sucker for anything accoustic

Jon acts normal... then weird... then normal again... and now he looks at me like Im crazy.

Nicky saved my life. My art supplies attacked me (Okay... my scratching tool was in my backpack and it stabbed me) and I'm sure I would have bled to death (bled looots) if Nick hadnt ran over and stopped the blood with his hand. Di was laughing her butt off, I was crying because of the flipping out and laughing because of Di's face, and Nick was holding my arm and trying to get me to calm down. I owe him my life.

Jon is so stupid. Why do I waste my time?

Concert tonite...


This is because I can spell konfusion with a K and I can like it
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it
It's to Jimmy eats world and thos nites in my care when the first star you see may not be a star
I'm not your star
Isnt that what you said? What you thought this song meant?
...........
This is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did
Hey, you know, you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head with all these f*cked up things I did
Hey, maybe, baby you can keep me up in bed
My Konstantine you spin around me like a dream....

So I talked to Eddie. And he doesn't hate me and he isn't mad at me and I am not dead. I think I worry too much.

On the down side, Jon's acting weird.

Must kill Marielle. Okay... maybe not. But must make her swear to shutup from now on.

On th up side I met the awesomest guy on the bus yesterday. He's like Laura... minus the boobs... and the red hair.... plus a penis.

Anyway, his name's Alex and he's a senior at Christ the King and he's sooo kool and he has peircing blue eyes and messy black hair and hes a fan of the doors. And he actually has good taste in music. And he's so cute. And anyway... yeah he's rad. But I'm never gonna see him again because I failed to exchange any information other than the aformentioned with him. But he will be at warped... to see bad religion... muahahahaha....

I'm gonna go find Katy. Asta <33

Dont feel sad. or angry.

Just empty.

Shattered. Today I feel shattered.

Fights with dad. Fights with everyone. Hate school. Hate home. Hate everything.

Same stupid highschool drama, different day.

Went out for a run this morning, trying to get things off my mind. I love running. Okay... no, no I don't love running. I hate running. It envokes deathly rage in me. But I love the idea of running. After about three blocks of said attempted running, I nearly collapsed and layed on a very cold bench for half an hour, wich in turn made me late for school. I hate running. I almost went into cardiac arrest. Isn't running suppossed to take your mind off things? All it did was put me in a really really really bad mood.

Stupid school.
Stupid dad.
Stupid boys.
Stupid everything.

I hate everything today.

Blargh.

"Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm."

So yeah. Jon knows. Don't know whether to hugh Marielle or to kill her. Possibilities that can come from him knowing:

He remains the same egotistical prat prime minister of my country
Everyone tells Eddie and then I die
I tell Eddie then I die
I have a talk with Eddie but don't die since he isn't my boyfriend or anything anyway, we're just hanging out
He gets all weird and our friendship crumbles to the ground
He keeps asking who likes him trying to get me to tell him to his face and I mess with his mind, happily
He "makes a move" and I die
He "makes a move", but I don't die


I love legos.


For someone who hates school so much, I'm here an awful lot. Ms. Schaefer is going to have my head... I don't wanna die...

This is going to sound really mean, but I absolutely love it when Eri does something stupid and gets into trouble. For those few moments, I am no longer the bad one. Ha. If they only knew...



The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold are false.

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love broccoli

04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a toilet

07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch "One Tree Hill"
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colors on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George W. Bush
15. People are cool
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a Toyota and a pool
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate rain
24. I drink health juice
25. Punk rock rules
26. I hate Bill Gates
27. I love Vietnamese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am not a morning person
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have short hair
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Afghan
34. My legs are two different sizes I refuse to believe my legs are identical...
35. I have a twin
36. I wear those long ass socks
37. I can roll my tongue
38. I like the way that I look
39. I'm obsessed with Italian food
40. I know how to French braid
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I skateboard/snowboard
44. I think that skateboarders are HOT
45. I'm in a band
46. I have talent
47. I'm always hyper when I have sugar
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single (kinda)
50. I can't swim [well]
51. my favorite color is either blue, red, or white
52. I practically live in sweatshirts
53. I love to shop
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercrombie, and ADMIT IT
57. I'm obsessed with my xanga
58. I don't hate anyone ( not really )
59. I know how to square dance
60. I have a unibrow
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom
62. I have a cell phone
63. I BELIEVE IN A GOD
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I know how to play the tuba
66. I need coffee to live
67. I have had a boyfriend before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently like someone and they have no idea that I like them
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have kids when I get older
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails (when im nervous)
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I love Broadway plays, and have been to at least 3
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7
82. I have at least 25 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
84. I loved Rush Hour
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter trilogy
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be dopey Gimli
87. When I was a kid I played with G.I. Joe
88. I don't mind country music (to an extent)
89. I would die for my friends (some of them)
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy
93. I would love to be Demi Moore because Ashton Kutcher is a major hottie
94. I love the Beatles
95. I know all the words to 'I'm a barbie girl'
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have to fart
99. I want this damned thing to be over
100. I'm happy[content]

Band of the week: Story of the year

Mr. Antinori is killing me with 2-d work. Meh.

College candidates:

NYU
UMASS
Berkley
SVA (possibly)
Grinnell
University of Houston
Boston U

Possible majors:

journalism
communications (journalism, music, art, etc)
studio art (with a concentration on film/design)
film
media studies (graphic design, film, and the like)
"How to be a hobo"

Living situation?

Dad
apartment
dorm
Marcus (my COUSIN)

I hate thinking about the future. I need a portfolio AND a film. Argh

off to do art work <33

Went to Paula's this weekend against my will. Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with my cousin... it just meant I had to lay off all myhomework till sunday night. Not a good idea when given the fact I already procrastinate waaaay too much.

Had the most interesting/slightly creepy conversation with Danny the other night. 'Twas sometime between 1 and 3 am and I was dillusional and running on caffeine and he was... erm... using the bathroom. Why are boys so gross?

New nicknames that I don't have any feelings towards: "Saviour"- Katy, "Mother Teresa"- Danny, "Thing one"- also Danny, Goober- Matt, "Hey you"- Obnoxious football player in my Jesus and film class.

On the bus, drowned by memories of olden days, of better times. Lots about August madness, LOTR movies, and Running around in the rain with Laura B.

I hate not being invited to my best friend's surprise party. The jerk.

Eddies still Eddie. Choosing words carefully. Jon confuses me. Matt confuses me even more. Ack. I miss Timo

Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there

Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you loving you
I won't let you pull me down

<33

but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
...you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then

The other day I was doing set design with Di, and me and her were talking to Mike (her boyfriend) and *Duckie* and he was wearing one of those tiny little shirts he always wears and for like a millisecond I thought to myself "Wow, Josh looks really hot today" and then I realized what I was thinking and sat (well... stood) there thinking "Oh god... no," and then the moment passed and he looked like a Duck once again. A very nicely built Duck, but a Duck none the less. Okay shutting up now.

Let's call her Kirsten. Kirsten has just recently given me a fresh new reason to strongly dislike her. It is very hard not to all on her own, but she insists on feeding the fire. Wench.

Going to Katy's later. Might call Jonnie. Must find Eddie now... Asta.

I am so incredibly sick of war, both in Iraq, and on the home front.

I've come to the long awaited conclusion that my dad is crazy. And no, it is not a hyberbole. If he's the crazy one, and I'm the sane one, how come I've still gotta go to therapy.

English Bell rang... off I go.

Happy birthday Larrie poo... I lover you.

Okay... sooo... things have been... well... complicated.

*note to self: nix the unneccessary periods.

Hung out with Eddie wensday/saturday. He kissed me. Still not to sure about how I feel about that.

Hung out with Bridget a bajillion times... Park/Pizza/Pool/Austin street... the usual.

Fought with dad entire vacation. Must find way to avoid his wrath.

Had choir thing on friday... blessed experience. Uber amounts of fun, saw James again, I think his mom thinks I like him (confused face?), Em is cool, and Jovian is way more awesome than I previously thought.

Sick all weekend and today, another reason for my dad to kill me. He thinks eddies got nothing on steve even though he "looks like screech". Why is it that my parents insist on discussing my life without me? Then he and pops went into a rant on how I like "white boys"... anyway thats enough on that front.

Im so tired lately, like mentally. Maybe I need to up my dosage of caffine.

Nothing remotely interesting to write. Until 2morrow...

<33

My average in english in an 87.... ROAR!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!

*kill!!!*

Mr. I had a "talk" with me about my absences. He wasn't mean/angry or anything... but he did bring up the fact that it hurt my average... alot... like i went down 11 points.... grr. If I do an essay over the weekend he said he'd add on a few points. He doesn't recommend me for AP because my absences are a "major problem"... but he says I can take the test if I want to. Anyway... bleh... I've got an uber amount of work to do this weekend.

Talked with Matt the other day. He played his guitar and sang. Matt rocks my socks.

We found out what happened to kids who violate the honor code. muahahaha

ROAR