hey hey hey... I'm at my cousins house right now... learning how to skateboard and I can t ell you from experience.... it's not at easy as it looks. anyway I'll try and get onlin eto update some more later

To live in the world of Shel Silverstein is one thing I long for. To have such an imagination... to live in a world where anything can happen. To live in the land of make-believe is my dream. There is so much I want to do... to get out of life, and it seems like there isn't enough time. I wonder what my calling is... what I'm suppossed to be. I really love art and music and writing. I play guitar for my band-on the west side, but it seems that I may never figure out what I'm meant to do. art and music are my passions... the only things that can keep me sane, and it seems lately that I've been pouring out my soul on paper... or on my computer rather. I wonder what I'll be like 10 years from now. If I'll be married,or have kids, or still live in New York. I wonder if i'll keep in touch with all of my friends. I wonder how the world will be, what will happen with the war. I wonder if I'll even be here. Sometimes I think that maybe, I think too much and I dont do enough living. I just want to do what I love... I hope that maybe I could make a career out of singing or acting or maybe even designing clothes. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, I'm only 15 years old after all. and my grammar is so tragically incorrect that I wonder if I make any sense. I just hope that one day... like my favorite quote says... that the sky wont be the limmit anymore, but the starting point. Maybe I'm quite sappy... and maybe I'm not. Maybe all the things I want to do in life will fail... but I'll never know unless I try. There are not many people in the world that I could truly call friends. I have many aquantainces... but not many people who will always be there for me. I'm not very popular.... and God knows I'm not the smartest. I'm not the prettiest or the sportiest or the best at anything.......
...... But I like the way I am. i am not a "freak" ( as oppossed to what many of the peopel at my highschool think) and I'm not "weird". I'm just different and unique and thats what I like about myself. I don't care what people think about me. I don't let anyone change who I am. Maybe because of my being myself, I'll never get aboyfriend, but who CARES? I'm happy with who I am and thats all that matters. I have my friends and I have my enemies... but most of all I have myself. who i can turn to when nothing goes right. I also have God... u kno , the dude who created the universe...... and even though it probably sounds exageratingly corny, he's never left me or forsaken me... and he's always been there when I needed him. and even though I'm not the best person in the world... and I screw up alot... at least hes ONE person who loves me. I just have to remember to be true to mysef. I don't know if anyone is or has ever even read my journal... and I'm not exactly sure that I'm very inspirational, but no matter what people think of me or my ideas or beliefs I know that I can't let anything get in the way of my dreams. Maybe I have my head in the clouds and my eyes on the stars... but who says I can't touch them.... I'm the only one in charge of my future and I know where i want to go. I supposse it's up to me to get myself there.

okay... i have just posted some of the entries from my old online journal thing onto here so that u can kno how my week has been going... completely horrible..blah.

Wensday
June 26,2002
8:49 PM

Dad is SUCH a pain in the ass sometimes... I just can't STAND him.... grrrr.... He's getting all mad because I didn't buy him a freaking candy bar because i THOUGHT since we were going to the diner I didn't think he actually wanted it because we would have junk food there. ahh.... i am SO MAD...... grrrrr....


10:11 PM
just got back from the diner trip from hell. Nothing I ever do is going to be good enough for my father... I'm never going to make him happy and I'm sick of it. I never asked to be born... if I make him so miserable why doesnt he just put me up for adoption... i am so mad. I can't wait until college, and I'm getting as far away from here as I can possibly get.
-Jen

10:13 PM
Okay so that was harsh... I'm just really mad. I think I'm going to go sketch something. Art always makes all the bad things go away... I dont know, I can't explain it. Maybe I sound totally retarded but art... art makes me happy, and music too. Music and art are the only things that keep me going when things are rough.... it's sort of like... my passion. anyway... I'm going to go draw. I'll chat with ya later.

11:21 PM
Okay, The art has put my mind back in peace... that and watching "Friends" on the WB 11... anyway I'm really tired so I'm going to head to bed. Laterz.
-Jen

11:25 PM
Ever notice that this is the only place where people SUPER SIZE their fries AND order a DIET coke??? whats up with that?


11:35 PM
OKay Okay.... I'm going to REALLY go to bed now. nite nite, my new bestie! laterz


Thursday
June 27,2002
2:02 PM

I hate my life... I hate my dad.... I hate my sister. I hate the world.


2:05 PM
this is my summer "vacation".... and dad gets mad because i don't wake up at the crack of dawn to clean the house.... none of my friends are slaves... it's not fair.

2:26 PM
Just got off the phone with dad. He wonders why we have such bad communication when everytime i TRY to tall to him he goes postal and it turns into a lecture or argument. I dont REALLY hate them... i just get mad sometimes. I'm just so sick of not being good enough and being told how stupid I am. My dad's a great person most of the times... but sometimes he can be a jerk and that's when I hate him. I love the cool dad but i hate the jerk of a dad part of him. Maybe I'm not making sense... I'm just tired of it... all of it. I can't wait until college so I can get out of here... not that I hate my family... I just hate how they act sometimes and sometimes it's hard to even LIVE with them... Kim is a big tattle talling brat and sometimes I hate her, she just never listens to me. anyway... I better go finish cleaning before dad gets home. I'll fill you in later.

Okay, I'm back from the family outing from hell... we went to the pool. It was just so much fun... no really it was... can't you sense the excitement of my tone. Anyway, you probably have no idea who I am or anything about me so I guess I should let you know some stuff about me. My name is Jenise-Marie ... Jen for short... and I'm 15 years old. I live in , NY with my 11 year old sister, Kimberly and my dad. My mom died when I was 9 years old from AIDS. I live in a small 4th floor apartment and share a room with Kimberly. I go to St.Francis Prep and i have 2 best friends there- Laura and Stephanie. My 2 best friends on the PLANET are Jessica and Jordan. I'm really into rock and skateboarding and stuff. I'm also a christian. I go to Shepherds House Open Bible church and am part of the youth group there and the Pantomime group. My favorite TV shows are Gilmore girls and Smallville...well, I'm kind of hungry so I'm going to go... Laterz.

hey hey hey... okay this is my first time blogging and I'm not sure what I want to say. I guess I'll just start with some info about me. My name is Jenise-Marie aka Jenz, and I'm from new york,NY. I'm 15, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I have a derranged sense of humor and am not all there... Some people might call me a "freak"...but I'm just unique and I like the way I am. I'm not a britney Spears-wannabe and I dont care about perfectly accesorizing my make up... I'm just me.

Okay... I am now starting the adventures and misadventures of my life. Like any regular teenager, I have many of those unfortunate embarassing mishaps that adults call "life". Anyhow, I must now be dragged off to spend "quality time" with my family at the YMCA, so I will leave you with this quote, "Being a cosmo girl means being a young woman of the future, where the sky is no longer the limit but the starting point."