his little girl anymore. I'm not a baby. I'm old enough to drive, I've had my first drink, I know how to ride a dirt bike, I've taken care of myself for the past 5 years... I'm not some stupid kid who he can't trust. He gets so mad 'cause I challenge him, but is it so wrong to have my own opinions about things? Is it so wrong to think for myself and make my own decisions about what's right and wrong? I'm a good person. I don't do drugs, I get decent grades, I go to church ALL of the time, I'm not a slut, I don't go out and get in trouble all of the time... I'm a good kid. I'm nice, I've never tried to hurt anyone, and I pretty much love the whole freaking world. Then why oh why does he not trust me. Why can't he just accept me for who I am and just support me for once. I don't understand, it's almost as if nothing I do will ever be good enough for him. I'm not sad or angry... I'm just hurt that he can't see into my heart. That he yells at me because I see things differently than him. I just wish I could make him understand. That's all I want. For him to understand.

This is because I can spell konfusion with a "K" and I like it.
Hola.I'm feeling much better today, although I have a load of homework to do and I haven't the slightest clue how I'm gonna do it. Grandma came down to queens yesterday!!!!! I didn't go 2 the art show and sacrificed my art grade because I wanted to stay with my grandma. I told her about Steve and then we had chicken-nuggets in her honor. Then I talked to Alex cause he's home from college!!!!we talked about nonsense and how Angie is failing and how she needs to get on track. Then we talked about how life basically sucks by nature, but there are the little things that make it more than worthwhile. Things like summer stars and friends and rain storms. Then I talked with Angie and set up a schedule for her and her hw. Aunt Lilly is gonna pay me to come over and help Angie with her homewokr and make sure she gets it done a couple times a week. And my grandma might be moving to queens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO happy... I miss her so much. I grew up with my grandma so being away from her for so long is so weird. Then me, Angie, and Aunt Lilly attempted to sleep in the same bed but it was very uncomfortabel because angie kept climbing on top of me so I moved and slep on the couch. Earlier I went to Daniel's confirmation party and we watched this really good movie and me and Erica went to get pizza hut and to old navy to look at bathing suits. Trying on those bathing suits inspired me to get on a diet. I should probably be doing homework... but I'm not. bad me. I have last free tommorrow so I'm gonna try and get home super early and get alot done. anyway I've decided to make a list of all the good and bad parts about being Jen. I have called it "The pros and cons of being Jen"

The Pro's and Con's of being Jen

I have a family. That's good

My dad can be a jerk. That's bad.

I have the best boyfriend in the whole world. That's good.

My boyfriend's little brother uses blue gel. The ocean is blue. Peopel drown in the ocean. That's bad.

I have the best friends anywhere. That's good.

Some of my friends like to bite me. That's bad.

I have a name. That's good.

My name is Jenise-Marie which is hick-like. That's bad.

I have a bed on which I jump around on to "My friend's, over you" by New found Glory.

I tend to fall off of my bed all of the time and injur myself. That's bad.

I take art classes at school. That's good.

It's school. That's bad.

I have over 10 dollars in my wallet. That's good.

I am a stupid psychotic masochistic beast. That's bad.

Grape is a fruit. Fruits taste good. That's good.

Hitler ate fruits. That's bad.

Grape gatorade is yummy. That's good.

Grape gatorade is "fierce," just like the animals who stormed into your family picnic at the park and mauled your uncle to an unrecognizable pile of limbs... er, theoretically. That's er... bad.

I'm a kick-ass writer. That's good.

I'm overly critical of myself. That's bad.

I smell like peaches. That's good.

Mettallica is the best friggin... Oh the hell with it... I give up on my list. *throws a shoe at the wall*

Hey you, nothing's gonna stop us now. One day I'm going to whisk you off on an adventure. And you'll never be the same.

Livid
Tim just left or blocked me. Apparently I've "changed" and my watching the matrix 2 which was great by the way and contains a nude scene. I'm suddenly a terrible person because I gave rob teh finger at the foodfight. I'm a terrible person cause I curse because I'm frustrated because my 17 year old brother who can't even legally drive is at war someplace I'm not allowed to know holding a gun and being told to kill people. He can't even DRIVE, and yet he's fighting for his country. Yeah the wars over my ass... I've been trying to look on the bright side but it isn't easy when everyones in your face telling you how much worse you've gotten. I have finals and regents coming up and I don't know where Scott is and JOrdan didn't say goodbye and Tim is taking his anger out on me. He had a breakdown today and I feel bad for being mad at him but he really hurt me. RRrrrrrr... I need to read cath-22. And then my dad caught me kissing steveat the movies. He was like "I saw you two making out" and I was like "I kissed him, I wasn't making out" and he was like "It lasted over 30 seconds, it was making out, don't f*cking lie" and I was like "uh okay..." and he went on about how he knows I do it but he doesn't want to SEE me do it and I told him thats why I waited till he left and then he came back and I didn't know and then he got into all this crap about how I'm not a good christian and how I break all teh rules and I was like "I didn't know I had to follow any rules. I just follow my heart" and he got all mad and we argued and he started in on how I don't come to church enough and how I don't participate (I'm just SHY) and how I'm looked at by the company I keep and how I dress effects what people think of me. And I was trying to explain that if people are going to think I'm horrible because I look different, then I just don't care what they think. And Tim is going through all this stuff and it's making me feel guilty and I don't want to feel guilty, I want to be mad at him. But I can't. No, not Jen, she has to be nice and make everyone feel good even though it makes me feel bad. And I'm trying to be happy cause the rest of the day was good but I can't because I'm just so angry. I'm angry because I can't be angry at anyone because they all need me to be nice. I'm angry because I can't believe Jordan didn't even say bye to me. I'm angry because I can't be sad or anything. And I'm angry because I always feel guilty for hurting people even though half of the time it isn't even my fault. I'm angry because I can't be happy about the rest of my day 'cause I feel guilty for making Tim feel worse than he does. I'm angry because I'm angry. Grr... I make no sense. More tommorrow after I break stuff.

Even though I'm mad, I love you. <33

Asta

Say it ain't so
Dad picked me up early from school today, I was afraid cause when I got to the deans office they were like "family emergency"... I thought something had happened to my dad at his job or something. Turns out everyone's fine. Denise (Scott's mom) wanted to talk to me in person. Turns out Scott can't come home. I wanted to cry... but of course I couldn't. Not in front of everyone. I would have been much more content if they would have just lied and let me think he'd be home soon. But no... they had to be selfish and ruin my day. Anyway I'm not gonna think about it. After all, Scott's safe... he just can't come home... where he belongs. Now Steff is gonna kill me because I was suppossed to staty after school to work on a project and she's been doing all the work cause I've been sick. Its not fair. I'm a terrible partner, I should be forced to work alone for all eternity. I left a message on lauras cell, hopefully she got it and gave it in turn to Stephanie. I'll work on my own in the am and afterschool and whatevers not done I'll take home and finish. School has been so stressful lately. Trying to make the grade for Service. Have to do 3 labs today before dance. I have global, French, and English Tests tommorrow. I forgot my global textbook, but I have the regents review book so hopefully it'll be enough to study from. I also have a geometry quiz tommorrow wich I forgot to bring home my Notebook to study for. Hopefully I can get it all in the morning. I'll leave super early from home is all. I also have a load of homework. Blech. And Miriams picking me up for dance at 3 so I don't know how I'll do it all.

On a brighter note, Ms.Parziale thinks I can pull of an 80 which is a halfway decent grade even though I got a 68/110 on the last test. I don't even know how that's possible since I studied my butt off. My english average is above 100, and I may qualify for service. My average is borderline at an 89 (all 3 quarters plus my grades now). I'm going to teach Steve how to dance.... in the RAIN!!! I've decided. And it will be great. Timmy might come to my sweet 16 which is great. I got this new workout thing so hopefully by summertime I won't be such a chubby blob. My dad's recording spiderman now so I can watch it later when I have no homework. And I think I may put either glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling or christmas lights up in my room. I think I may be able to avoid summer school if I pull of a 90 something grade in math and French is looking pretty okay, If I study my butt off for every test till the end of the year and pull off some extra credit my grade might be half-way decent. Anyway I should probably go do homework now. Mucho amor<33

Hey, you. Cheese sandwich.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else?
I know I do. every morning I look in the mirror, expecting to see someone different, someone smarter or prettier or more creative. Every morning I'm dissapointed and see the same girl with the long face, and I look into her eyes, and it seems as though I'm the only one who can see into her soul. See the real her. The girl who tries so hard to hide her heart. Some days I look into the mirror and see an old friend, the silly little girl who had christmas lights on her ceiling and a telescope in the fire escape, portraying to the world her fascination for the stars. But some days, I see a total stranger. A small girl with sad eyes, who longs for something, but isn't quite sure what that something is.

I have so many dreams, and everytime I reach for them, something pulls me backward and I end up falling into some sort of endless space. The dream: To write for eternity. To have actual artistic talent. To change the world with my words, my ideas, my eyes. To show just one person the world as I see it. How the homeless man on the corner isn't a bad person. He just made mistakes in his life. No one wants to go near him. How is he suppossed to get help when no one has the time to care? Some days I read through my writing and think to myself hey, this is something I'm actually good at. This is something I can do. This is it. This is my purpose in life. And then somedays I read my work and think to myself This is nothing. I'll never make it. How can something I do effect the world? And then there are days when I just want to give it all up, I'm so tired of life and I just want to sleep for a couple of decades. But I won't because that would be letting Them win. Who They are, I'm not quite sure. But I know that I'm not going to lose to some nameless thing. I will preservere just so I have something to shove in the faces of all those who said I couldn't do it. I'm not sure if thats the right way to do things, but who says my way has to be right?

I also havethese people I call my friends. Who is my best friend you ask? Well that would be Robert. He is one of the only people who really care about me. And he's always right which pisses me off often. Although sometimes I wonder if it's just a me thing. Then there is Laura and Jessie. Laura is my best friend too, but not really. Because she has Erica who is her real best friend. And I know as well as anyone that you can have more than one best friend. But thats where Stephanie comes in. Stephanie is a nice girl with bright eyes and bright hair. She is Laura's other best friend. They have their inside jokes and little secrets as do all best friends. Jessie, well she's moved away. I've known her since 6th grade and she's very...er... unique. There is no other word to describe her as she sees the world through a different light. She is more like family than anything. I don't even consider her a friend anymore, she is my sister. Her real best friend is her boyfriend who thinks he is a dragon. He lives across the planet and she is internet dating him against her parents' will. My old best firend is Jordan. But he forgot about me. He never even said goodbye. There is the rest of the crew- Roma, Kayla Rose, Chris, Ed, Richard, Timmy, Steve, Cia, Nicky, and Tracey. Steve doesn't count because he's my boyfriend. I know he loves me because he sends me 11 emails a day just to remind me. The crew is pretty cool. Just a few of them know me well enough to say they care and trully mean it. I know I have the best friends out there, but sometimes I wonder if they can see into my soul like I can see into the sould of mirror-girl. Or if they just see my sad eyes and ignore it.

Maybe I'm mistaken and there is no sad girl with sad eyes who lives in my mirror. Maybe I'm just crazy and don't know what I'm talking about. Or maybe just maybe, I'm more sane than all of you. I don't know what the point of this post was, but some days, I just wish I were someone else.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else?
I know I do. every morning I look in the mirror, expecting to see someone different, someone smarter or prettier or more creative. Every morning I'm dissapointed and see the same girl with the long face, and I look into her eyes, and it seems as though I'm the only one who can see into her soul. See the real her. The girl who tries so hard to hide her heart. Some days I look into the mirror and see an old friend, the silly little girl who had christmas lights on her ceiling and a telescope in the fire escape, portraying to the world her fascination for the stars. But some days, I see a total stranger. A small girl with sad eyes, who longs for something, but isn't quite sure what that something is.

I have so many dreams, and everytime I reach for them, something pulls me backward and I end up falling into some sort of endless space. The dream: To write for eternity. To have actual artistic talent. To change the world with my words, my ideas, my eyes. To show just one person the world as I see it. How the homeless man on the corner isn't a bad person. He just made mistakes in his life. No one wants to go near him. How is he suppossed to get help when no one has the time to care? Some days I read through my writing and think to myself hey, this is something I'm actually good at. This is something I can do. This is it. This is my purpose in life. And then somedays I read my work and think to myself This is nothing. I'll never make it. How can something I do effect the world? And then there are days when I just want to give it all up, I'm so tired of life and I just want to sleep for a couple of decades. But I won't because that would be letting Them win. Who They are, I'm not quite sure. But I know that I'm not going to lose to some nameless thing. I will preservere just so I have something to shove in the faces of all those who said I couldn't do it. I'm not sure if thats the right way to do things, but who says my way has to be right?

I also havethese people I call my friends. Who is my best friend you ask? Well that would be Robert. He is one of the only people who really care about me. And he's always right which pisses me off often. Although sometimes I wonder if it's just a me thing. Then there is Laura and Jessie. Laura is my best friend too, but not really. Because she has Erica who is her real best friend. And I know as well as anyone that you can have more than one best friend. But thats where Stephanie comes in. Stephanie is a nice girl with bright eyes and bright hair. She is Laura's other best friend. They have their inside jokes and little secrets as do all best friends. Jessie, well she's moved away. I've known her since 6th grade and she's very...er... unique. There is no other word to describe her as she sees the world through a different light. She is more like family than anything. I don't even consider her a friend anymore, she is my sister. Her real best friend is her boyfriend who thinks he is a dragon. He lives across the planet and she is internet dating him against her parents' will. My old best firend is Jordan. But he forgot about me. He never even said goodbye. There is the rest of the crew- Roma, Kayla Rose, Chris, Ed, Richard, Timmy, Steve, Cia, Nicky, and Tracey. Steve doesn't count because he's my boyfriend. I know he loves me because he sends me 11 emails a day just to remind me. The crew is pretty cool. Just a few of them know me well enough to say they care and trully mean it. I know I have the best friends out there, but sometimes I wonder if they can see into my soul like I can see into the sould of mirror-girl. Or if they just see my sad eyes and ignore it.

Maybe I'm mistaken and there is no sad girl with sad eyes who lives in my mirror. Maybe I'm just crazy and don't know what I'm talking about. Or maybe just maybe, I'm more sane than all of you. I don't know what the point of this post was, but some days, I just wish I were someone else.

Oh and X-2 was an okay movie. It was made really well but the plot was kind of weird. Pyro rocks hard and it was great to see night crawler (he and pyro are my favorites) but I hope the next movie they make is better. Hopefully ghonna see Matrix unloaded this friday. Still kind of sick and i had a fever so my dad made me stay home. I thought I was getting better but behold around 11 last nite I started throwing up again. I still feel all gross but maybe I'll get some homework done. I'll be back later. <33

hey, I love you.

This pain inside
Jordans gone. Didn't even say bye to me. I called him for his birthday and left a message. I never got a call or an email. No letter. No goodbye. I thought we were friends. I guess I was mistaken. Goodbye Jord. Have a nice life. And I never lied, I'll never forget you.

Summer Stars- Taking back sunday
hola. Today sucked majorly. Wrote in my secret blog though. misery misery misery. pissed pissed pissed. *Throws a shoe at the wall*

It's all about the disapearing girl.

aint he cute? thats my bestie.

Swing Swing
Saw X2 with steve... I've missed him so much. Bought dads mother's day gift. Bought Darleens card. hoping to dye the tips of my hair red sometime between tommorrow and monday. I'm so shleepy. Being forced to have a sweet 16, all invited. July 19. Bored need sleep. More tommorrow. Nite nite <33

Can't stop, addicted to the shindig
hola everyone. I was suppossed to go and dye my hair, and then my dad called saying he was sick so I had to run home to take care of him. So I've decided that I'm just gonna let Roe bleach th etips and do the rest myself. Not like I haevn't done it before. Plus, I'll get to change the color like ever month when it fades. Total $6. I was gonna pay $40. Now it's just to call Tamara and tell her to forget it, she's gonna kill me when she finds out I did it myself. Oh well.

Right now I'm suppossed to be studying, but I fell asleep so I'm not. I really not that awake. I'm blasting K-ROCK in hopes of it waking me up, and it's working very little. Hey it's the Ataris!!! yay!!! Being grown up isn't half of fun as growing up. These are best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right... lalala. I also have a french unit test, but I guess I'll do okay since I slept so much before I can stay up all nite studying. I need some caffenated soap.

Dad gave me some mula for the movies. But I also have to buy a review book for bio. stupid stupid bio. And then instead of getting a ride home, I need to take the bus... because I forgot the bling bling for my dad's gift for mothers day so I need to run and get it... all before church. blech. And I can't go saturday 'cause I'm sing Cari and Cachi (my aunts, but they're only a few years older than me)... I can't believe Cachi had the baby. It's such a shock that she even got pregnant. She was suppossed to be the one that made it, the first Pollock to go to college. Now it's down to me, Kristy, and Keisha... teh only girls left who haven't gotten pregnant in my entire dad's side before tehy finished highschool. Kristy was always smart though, she's in college now and Tom is marrying her. She can take care of herself, but if she ever NEEDED someone, Tom is the gy for her. He's all adventurous, he's got some money, and he understands Kristy. Then Keisha... I don't even know how she is. Haven't seen her since tio Javier died... and she was broken. She didn't really have anyone but him... and I though I was close to him... I'm worrying about Jay, he usually comes over, but he's always getting in trouble when he comes down cause of his mouth. My dad just can't handle him, but if my dad doesn't even try Jay will end up on teh streets. He's what 13? Already sexually active. He doesn't even want to go to college, I mean with tio gone, theres some excuse... but still... I don't want him on the streets. Mayda should have moved outta the projects. It's not good there, he might end up in a gang or something. I mean, Jason is cool and very intelligent, but he'll get pulled down if he hangs with the wrong crowd. I just don't want him to mess up hjis life. His dad wouldn't want that. Tio knew what it was like to live on the streets. He was a junkie, that's how he got AIDS. When he was an adult and quit, it was too late. I miss him so much sometimes. He was my favorite person in teh world. We were going over the brooklyn bridge the other day... and we haven't gone over it since tio died... I mean maybe we have, but not in so long. I almost started crying. I had to stop it so my dad didn't see. Tio Javier was the only other person who saw my dad the way me and Kim do, we see his heart and how much he loves everything. He has a scary exterior, but once you get past that hard,scared self... you see the nicest sweetest funnest guy in the world. Like with my mom, I didn't cry right away. But when they told me tio died, it broke me. It was 2 weeks before my birthday, and I just remember crying and crying. I wanted to die. I remember seeing him at the funeral. They asked me if I wanted a closed casket cause I was the closest to him, and I said I did... and then Myra changed it at the last minute. And it wasnt fair. I copuldnt even go inside. I know its all depressing... I guess I just miss him. Mom too... with motehrs day coming up... but I try not to think about her. I mean... I don't mean to be a bad person by that, but if I think too much about it, my mind will be clouded. And school is stressful enough on its own. blah. No more sad stuff..
'
I have a huge bio Test tommorrow... Mitosis and Meiosis.... I had Mieosis.... and theres the whole cancer thing. And French is even worse. bleh. I hate school sometimes. Its so stressful at the end of the year. I need a 94 average in Religion to take service... and its looking bad... I already got a 73 and an 85... I need to ace every iother test for her to even consider it. And she hates me, so if I'm down two points she won't help me out. Bio I'm late with 2 labs, I might not even pass because of that. rrr.. English is the only thing I'm good at. Steffi was absent so now our highest grade is a 90 for that stupid set design project. I love set design... but shes so stupid. I also have to serve detention cause of it. Oh well... I refuse to go tommorrow. Let the dean refer me... he likes me better anyway.Everything else my ghrades or decent. I'm so obsessed with my grades, it's horrible. But I need to good... I NEED this. Anyway I'm off to study. mucho amor mi amigos <33

I love you.

Okay this blog is refusing to work and I am mad.
Yes. mad.

Okay this is the last time I'm trying this. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble. ugh.

Please work please work please work. Day two of trying to fix my blogger.... please work

GRRR!! I changed everything and its not even posting!! AHHHHH! I'll have to fix it tommorrow!!

poo its not working and i even changed the template again

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i cant get the comments to come up as dead stars anymore. I don't know what to do!!! I fell in love with this template but I can't get some stuff to work properly. grrrrrrrr...

doo doo doo tes test test. just checking to make sure the new skin works.

BTW, I want a digital camera for my birthday. hint hint.

I'm now home sick from school. foodfight was great. Trying to make a template but its not working. want to throw up. the end.

<-Thats me a couple years ago. When I get a scanner, or someone lets me use theirs, I'll upload the piccies from Lauras sweet 16. later people.