oh poo
Laura thinks I like chris. I am keeping all comments to myself other than hey Laura... he's practically in love with you. You're all he ever talks about... ever.

The dream is over
I haven't been home in a while so I guess I might as well update on what's been going on. Thanksgiving sucked majorly. I didn't even have turkey. I miss Rob and Laura. IYesterday I went to Palisades mall and Hot Topic and bought some really cool pants and a few t-shirts and patches and stuff. There were three guys working there who were so kool. There was one with pink hair who was really hot, a guy with a lip ring who was just kool, and a blonde/hot/funny/nice guy too. It was fun. Then I saw Adrian and he was all nice and stuff and he introduced himself to my aunt and stuff so it was cool. He looked so prettyful. Then I got another peircing wich hurts like hell. I'm getting a bar like across the top of my ear so I got the first top peircing today like all the way at the top of my ear where the cartilage is really thick and it hurt SO much. It still hurts. I mean it wasn't unebearable pain where I was crying and stuff but it still really hurt. Like I got sick after and wanted to throw up... I just felt so awful. But it was way worth it. I also talked to Chris a little while ago wich was sort of fun except I'm now aware of the fact that Mark thinks I'm "butt ugly" gee that makes me feel so much better about myself. Whatever... Mark is a jerk anyway so it doesn't matter. He thinks everyone is ugly and yet he can't get a girlfriend because everyone hates him. I also spent alot of time playing Tony Hawk pro skater 3 on PS2 wich was fun. I also REALLY miss Matt.... God. I wish I had never ended whatever we had... he's like the perfect guy. hot, nice, christian, musical, funny, cool, smart, weird... perfect. And he has an orange tux. I know I should be over it... he's so over me. But I can't help it. He was just so perfect. There's not one thing about hjm that I don't like. Anyway My ear really hurts and I need to do homework so I'm out. anti-<333 adios
PS Drew and Dereck are coming back in May!! yay!!

Everything I do, I do it for you
I have an announcement. Thanksgiving sucks. Thank you and have a nice day.
I have family over now... fun fun fun. Chris hasn't called so I don't know if we're going to the movies tommorrow. I'll finish this later. anti-<33 Asta
PS I miss Matt.. he was almost too perfect. I miss him I miss him I miss him. Too bad he doesn't L-word me back anymore. Laterz

Gobble Gobble
Why do turkeys have that red thing? It makes me ponder. Laura's never coming online agian. Poo. I'm going to make a page devoted to my life list thing and just keep on adding my goals there as I think of them. I'll do it when I'm not feeling lazy. Rob made one too and he has a good one. "sneeze with my eyes open". Interesting.
Rob: Jen wrote a list of things she wants to do in life. Thats cool.. so i wrote one.

1) I want to sneeze with my eyes open
2) I want to sleep with my eyes open.
3) I want to read the same book twice.
4) I want to eat an entire pizza pie.
"Tell all my friends I'm dead. I'm leaving you and this time it's for good. Tell all my friends that I'm dead. It won't belong before you forget my name." I love that song. Cia's coming over on friday and she tells her sister to tell her friends "Christina's dead, can I take a message" when they call while she's out. It's funny/whimsicle.
Talking to Matt for the first time in a looooooooong time. I miss him.... ALOT. I know I said I was over it but I'm not. God, I just like him so much. There isn't one thing about him that I don't like. He has this effect on me like you wouldn't believe. It's like he makes everything right in the world. And then I remeber he doesn't L-word me anymore. And it hurts. Alot.
Other than that today was alright. I have therapy next thursday... drops out this week because of thanksgiving. Me, Rob, Laura, Steve, and Chris wrapped Roma's locker today. The look on her face was so cute lol. She was so happy :-). I think I'm going to the movies with chris friday but I'm not sure because of the simple fact that I'm poor. Nothing else is new... Life is boring. Blah blah blah. Oh I had dance tonight.... it was awesome. Hung out with Nicky and Cia after school today... it was COLD. Nicky has a really good voice. Matt is leaving. *sigh* ehh... i've got to stop doing this to myself... it's been months. And I'm the one who ended things whatever the things were and he hasn't really wanted to speak to me and ugh. I'm going to stop now before I make myself depressed. I am thankful for my friends (Laura, Cia, Chris, Jessuh,. Jordan, Timmy, Rob....) and my family (Kimmy and Angie) and I am thankful for my art. anti-<333
Asta

Matt: i haven't been around as much as i'd like to of been
Me: yeah
Matt: what
Me: nothing just thinking
Matt: clarity rules
Me: lol you always say that
Matt: yes...yes i know
Matt: lol
Me: lol
Me: its always the same thing when I talk to you... what Im thinking about i mean
Matt: what's that
Me: I don't know how to word it
Matt: ok
Matt: *sigh*
Matt: 3 people are coming to my house
Matt: i don't want to see them
Matt: i have to go
Matt: i'm in my boxers and they'll flip if i'm not dressed
Me: okay
Me: well i guess ill ttyl
Me: happy thanksgiving
Matt: you too
Matt: i'm sorry
Matt: i really don't want to go
Me: its okay
Me: dont worry
Matt: (i don't like these people)
Matt: lol
Me: lol
Me: and u like me?
Matt: true

The makings of greatness
I just off of the phone with Chris a little while ago. The boy sang for me.... he also played his bass. It was really nice. Tomorrow I'm doing some stuff with friends. Now that that's out of the way...
I've been thinking about some things I really want in my life in no specitific order.
1. I want to have an adventure... a real one.
2. I want to be able to go somewhere far away from the city. Where it's so dark at nite that you can't even see your hand... Somewhere beautiful. Where the stars are the only things that light up the nite.
3. I want to fall in love. I want the real deal... I want to know that I'm in love. I want to feel it...
4. I want to actually be a kid. I never really got the chance with my mom and stuff... I want to be able to run around and act stupid. I want to climb trees and sneak out windows and just be a kid.
5. I want to go to college.
6. I want to start a tradition in my family... It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me.
7. I want to be in two places at one time.
8. I want a star named after me.
9. I want to become friends witha homeless person.
10. I want to go to Britain.
11. I want to meet Matt Theissan.
12. I will NOT have sex till I get married... and I mean it.
13. I want to befriend someone I hate.
14. I want the sky to be the starting point... not my limit.
15. I want to go on a road trip.
16. I want to write and publish a story/poem/whatever.
17. I want to meet Gregory Smith.
18. I want to live in the wold of Shel Silverstein.
19. I want to be completely and totally happy
20. I want to have a "moment"
21. I want to make my family proud of me.
22. I want to meet my mom's best friend.
23. I want a pet lobster named Socrates along with a sea monkey either named Athena or Bob.
Those are just a few goals.... I dont know...
Jordan called to wish me a happy thanksgiving... it was nice as well. I'll write some more after I watch Gilmore Girls. Much love <333 Asta.
PS funny covo between Laura and Rob
Rob: just imaigine if i were Tommy Vercettie and i OWNED miami
Laura: would me n jen be like you're female assasins?
Rob: yes and since i would be uber rich you could drive sports cars
Rob: and those all talk guidos would drive the crappy cars
Laura: YES!
Ron: and like you could kill whoever and mention the name and the cops would get off your ass
Laura: i like this idea
Rob: yes


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This sadness alone
Hey people, it's been a while. I went from writing a couple of times a day to barely a couple of times a week and miss it soooo much. Lets see whats happenong? On friday my stupid guidance councler sent me home because I have "issues". Saturday, Jessie was suppossed to come down but stuff happened and she's coming in 2 weeks. So me and my sisters, Angie (14) and Kimberly (12) went to see Harry Potter and the chambers of secrets wich was a great movie. Then me and Angie talked to Jordan all night. Most of it was fun but towards the end it kidn of sucked. We laughed sooo much but after Angie went to bed and me and Jord started talking just us, it's like his whole attitude change. He went from happy and fun to depressed in a matter of seconds. It was so weird cause I think maybe it was my fault. Even if it wasn't I didn't really help the matter. He's so cool and I felt really bad. He didn't even talk to me. It was a series of "uh huh"'s and "right"'s again. ugh.
As for right now I have a free period so I'm in the computer lab typing away. I have therapy everyday this week (fun stuff.... I meant that with a sarcastic tone). Ick. Steve is in my dance class. ::dies:: too bad he doesn't know I exist. I should probably be doing homework now because I know I won't have time with therapy and studying for my stupid english test. I hate english. It's torture to me. I want to major in journalism/creative writing and I hate english class. Sort of an oxymoron if you ask me. I just find the tests soo hard. It's all memorization and I can't seem to get it right. ugh. I hate english. The test is on the cantebury tales and I can't even remember who is virtuouse and who is flawed and I can't back up the few things I do remember with quotes because i don't even remember any quotes and blah. I also need to finish my theatre mask for art. I made one the looks like Benji from good charlotte but I have yet to paint it and dye a pink streak in his hair. All this school talk is starting to depress me so I'm getting off the subject now...
Life is going pretty much as usual. Sometimes sucky sometimes okay. Oh yeah... on sunday I dragged my aunt with me to church since I was dancing and at first she was really freaked out being an atheist and all but at the end it wasn't nearly as bad. She didn't stay long or anything. Just to see me dance but she came early so she had to sit through the devotional and she actually sang a teeny bit of a song. It was nice. Today I feel non-social. I think I'm going to hide out in the library during lunch just so I don't have to talk to anyone. eh... I don't know. Maybe I'll just hang with Rob. We're trying to pursuade Laura to come see the James Bond movie with us but she doesn't want to come cause she thinks it's a crappy movie... so yeah... That's abourt it...
I'm also getting a little tired of just writing about whats happening during my day... it's sooooo boring. I mean, I kind of just want to write about my thoughts sometimes. Like my whole Shel Silverstein concept. I wish I could live in his world. Or maybe like how one day I just want to go to some hick place just so I can see the stars... Like how I want to be able to act like a kid and just run around being stupid. Having water fights, playing ultimate leap frog, just being a kid. It's almost as if I was never really a kid. I never got to do these things and now I'm too old. Damn adults. I have figured that their sole purpose in life is to get into our minds and deprive us of what we need. Now I'm suffering from withdrawl. I think I grew up too fast.... unfair...
I also miss Matt... sort of... I'm kind of... I dunno... I guess I just think alot about Timmy lately.... Maybe this could have something to do with it :
Me: Well fine if you don't wanna talk then I wont. Bye.
Tim: Thats not it.
Me: Then what is it?
Tim: Your the only person who makes me feel like I don't want to die. And then I talk to you and I feel like I am going to die.
It's like everything is upside down when I'm around/talk to you. Everything is okay in the world.
Me: " Everything I've ever wanted is a thousand miles away from me..."
Tim: You quoted me...

The bells about to ring. I better go. anti-<333 Asta

Its been a while...
I haven't had much time to come online lately and I've missed this blog terribly. Things have gone both good and bad lately. Tuesday Laura, Chris, Rob, Ed, Roma, Paco, and I all had last free so we all hung out by my locker since my locker rocks hard. Chris was harrassing us as usual (he BIT me) and was laying down on everyone. At one point Laura tied his shoe laces together and since he had been tickling me before while I chased him vigorously he (being the show off he is) came up to me and was like "try and chase me now." Of course I ran after him (he hopped because his shoelaces were tied together) and he went up a flight of stairs around the middle divider thingy and down the stairs. He jumped the last 6 stairs or so and I guess he didn't know he had to pull open the door because he flew into it and somehow ended up on the floor with me beside him. It was funny. REALLY funny... but it was also one of those things you had to be there to see to get the full hilarity of it. Talked on the phone with chris on wensday and he sang and played his bass for/to me. It was a mood lifter. Yesterday I was like hysterically crying and I called him and he lifted my spirits once again. It was nice. I actually have a real friend. I mean I have a few of them, but good friends are hard to come by. Report cards came. Blech. I failed some classes. Me... the braniac.... the one who was saluditorian... is failing classes. I feel so bad about it too... my dad doesn't care but I do. Grades are a big deal to me.... but it's okay, im not going to live and die by the forst quarter. Dance team is going really well. On sunday were doing this song by Kirk Franklin wich is pretty cool. There are now five of us- Miriam (17), Valeska (12), Jenny (20), Damaris (19), and me. We are POOR and we need stuff so if you would like to make a donation... email me!!
As for today... it sucked. I hate my guidance councler with a passion. She and my nurse attacked me today and sent me home because I have "issues" and I'm "sick" and we "need to get down to the bottom of this" because me "problem is totally overcomeable". I want to slug her... she just agrravates me. How many times in 72 hours can you be told your a screw up without going completely and totally insane?? Anyway I better go study. Jessies coming over tommorrow... :-) and so is my other little sister, Angie, shes 14 and I haven't seen her since like August. Its going to definately de-stress me some... I hope...

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.... But I'm puerto rican...

Again I go unnoticed
Today was pretty cool. Me and Rob came up with the BEST idea... I'd tell you about it but I'd have to kill you. I was so happy to see everyone again. It's been sooo long since I've seen everyone. I took some pictures of friends.. that was kool. I actually hung out *alot* with Chris today. In the morning before H period we hung out... I missed him. Then in between lunch and geometry we hung out some more and then some more after school. It was fun. We took these career test thingies today and I got some interesting results. My highest were in the arts, social, journalism, and music so it's cool because those are actually the felids I'm considering taking in college. Anyway I think me and Rob are going to the movies on friday and hopefully we'll drag someone along so it doesn't seem like... yeah.... as long as he doesn't get his report card before then. It's either that or hanging out with Cia. Either way it's kool. This morning when I was about to take a picture with Chris Alex and Guy jumped in. Well thats about it. I've to go finish homework now. Later days. <33
Asta



You could feed a 3rd world child for a year with the cost of those pants, ya know.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

Chris is kool
Once again cheering me up :-)

Ha! We are gigantic!!!!

I miss matt
Stupid emo kid. Stole my friggin heart.... God why did I let that happen... *Throws a shoe at someone*
Blah
He made me believe he loved me, stupid boy. He doesn't even get the effect he has (or had) on me. Now he won't even talk to me... blah. I don't want to talk about this. I don't even want to think about it... I don't even know what I want. blah.

I have a monkey on my butt...
Today was okay I guess... Slept over Erica's house and stayed up till 3am. It was fun sort of. We watched A walk to remember... I love that movie. I talked to Cia for a while on the phone and Im thinking it would be a good idea to call Timmy to see whats up. I haven't talked to Jordan in forever and I miss him. I'd call but his roomate doesn't really like me so I'm not going to call. Cia wants me to teach her how to skateboard wich is kool... we'll probablly do that on friday. I haven't figured out when I'm going to drag Rob to the movies... hopefully sometime this week. I feel relatively happy today... just kind of restless though. I'll be back in school 2morrow. That's about all for this boring update... much love <333 (sort of)
Asta

I'm alive...for you, I'm awake because of you....
If only life were like that. I talked on the phone with Laura for a while today and yesterday. It was nice. Yesterday we discussed Chris and today we talked about college. She wants to major in radio while I think I'm going to go forth with art and creative writing wich is cool I guess. We'll probably end up in colleges far away from eachother though and that kind of sucks... oh well... we have a while more to think about college and stuff. Whats new? Jessie has a boyfriend... his name is Whim or something. The whole "I love you" "I love you more" thing is kind of freaking me out... He's cute though... sort of. He looks like hes 12 while Jess is almost 16. Anyway whats new in politics? I have no friggin idea because I've been spending all my time lately just checking out the satire making fun of politics. Tis a great thing...
I can't wait to see Laura and Rob and Cia on monday... it's been soooo long. I have to think of a day to drag Rob to the movies... It'll be fun. I just hope Laura comes so it doesn't look all *weird*... and because you people keep on sending me emails asking about Rob and if we are more than friends the answer is no. Rob is my FRIEND. And only that. Totally Platonic. Thankyouverymuch. Anyway I better go get ready to leave. Going out with some family... fun stuff.... actually with my aunt whos pretty cool so it's not going to be completely horrid. You know how meals with family are... theyre all traps... trying to get inside your mind. Ick...
much love <333 Asta

All to you...
I have to see a councler/shrink. Fun stuff... NOT. Apparently I suffer from mild depression... And I really hate being told that overand over again. Don't people unerstand that I get it? Gosh. I don't really feel depressed. I mean I'm not sad, I'm not happy either though. I just feel indifferent... and when I don't feel anything I just feel angry. I'm tired all the time and I sleep alot and I guess thats a "sign of depression." People think that my writing is good. It felt kind of nice. Even my complaining full of self-pity blogging. People LIKE reading it... I guess it's nice knowing my feelings don't go completely unnoticed...
Today I had a meeting with my guidance councler with my dad. I think he let out his "feelings" more than I did. Basically she's going to ask my teachers if I can somehow make up the work I missed from being "hospitalized" even though the first quater is over and just get more credit during the second. I missed a really cool art project (in case you don't know me... Art is my LIFE) so I'm going to ask my teacher to let me do it at home and bring it in. Hopefully she'll accept it. Anyway thats about all here...
Asta

Huh?
I suddenly feel like crap and I don't know why. *Throws a shoe at the wall* Blah

Huh?
I suddenly feel like crap and I don't know why. *Throws a shoe at the wall* Blah

When it rains. it pours
I miss Laura. Blah... What do you do without your best friend? Maybe I really am depressed. I don't know... but I know that I really need to thank my friends for being there for me. Laura's always there to bitch to and she actually cares. She's always there to act insane with and its just awesome. Lets just say theres been more than one time I've cried to her for nothing in particular... and she also thinks she's figured out who Bill and Esmerelda are. It's funny but I will say nothing. Cia is always there to make me feel better no matter what. Rob brings me back to earth when I'm on cloud nine and always cheers me up. And Chris is just... Chris. And he's a really great friend... Just calling me means alot cause it shows how much he cares (platonically of course).

Laura :I will write about my amazing Saturday later, just because it really was the most fun I've had in ages. Plus I also seem to be developing a love life. ::GASP::
me: LOVE LIFE???? I"M THE BESTIE...I WANNA KNOW!!!

Andyway thanx guys for being there for me.... even though I'm a bit insane and have an obsession with Gregory Smith and GC as well as the Harry Potter books and The Lord of the Rings trilogy... I love you guys <33
Asta
PS. I'm dragging Rob to see sum movies with me soon (Harry potetr and the chamber of secrets and The two towers [Lord of the rings].) and Cia's coming over 2morrow.

2,009 vistors!!!!!! PARTY TIME!!!

Dun dun dun
Today was kind of boring.... Went to the doctor. They say I am suffering from mild depression... I don't know though... I feel fine. Cia's coming over tomorrow and I talked on the phone with Chris for a while. He's pretty kool. He also wants his band to play at my sweet 16 wich is way kool cuz its both Chris and Nicky. But then i have no excuse for inviting Guy.(If you don't know who guy is... don't ask.) and what else? I think thats about it. anyway I'm out. Asta <333

Scrappleface
U.N. Protects Sea Horses, Ignores Sea Monkeys
(2002-11-14) -- The United Nations voted this week to protect Sea Horses and several other species, but again ignored the plight of the Sea Monkey.

"We're not asking for much," said an unnamed Sea Monkey, whose cranial stalks give the appearance of a crown. "We just want some affirmation that we matter. And, we want the U.N. to make it illegal to flush our people down the toilet when the water starts to smell."

The Sea Monkey, standing with his wife and two children in front of their small castle, said humans who buy Sea Monkeys are often disappointed by how small they are and how much they look like ordinary brine shrimp.

"Some blame the magazine ads for building false expectations," he said, "but I think it's intolerance and racism of the worst sort. It's just the kind of thing that the United Nations was created to prevent."

whoa
My friend Natalia whos never visted this site and doesn't even know about it came across my website while searching on the web. It's just like wow.... People actually come here. she figured out it was mine after the whole "I go to prep my name is Jenise-Marie" thing. Almost 2,00 people have visted my site!! whoa... i think we need to have a party!!! dun dun dun... Anyway thats about it for now. Much love <33 Asta
Oh yeah! Erica and Nick got the pics back from the GC concert! I'll try and put em up soon!

Dun dun dun
So I've made a few small changes to the site... it took me all day so please be nice and notice. I added a buy me stuff section so that people who love me can buy me stuff... even if you don't love me, buy me stuff. I'm poor. I also changed the commenting system. I like blog out better... Hmm what else have I done.. Changed a couple of the "about me" things and such and I guess thats it. later days. <333 Asta

Okay
Made some changes to the site... theyrenot very noticable but whatever, Enjoy.
Asta

Yet another test....

This is a test.... BEEEEEEEEP

Blah
I had an anxiety attack last nite. Me and my dad got in a huge fight and so this why I am not in school. I have come to the conclusion that I don't completely hate him. I only hate him 89.12 % of the time. But I occaissonally think he's an alright person. I really wanted to go to school today so I could talk to Cia and stuff and meet Joe. I also wanted to try and catch a glimpse of Josh. muahaha... but I will keep myc omments to myself.
I didn't sleep at al all nite. I just couldn't sleep. I called Pyro's voice mail and left depressing messages but I'm okay now I guess. I was on the verge of calling Matt but I decided against it. I tried to call Jordan but of course he didn't talk or anything so I hung up in like 2 minutes. Basically he said "mmmhmm" a bunch of times and that as it. His roomate also isn't too fond of me. In fact he gets ticked off when I call and stuff so I think I'm just going to not call him anymore.
I won't be in school for the rest of the week. I have to go back to the hospital for tests... Oh joy. fun fun fun.
Oh yeah... I have just realized, I don't really "fit in" with my friends. Steff, Cia (christina), and Laura have all been friends for so long... I'm kind of like the odd one out. They even have this thing (steff) Nia, (Laura/Pyro) Lya, and (christian) Cia. It's kool though. I just feel weird sometimes... especially around Steff... like I just don't belong there. Laura and I have been besties since the begining of freshman year, but I didn't even meet steff till June and I didn't know Cia till this year. Cia is cool though... we get along really well... but when it's just the three of them... I don't know. I just want to walk away. Maybe I'm insecure or whatever but It's kind of hard to feel secure when you don't really have anyone to care about you. Lets see.... who are my real friends...
Laura
Cia
Chris
Rob
Timmy
Jessie
Jordan
That pretty much covers it.. I mean I know Alot of people... but theyre not really my friends.... Blah. I better stop feeling sorry for myself and clean my room or something. Asta <33

For you- Stained
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. *kicks the stereo and throws a shoe against the wall* I hate him.

Blah. Chris called today. So did Cia. Haven't talked to Laura. Feel like crap. School tommorow. Hate my dad.

I hate him
It has been confirmed. My dad's purpose in life is to make me miserable.
Anyway... getting off the subject. Chris called today wich was kool. He talked alot about Laura and sweaters and lockers and such. But as I have promised my bestie, I'm keeping my comments to myself. I feel really sick and really mad right now. My head is like pounding. Grr grr grr... double grrr. Vivian is going to visit soon because I'm sick so I guess I'll get offline now. Oh yeah, to my school friends, I should be back in school tommorrow but I won't be in thursday. Anyways... later days. Asta <333

Sonic flood- when the music fades
Perhaps the best song in the world... at least to me. That and "Did you feel the mountains tremble"... I just love that song. Anyway I'm tryng to fix myself... I'm trying to kind of let God kind of fix me you know? Like stop being afraid to become who I am... I don't know. Maybe I'll even stop hating the world... I doubt it... but hey, you never know. Well I just got back from the doctor... I am physically fine. Emotionally... thats my problem. Turns out I have anxiety. Not really depression but in some ways, more dangerous. Like it makes me physically sick. You've probably noticed that whenever I fight with my dad (EVERY day) I get really screwed up. Most teenagers aren't like that. The doctor told me I have to go to counceling and my dad is making me go see this guy from my church, Steve. I really don't wan to see him and don't feel comfortable around him but the ass I call dad is "making" me. I had "chance after chance yet I refused to seek out help... now he's doing things his way." I really do hate my dad. I mean occaissonally I love him... but utimately I hate his guts and long for the day I turn 18. He freaking left me when I was a kid and when my mom got really sick ge decided to come back into my life. Well you know what? I'm not ready to forgive him. He LEFT me and my mom... stupid bastard. And then he curses me out and blames all his problems on me. He has the mentality of a 6 year old. And he wants all the attention. He gets mad at me because I don't give him enough attention wich is really hilarious considering he LEFT me when I was like 3. I strongly dislike him. But I also hate being sick all the time. So I'm going to see Steve... and ask him to send me somewhere else because I don't feel comfortable around him.And I guess thats that.
As far as being stressed out there are a number of things stressing me out. School, home, fighting with my dad all the time, my family, Guys... the list goes on. blah. I really don't feel like bitching and moaning (and cursing but as you can see I'm not in the best mood). I guess I'll call Laura and calm down some. Then I'll find some kool stuff for my blog.
Asta la Vista
<333

PS my dad is taking away my journals... I'm so mad at him. At least I still have my blog. He just doesn't understand that writing and art and music (aka the humanities) are my therapy... I feel so much better after putting my thoughts down on paper or playing my guitar. I dunno...

---------------THE BASICS----------------


* Name On Birth Certificate: Jenise-Marie Pollock
* Nicknames: Jen, punk-monkey, shorty, loser (in the endearing sort of way), 'Niece, Jalepeno
* Birthday: July 31
* School: St francis Prep
* Colour of eyes: Hazel/brown
* Height: 5'4 almost
* Shoe Size: 8
* Brothers/Sisters: Kimberly-12, Alex-20(doesn't live with me), Angelique[Angie]-14 (also doesn't live with me
* Who lives with you: Kim, dad, grandpa
* When is your bedtime? Whenever I feel like turning off my music, putting down my book, and pulling the covers over my head.


----------HAVE YOU EVER-----------


* Been so drunk you blacked out: I've never been drunk, period.
* Missed school because it was raining: I love rain. But no, not 'cause of rain...
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: uh no... I'm not Laura or Steffie
* Kept a secret from everyone: No, there's always been at least one other person who knew. I'm a very open person.
* Had an imaginary friend: Yeah, his name kept changing because I was fickle as to what name I liked best, but I think at its most recent it was Harold.
* Wanted to hook up with a friend: *mumbles* I plea the fifth...
* Cried during a Movie: I cry at most anything. I cry at commercials.
* Had a crush on a teacher: No
* Ever thought an animated character was hot: uh no... I'm not *THAT* insane
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: yes... do not mock me... I used to be madly in love with Joey in my 2nd grade days
* Been on stage: yes!.. I was born to perform
* Cut your own hair: Yeah, it actually came out cool..
* Been sarcastic: No. Of course not. Never.


---------FAVORITES-----------


* Shampoo: herbal essence and this green tea shampoo stuff that smells/feels all minty...
* Soap: Bath and body works vanilla or Dove
* Color: blue/black/orange/red
* Day/Night: NIGHT
* Summer/Winter: fall
* Lace or satin: Lace
* Cartoon Characters: The Simpsons/Sponge bob
* Fave Food: Pizza... whatever my grandma cooks (shes spanish)
* Fave Advertisement: I have a thing for the snikers commercials...
* Fave Ice Cream: cookies and cream
* Fave Subject: Français!/Performance art
* Fave Drink: Ice tea


-------------RIGHT NOW------------------


* Wearing: snowflake pj pants and a sponge bob wife beater.
* Hair is: stupid.
* I'm feeling: eh.
* Eating: a hersheys kiss
* Drinking: Nothing
* Thinking: hehe... monkeys are fuuuun...
* Listening to: Good charlotte
* Talking to: no one... was talkin to Drew earlier though


-----------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------


* Cried: Yeah, read previouse blog
* Worn a skirt: Nope.
* Met someone new: nope.
* Cleaned your room: clean... room... riiiiiight
* Drove a car: No license. No permit. No nothing. I've stopped caring. Sort of.


------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------


* Yourself: Most of the time.
* Your friends: definately... just like they believe in me
* Santa Claus: duh... who do you think brings the presents?
* Tooth Fairy: yeah... his name is DAD.
* Destiny/Fate: To a certain extent. I think fate only takes you so far, it's your ultimate decision that decides the future, and that decision is yours alone.
* Angels: Yes.
* Ghosts: nope.
* Alternate life forms: eh..


------------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------------


* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Nope.
* Who have you known the longest: Angie and Erica... my sister and cousin... two of my best friends. Also Miriam Nieves
* Who's the shyest: Laura before she meets you... and sometimes Cia/Rob
* Who's the weirdest: Chris...
* Who do you go to for advice: Laura/Cia.
* Who do you cry with: I cry. Alone.... or with Laura by my side... shes my bestie.
* When did you cry the most:when my mom died
* What's the best feeling in the world: Alright, you all saw this one coming- Going to a concert, waiting impatiently for the band you came to see to come on, and closing your eyes as you scream along to the lyrics that *are* your life.
* Worst Feeling: Feeling trapped. Like no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, you're stuck. Helplessness. That and feeling vulnerable. Just waiting for someone to walk all over you.

Stupid emotions
I strongly dislike my dad. The feeling is mutual but I have decided to not wallow in self pity like I usually do. It get's boring.
I miss Matt. Alot. The question is... does he miss me?
Everyone has that image... the perfect guy or girl. Well Matt is mine... maybe he's too perfect... I'm still not sure. He said so many things. But now I wonder, was it real? Or was he just saying it... I know that it seems mean to think stuff like that of a person but I can't help it. It's like he's embedded in my mind and he stupidly consumes my every thought. I don't even know why. And then theres Jordan... blah... ts not that I don't care about him because I do. He knows what I think of him and I'm not lying. Just talking to Matt today was just... I don't know. It wasn't even a nice conversation. In fact he had me near tears... I just... I don't know...
Blah. I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm tired of this. later people. <333

Why does Matt have that effect on me
I'm so hung up on him it's pathetic. I mean grrr... im so stupid sometimes. I don't know whether to believe him or what to think or anything. I'm like in tears now... but does he care? Probably not. Considering everytime i TRY talking to this guy who once said he L-worded me he has an excuse. I don't even know what to think. I don't even know why I'm crying. Why why why. I don't know if he's telling the truth or if everything thats ever happened has been a lie. I don't even know. Blah. I feel sick.... I can't deal with this... not now.
bye.

SlickReservation: do you think i'm avoiding you or something
JeniNyPr: i dont know what i think
JeniNyPr: i dont know what to think
JeniNyPr: i just... dont know
SlickReservation: i'm not avoiding you...i'm just not home alot...i'm sorry
SlickReservation: i don't mean for it to seem that way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JeniNyPr: i dont think you feel the same way you used to feel about me... but then again im not feeling great and it could be a way of self-mutilation or something
SlickReservation: :-\
JeniNyPr: ...
SlickReservation: i don't know what to think...
JeniNyPr: are you upset at me?
SlickReservation: no
SlickReservation: just confused
JeniNyPr: about
SlickReservation: what to do now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SlickReservation: i'm about to jump in the shower
JeniNyPr: yeah... figures

What fashionable underground band/style are you?

this quiz was made by the sunni bunni bear


What Tortured A Block AP World History Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



how would you commit suicide?
Gee... isnt tha nice...

Home alone and sick
I'm reaquainting myself with Drew (aka "cheekbones") wich is kool i guess. Im not feeling too hot, but im super bored. I think my friend (well call him bill) likes my other friend (lets call her Esmerelda). Anyway... yes Bill and Esmerelda have a mutual attraction of one another going on and its so cute. Almost too cute but not quite there yet. Just so you all know... Cigarette smoke contains Arsenic... the same thing found in rat poison and I refuse to let myself be sold to the tobacco company. I talked to Timmy last nite wich was kool... he kinda spent alotta time talking about *Kate* and I also talked to Jordan for a few minutes wich was okay I guess. Everwood is tonite!!!yay! I have this undying obsession with Gregory Smith. I know I know... it's a bit pathetic... but whatever. I'm being forced to talk to a shrink. It isn't fair. And my dad thinks I'm depressed wich is really funny. He thinks I'm depressed cuz I don't talk to him... But the only reason I don't talk to him is because everytime we talk we argue and I hate him most of the time. blah blah blah... Well nothings really happened today seeing that I just woke up so I'll update later maybe. Asta la Vista my little blog. much <33

Home again
I spent the last 3-4 days in the hospital and it feels so good to be home. My close friends know whats going on and I'd like to keep it so that they're the only ones so sorry people but thats all I'm going to say about that. Oh yeah... Hospitals suck. I hate them with a passion. Rob called me while I was there wich was really cool... I felt so special. Christina and Laura were really worried about me and Christina might come by to visit tommorrow. My dad is making my life a living hell but hey, thats old news. Matt DOES hate me but I've started to stop caring. I mean I was only like in love with the guy for 2+ months... but i refuse to think about him...at all. I wrote Jordan a letter today and I hope he likes it. hmm what else did I do? I got in trouble... got cursed at and I feel sicker than ever. I just want to roll into a ball and sleep for a few decades. I saw this movie, A walk to remember, and it was REALLY great. I've started planning my sweet 16 and I'm doing to things. A) My besties and I + Rob and Chris maybe are gonna get a limo and just hit the city. B) My party is to be held in conneticut at my aunt's friend's house. Its soooo beautiful up there... its amazing. And the house is gorgeous. And since my birthday is in the summer we're gonna do it outdoors and its gonna be so great. I'm thinking to invite like 20-25 of my friends... I don't even think I have that many that would wanna go though. I'm gonna wear a dress and look all pretty and primped and stuff so take a picture... this is probably the 2nd time this year (possibly third) that Ill look like that. I'm only dressing up for Laura and Christina's sweet 16s and im through. and yes... you who are invited WILL have to dress up. And if i invite u, my aunt is probably just gonna rent a van and have everyone squeeze into it. In fact... I might not even really dress up at all.. Maybe I'll just have a party party plus the whole 16 candles thing. On my list of invites so far I've got Laura (my bestie) and Christina and Jessie. thats 3 down... 17 to go. Oh yeah... Steve and Rob and Adrian... but I dont know.. I want guy guys to come... not just friend guys... maybe im being picky... I dont know. And Laura's got this whole image of a skirt made of a trillion silk scarves stuck in my mind so I'm not sure what Im gonna wear... but I kow there is no way in hell your gonna get a tiarra on my head.. and I refuse to get my nails done...Anyhoo I'm not suppossed to be online so farewell my blog. much love <33

What Member of The Get Up Kids Are You?

You are Heavy Metal! Angry, sad, and disillusioned, you are Heavy Metal. You are the embodiment of the darkness of the human heart. Your main themes are sadness, anger, and hopelessness. You are frequently misunderstood by others and many link you to devil worship. However, those willing to look through the shell of darkness and anger find you to be very intelligant, poetic, and artistic. Too bad your inclination to look for the beauty in darkness and your general attitude of frustration with humanity as a whole tends to send most people running for the nearest exit. But despite that, you wouldn't have it any other way.

Take the what music genre are you quiz by PsychosisX!

you are the most likely of the smashing pumpkins to lead a happy, normal life. your innate shyness conceals a wicked sense of humour and a fondness for sweet love songs. which pumpkin are you?

In school
Right now I'm in school... it's senior lunch and I have the hour free.Today started off really crappy but it's getting better. Theres a really cute guy sitting a computer away from me... lol... yes I'm a bit insane. He's not what most girls would call cute, but to me he is. He's a little dorky looking and has that under ground rock nerd thing going on... brown hair and brown eyes. There's a five start notebook on his lap and he has a red nike draw string book bag on. He looks italian... maybe European of some sort. Relatively skinny and just a bit taller than me... great smile... but anyway...
I have so much homework to do tonight PLUS dance practce from 8-10 pm. I dopn't know how I'm going to get it all done. Chris and Laura constantly flirt but I don't think Laura is aware of it. Rob might be (probably is) going to be moving to Florida... I'm sooo sad. He's become like one of my best friends...
Blah well I think the lunch period is goiung to end soon and I still have to do english homework so I better go soon. Oh yeah... I'm pretty sure matt hates me. Blah... I miss him so much sometimes... I don't think he's missing me though at all.
wellz.. Adios my little Blog. anti-<333

PS. I think Matt hates me.

Good charlotte... Billy... Joel... not me
Today is the GC concert. I am not there... I am here... doing homework... and wishing I was there... and waiting for steff to call me saying she got back stage and putting Billy, Joel, Benji, or Paul on her cell phone to talk to me... wich isn't going to happen. She promised me pictures though. I am here... sick... doing homework... not fun. Read this http://www.recroommagazine.com/articles/avril.htm it was recomended to me by Laura. Blah.. I don't feel well... I feel broken. I guess I'll go study for my bio test. bye now. anti<333

What Do You Wear to Bed?

Brought to you by Faytrial
Manly?

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

Take the test, by Emily.

Sorry about the profanity... I don't like to curse...




what sort of weirdo are you?

this quiz by belle

Life doesn't suck so much when...
Christina adopts a sea monkey!!

dun dun dun... life=suckiness
Timmy's in a bad mood, Jordan is mad at me, and I don't fit in with any of my old or new friends. It's like thats song "...it's killing me, the problems I face daily" (Adema).
Stolen from Laura's blog:
Then again... what's so great about fitting in?
If you want to fit in with one crowd of people, you're a sheep... a drone... a really sucky, unpersonalitied person...
But if you don't fit in with the crowd who thinks that... then what are you?
What if you just belong in a little group by yourself?
And you only want to let certain people in?

Blah. I feel so.. I don't know... alone. so get away from me before I beat you up. anti-<33

ps. Robs still in florida. And Laura is probably busy with her other friends. Who do I have? answer :no one so get away from me.

its been a while... but im ready to spill my guts out once again...
well.. I havent had much time to write so I guess I'll just make it short. I passed out in school the other day... it was really scary.. and its the 4th time in 2 months that its happened. And no one knows whats wrong with me... I took some tests though and hopefully theyll find out. Laura was freaking out and stfuf and she was like "Jenise!!! Your ALIVE!!!!" and alot of other people and school ran up to me and hugged me and stuff and making sure I'm okay. Considering I strongly dislike most of humanity I felt rather special. I got an A+ on my dance project wich I'm really proud of considering we did it about I count off timing but I guess she liked it because we got a really good grade. I found out the name of the really hot guy in my dance class. His name is Stephen... I think he has a girlfriend though so I'm kind of not gonna do anything (I probably wouldn't do anything even if he didnt have a grilfriend but whatever).
What else is new? Oh... I have a new friend!! His names Jared and he's in my global class. He's also friends with alot of my friends so I dunno I guess it was bound to happen. I also think I'm over Adrian. The obsession was relatively short lived.
Theres this whole issue with guys too. Theres this stuff with Jordan... and blah... its so confusing. It's like this is what I wanted for so long and for some reason... I don't think I want it anymore. It's like in a way I still do what this... just not yet or now. Tim wrote a song for me... It's really beautiful and I don't know... Timmy really is one of closest friends though and it was good.
Getting off the subject...happy late haloween!! I did semi-haloweenish things. I went trick or treating as a catholic school girl (so i just went on my way home from school.. so?) and got some candy. Wich I shared with laura and chris and roma. Chris and Laura were (in my opinion) acting very flirtaciously the other day but then again... thats my opinion and I don't want her to be freaked out by this.... again. Well thats about it. Later days<33