Passed out in school... very sick... dont wanna talk about it now...
I stole this from Andrew's profile cuz i liked it and i want my friends to know i lover them

To my friends
When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help
you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made
you sad.
When you are blue, ... I'll try to dislodge whatever
it is that is choking you.
When you smile, ... I'll know you FINALLY got laid.
When you are scared, ... I will rag you about it every
chance I get.
When you are worried, ... I will tell you awful
stories about how much worse it could be and tell you
to quit whining.
When you are confused, ... I will use small words to
explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick, ... stay the hell away from me
until you're well again. I don't want whatever you
have.
When you are heaving, ... I will hold your hair while
you pay homage to the porcelain god.
When you fall, ... I will piss myself laughing at you.
This is my oath, ... I pledge it till the end.
Why, you may ask? Because you're my friend!


To my really good friends
If one day you feel like
crying...

Call me.
I don't promise that
I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away-
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to
stop...
But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to
listen to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.

But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Maybe I need you.

PS
Just wanted to say that Laura, I lover you and same thing to Chris, Steffie, Rob, and Marielle!!

HA WE ARE GIGANTIC!!!

August in bethany
I love that song... hehe. Anyway I spent a little more than 20 hours on the phone with Jordan this weekend wich was really really great because he's really really great and blah... yeah lol. Anyway today was pretty good, school was boring but no homework. Jordan = mi gato azul y mi amor. And yea i know I'm getting sappy and stuff but I don't know.. he's my best friend and blah... i dont feel like telling the world what I'm thinking at the moment. so yeah... Rob left me today... again. And then he gets mad at ME for leaving HIM after school... he went and did something with steve or his lover as I like to call him.. anyway I'm talking to jordz so ima go. much love <33

PS I wanted to get Joel but Im too lazy to cheat and take the quiz again. Pauls kool tho and so is Billy..

What GC Boy are you?
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Okay.. considering I write in here like 12 times a day.... me not writing in a while has been a big deal
So lets start from the begining. Friday was okay I guess... the school smells really bad because of the fire and Lop tard among other non-prep goers saw my school on TV. Classes were relatively short and I'm working my butt off to get everything done as well as make up some reall bad grades fof the first quarter. We got out of school at like 12:45 and I hung out with Adrian till around 5. Marielle was also with us until around 2:30. I don't think Adrian likes me. To make a long story short Marielle was asking him for advice and stuff about this guy she likes and he was pretty much demonstrating on me like how he acts with girls he likes. Wich is a bit different than how he acts with me. He acts alot more sweet/shy around girls he really likes and the KIND of flirt is different. He also doesn't like when a girl tells him that she lieks him because it likes it to be somewhat "mysterious"... Anyway, we went to Hagan Daz in wich I shared some of his sundae and then we headed to the mall. After Marielle left we huing out in this store that sells paintings/posters/photographs and stuff and we looked through every single poster wich took like over an hour... i think. He decided on a Marilyn Monroe poster and put a down payment on another Marilyn Monroe poster. He even took the bus with me even though it's harder for him to get home that way. I was enjoying having "alone time" with my obsession even though he doesnt like me like that and then Karol came on the bus. Well of course Karol and him started flirting even though they don't like eachother. Karol considers herself a slut (I mean she really admits it... "So what if I'm a slut? At least I always get hot guys...") and Adrian thinks of flirting with Karol as "practice". Oh yeah... Bridgette is now convinced I like Chris because today in french before the bell rang we were semi-play fighting and he was tickling me and stuff and grabbing my hands and such.. we were just playing around though.

Later on I went to the youth campaign wich is going on this weekend... it was really awesome last nite and I should be leaving for it in like half an hour. I talked to Tim last nite and it was okay I guess. A bit akward but we decided to remain friends... or he decided to remain friends... and I'm kool with it because Timmy is like one of my closest buds... I mean he's like a brother to me. Around 2 am I called Jordan and we talked until 5:11 am. I am TIRED... but it was worth it. He's way cool. Anyway we took like anotherhour to hang up with eachother ("okay... bye" "bye"...."you still there?" "yeah hehe.. hang up!!" "alright foreal this time... bye" "bye"......"hello?" "haha... come on.... hang up the phone!" "okay much luv bye" "luv you too bye".... "hello? you there?" "yeah... lol okay for real... bye" multiplied by a million). Then today I went to volunteer at the open house at my highschool for my performance arts class and for just being there I also got extra-credit for English so I'm pretty happy.

As far as with the SHOBC youth... they all think I either like Gil or Chris. Gil because they insist I bluch whenever I see him (wich I don't!) and Chris because he's the only other guy my age. everyones either younger or older than me. I don't like anyone... In fact... im still kind of missing Matt... it's hard... blah I don't wanna get myself down though so I'll go now. much love <33

oh gosh I almost forgot..
Me and Jordan talked to day... it was... semi-akward. I don't know how to explain it. He's my best friend but... I don't know... it was just weird.Now bad weird though... just different. I don't want to get into it right now though... blah

By the way...
I'm still dead when my dad gets my report card...

:-)
I'm talking to this guy I met on e-spin. he's really kool and in his picture... as laura(pyro) would say "pretty"... =)
Worked on the set till around 11 and then Jovian and Marvin took me home... It was fun. Basically it was just me, Jovian, Marvin, Gil for a while, Bea, Kim, and Richie working but it was still okay. Tommorrow I have to get up early so I can do my homework and go work on the set some more because I have school on friday. much love my little blog <33

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."-Volataire

Brrr....
I. Am. Cold.

one last request
Make sure someone takes care of Bob...my beloved sea monkey!

Better but still dead...

The youth dept. is giving me back the back drop 2 do so instead of hanging out tommorrow, I'll be painting... wich is kool because I like painting... I love it. And I'll be alone wich is good... because lately, people annoy me. Spoke on the phone with Adrian for 2 minutes today... two words to describe what I said:"cluck cluck". He was watching TV as usual so we didn't really talk. So now that I get to do my set again I'm not as miserable as before... but I'm still dead as soon as my dad sees my report card. I'm auctioning off my belongings... if interested give me a call at 1-800-IAM-DEAD... Oh and I'd like to be buried WITH my guitar, skateboard, and sketchbooks. <33(sort of...<33 since I'm miserable.... maybe just half a <33...yeah I'm insane...so?..)

I'm dead
School on holloween and on all saints day cuz some stupid head set our school (well part of it) on fire. And i only have 2 weeks to bring up my grades before the end of the quarter. I'm going to die. My dad is gonna kill me. My death-day conversation with Rob:
JeniNyPr: crap
JeniNyPr: im gonna fail english
JeniNyPr: theres only 1 quiz left
JeniNyPr: i will fail
JeniNyPr: with like a 40
JeniNyPr: and i will die
Crashwithuhk: thats it?
JeniNyPr: because my dads gonna kill me
Crashwithuhk: i might not do so good either
JeniNyPr: i want .... to cry
Crashwithuhk: Hey take it from me.. i dd bad last year.. the crappy feeling only lasts like 2 daysafter the report card
JeniNyPr: he thinks im like a 90+ student
JeniNyPr: im gonna die
Crashwithuhk: after thats is petty annoyance whenever your dad reminds you that you did bad
Crashwithuhk: so does my mom
JeniNyPr: and not even in a car accident
Crashwithuhk: she yells at me for like 2 days
JeniNyPr: not even an interesting death
JeniNyPr: the snipers not gonna kill me
JeniNyPr: itll be my dad
Crashwithuhk: then whenever the subject of school comes up she mentiosn it and it sucks.
Crashwithuhk: Trust me
Crashwithuhk: it wont be as bad as you think
JeniNyPr: i can see the headlines now... 15 year old girl dead... father cut her limbs off one by one until she lost so much blood she died... and then he continued to cut her limbs off... cause of this murder: failure of english 10
JeniNyPr: i only have 2 weeks to raise my other grades
Crashwithuhk: wait wait when you decide of this bag english grade do you take to account Praticipation and HW and stuff like that?
JeniNyPr: he gave me a progess report... a 68
JeniNyPr: and i did ALL my homework
JeniNyPr: and my grades a 68
JeniNyPr: im going to die
JeniNyPr: i want u to have my Nintendo game cube
JeniNyPr: use it well
Crashwithuhk: No your not. Your gonna feel like shit for a few days. Thats all.
Crashwithuhk: LOL dont start givin away your stuff
JeniNyPr: and make sure Laura gets my cd player
JeniNyPr: and tell Adrian that I was secretly obsessed with him for over a year after I'm gone
Crashwithuhk: Trust me.. ill see you the day after we get our report cards

Okay... so I didn't mean that completely
As Laura or Rob would say... it could be worse... I could have no nose. I am a bit calmer now that I got away from my dad. He's jut so retarded most of the time... it drives me insane. I probably won't see Adrian on friday because of abreviated schedule... I think I'll just hang with Steff and Laura because I miss hanging out with them after school... but we don't take the same bus home so it's best for me if I leave with Adrian or Rob. I think I'm doing REALLY bad this quarter and my dad is going to kill me when he sees my report card... and I only have like a week to bring my grades up... it seems impossible... blah. I would have had more time if we had school this week but no... someone has to burn the cafeteria down the only week i really needed to be in school.. that just shows how perfect my life is. No one interesting is online other than Rob and knowing him, he's probably gaming or something so I'm thinking I'll go to bed nice and early today... wake up early tommorrow so I can clean my room and do my homework and then hang out and stay up all nite tommorrow and sleep all day thursday and practice the dance I haven't practiced since saturday for H period. I hope I remember it. Well I supposse thats all... goodbye my little Blog. <3333

As life doesn't already suck
No my day wasn't bad enough... my dad has to jump up my ass about washing clothes and how I don't do it well enough. and he goes on and on because I didn't fold his shirts "just roght" he threw a freaking brush at me... can anyone say "anger management classes"? Grr... I feel broken.

My semi-sucky day
Today started with me working from 6am-12pm.... it was really tiring. Then I rushed to Home depot to pick up the paint I needed to do the back drop for the youth campaign because they put me in charge only to later find out Jovian decided (without me) to not even do the back drop. They change it at the last minute without even letting me know when I'm the one in charge... it really bothered me... I mean I like wanted to cry. Everyone has something they're good at... music, dancing, whatever... all I'm good at is art... and then they take it away from me right when I finally think I have something. And maybe I'm taking it too personally but it really bothered me because art is all that's mine... it's all I can do... and the thought of it being taken away from me as soon as it's given to me without warning bothers me.

Anyway, after I got home from home depot carrying three gallons of tank wich had to be dragged up the stairs do to lack of muscular structor, I talked to Timmy on the phone. Turns out he likes me likes me. And now he wishes he never said it because it's just going to mes things up and stuff because "nothing lasts forever" when it still meant alot to me. Whatever... and then he goes and is like "dude those cheerleaders across the street are ... whatever... he confuses me. I mean we're not going to go out or anything anyway because he's like one of my clsoest friends but how does he expect me to just forget about it?

After that Angie called... Jason kissed her... whoo hoo... I'm so proud!! By the way... Angie is sort-of my little sister. She's 14 and way kool. Then we started talking in stupid accents (think MAD tv' spanish chicks "oh no you didn't..." "Oh yes I did..." "Pero, it's like.. oh my gawd... like Ricky Martin...") and then we started talking in sweddish accents. And then I said "Oh jes...I iz strong" and Angie goes "You are strong... like bull!!" in a Russian accent and we start doing the whole austin powers thing- "You are hairy... like animal!! Make love to me monkey man!!!"... yeah... we're a bit insane. But the good kind..sort of...

Then I went to work on the back drop... got told I wasn't working on it,,, said I didn't feel well and went home... I felt so mad... like I literally got a headache... I called my dad and he said to just come home. Then this guy I know walked me home and I saw the movie "Big Fat Liar". It was really good and cheered me up a bit cuz I was REALLY mad.. Then I considered calling Adrian to discuss the story-line of Gilmore girls due to the fact that we have no apparent social lives and addicted to TV... But I decided against it and just came online. And here I am... spilling my guts out once again. I now have 1,432 visitors to my site... It's nice to know my feelings don't go unnoticed.

Oh and Laura and Jord... cluck cluck!!

grr
Does my dad have nothing better to do than bitch about nothing in particular... blah. I hate him so much sometimes. All he does is yell and scream about stupid things. thank God I only have to live with him for 2 more years. I hate him.

show me the money!!

I sort-of have a job now... it's basically whenever I can help out and I get paid $6 an hour.... pretty good ehh? tommorrow, since there's no school, I work from 6am-12pm wich is pretty good considering I get out early enough to maybe do something...

Anyway today I called Adrian again hoping to maybe be able to talk to him and tell him about "the obsession"... but when he picked up we ended talking about other stuff instead and about how there was no school till friday due to some fire or something. I also found out he was hung up on this girl we know (I won't say her name to protect her and everything) for like over a year but he doesn't really like her now. Rob told me to not think about what's going to happen after and just tell him.... blah. I don't know. I don't even think I will.

Anyway, right now I'm watching Everwood so I guess I'll go now. much love <333

Just a thought

Now to answer the questions of just about everyone who reads my blog, me and Chris are just FRIENDS. There is no flirtation or mutual like goinging on. Our relationship is totally platonic so people stop teasing me already. =P

Also... I have not nor will I ever forget about Matt. Yes I still like hima very great deal but I'm trying my best to get over him. I've liked Adrian for a very long time and so have I liked Matt... it's a really confusing situation and I would apreciate it if I didn't get emails claiming me to be sort of "cheating" on Matt. There is no "us" anymore when it comes to Matt... and there never can be. All we can be is friends and I rather be semi-happy and obsessing over someone I might actually have a chance with than be depressed over how I can't be with Matt. I still love him and I always will... but not in the same way. The whole "I'll love you forever" thing wasn't a lie... Because I really will love him forever... just not in the same way. I won't be in love with him and I'll always care for him... as a friend. Well thats about it. I'm thinking about calling Adrian today but I need advice. Leave me a comment if you have any.

ya know...
you have absolutely no idea how sexy his smile is....

dun dun dun

My body hurts. Alot. I spent at least a good 6 hours yesterday dancing/choreographing a 3 minute song for my dance class with my friend Nicole. The other group member, Anthony, never showed up. I should have seen that coming.

There's no school tommorrow due to some kind of flood or something. Yay!!

Today I was THIS close spilling my heart out along with my undying love for him to Adrian... well actually, I was just gonna tell him I like him and hang up and hope he doesn't totally freak out. So, I was dialing the phone getting ready to tell him and he picks up and his great voice says "oh hi Jenise" and I freak out... as usual.. and remember that I'm me and I'll die if I let him know how I feel. So I'm like "hi Adrian... well... I just um wanted to um... let you know.. that um... theres no school tommorrow" and he says "yeah I know... so-and-so told me... oh how did you get my phone number?" and I say "You wrote it in my agenda book along with 'call for agood time' " and he's like "well the offer still stands... hehe... just kidding. Well I guess I'll see you around" me: "okay bye" "bye".

I'm thinking about calling him tommorrow and trying again... Marielle, Rob, and Ravi are all telling me I should just tell him how I feel and get it over with. I don't know. I'm deathly afraid of rejection and I'm thinking it might hinder my train of thought.

Timmy has something he wants to tell me but he won't say what... he's leaving me wondering until tommorrow. Laura(pyro) is going on about how her brother ate her sandwich or something of the sort. Blah. I need a massage...

Friday five

Yeah yeah I Know. Its saturday but I didn't have a chance to do the friday five last nite. So I guess while wating for Nicole and Anthony to get their butts over here I'll do it.
1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
3
2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
eh... i dunno... 6 or something...
3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
if its teletubies/pokemon... yes
4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
Everwood, Gilmore girls, Smallville, Friends, WIll and Grace
5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
Everwood (gotsta love Gregory smith...), Gilmore girls, Everwood, Smallville, WIll and Grace, The simpsons...

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What Sign of Affection Are You?
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hehe... i like cuddles. If any guys out there seem interested give me a ring... i.e. Adrian... oh wait... you don't read this because if you did I'd just die. Plus you're never online so you CAN'T read this. hehe.

oh yeah!!
Im so happy!! got a 100 on my religion project and a really good grade on my global test today. :-) thank you rob!

Oh yeah
Karol kept on making little heart signs at me and adrian with her hands when his head was on me. he didnt get off for a while though so i dunno...

Long day... pretty good if I say so myself

Today was pretty kool. This morning I was pissed off but as the day went on I got happier. Ms.Gambino rocks... she's like the best religion teacher. Talked to Rob about death and gore and stuf... fun fun fun... UbeR fun... and instead of saying "I hope you die" to someone you hate... now its "i hop ethe sniper gets you" read Laura's blog. Even when she's pissed she rocks. anyway then during lunch Chris started tickling me (as he does everyday) and I somehow found out where he was ticklish (right by his ribs) and i tickled him back and he like screamed. then he tickled me some more and ran out the cafteria. we were on the west side of the school and I chased him all the way to east bottom stopping several times so we could tickle each other some more. at one point he started screaming "Jen!! Stop raping me!! Rapist ahhh!!" and I was like "Oh you know you like it!" (in a sarcastic tone) and he was like "shh!! not here!!" lol it was so funny having all the little freshman stare at us like we were freaks. Then me and Marielle attacked him before french wich was... interesting. lol. Then after school I went in search of Adrian. Before that I saw Laura and steff though wich was fun.. they rock hard. Anyway... back to looking for Adrian. He happened to be on east bottom so it wasnt that hard to find him. It was me, him, Karol, and Eric. We all started to walk the million-mile walk to the 88 stop and half way there Adrian is like"Man I really have to pee". Anyway lol, we stop talking about pee and start talking about other things and we decided 2 play a mean trick on Karol and Eric who were in front of us. He like stops me until they're way ahead and says "lets mess with their minds. You tell Eric that Karol likes him and I'll tell Karol that Eric likes her". Anyway it didnt really work cuz they were both like "so? I dont giva a f*ck" Anyway later on when we get to the 88 stop we decide to stop at Hagen Daz so Adrian can go take a leak. I get cookies and cream ice-cream for us to share and then we walk out cuz Karol and Eric are outside waiting for us. As soon as they see the ice cream everyone like attacks it. it was like 3 ppl sharing 2 spoons and a small cup of ice cream. Adrian is like all licking his spoon and Karol has mine so I end up sharing one with Adrian wich is okay I guess. Anyway after we eat all the ice cream (wich Adrain hogs) we get on the 88. Adrian and Karol start doing the whole SNL thing in wich there are two spanish chicks who are always like "Oh my gawd. Why it had happeneded to me for. and I justed got my nails done..." wich was funny and then Adrian who is leaning in really close to me like puts his head on my shoulder for a while. When he gets off of me we starttalking about the way Karol and Adrian dress. Adrians all like "Karol... if you want to pull off the whole J-Lo thing... you actually have to have an ass" and Karols like "what are you talking about mr. I think im hot cuz I wear ambercrombie and fitch. Look at ur own ass... its smaller than mine." then Adrain turns to me and is like "Jenise, pinch my ass... come on... you know you want to... just pinch it... and then ull see i have an ass... (im like no thanx...) You're giving up an opportunity to touch my ass? whats wrong with you!"... then i get tired so i rest my head on his shoulder and stuff for a while and i think i fell asleep for a bit. anyway when I get up hes talking to Karol and erics all alone so I start talking to him. Me and Eric eventually start talking about the "obsession" as some like to call it that I have with Adrian. Im saying all this stuff but I never say a name so Adrain doesnt kno who i'm talking about anyway (at least thats wat i figure) and he's deep in conversation with Karol. Eric thinks that Adrian is gay and he's like "Jen ask him if hes ever had a girlfriend... he doesnt like girls... hes gay." and i start saying hes not gay and he flirts with all these girls (especially Karol... but everyone flirts with her) and i say he's deep in conversation and stuff and this is when Adrian turns around and says "I'm deep in convesation?" and I'm think to myself... ahhh... and I ask him how much of my conversation he heard and he said just about everything. I wanted to die... but I played it off instead saying "what are you talking about? I wasnt talking about u" etc etc. And he just looks at me with his stupidly gorgeouse green/hazel eyes and then we get to the mall so we all get off the bus. Adrian kisses me and Karol on the cheek (but doesnt say anything 2 Eric cuz he doesnt like him) and gets on his train while me and eric and Karol go to the mall so we can act retarded and try on hats and stuff. Thats pretty much all the important stuff and oh yeah... Adrians never had a girlfriend or has even ever kissed wich seems appaling to most people but I think its so cute. Anyway thats it for now. Nicole and Anthony are coming over tommorrow to work on our project for Dance so i better go clean my room. laters and much love <333

OMG!!!!
I'm going to see good charlotte live with Laura!!! yay!! Im soooo happy. And Steff and Nick and erica and all these other ppl are gonne be there too!!!
YAY!!

feeling better
I'm feeling much better today. I mean in thebegining half of the day I felt like crap... But towards the end I felt a little better. Much thanx to Rob for making me laugh and Chris for tickling/hugging me. Adrian kissed me on the cheek again today... we took the bus home together. But like before, it was a friendship thing. This time the conversation was mostly about Dawson's Creek and such and about his eyes (don't ask... long story). It was kool though. Then after wwe parted ways and I went on to bus 2 while he went on the train I met Erica's friend Nick. Basically he sat next to me on the bus (it was crowded) and he had a guitar so I asked "Oh you play guitar?" and he ws like "yeah I'm learning" Then I put on my GC CD and I'll just type the conversation:
Nick (taps shoulder) Oh wow you like GC???
me: Yeah I love them!! Im gonna see em in concert in november!
Nick: Me too!!!
me: So do you like simple plan?
Nick: yeah! they rock!! you like sugar cult or NFG?
me: Omg yeah i love them!
(more music talk)
me: so what school do you go to?
Nick: Molloy
me: omg do you know Erica Miranda???
Nick: Yeah!! She's like my best friend!!
me: Are you serious? She's my cousin!!
Nick: Omg!! whats your name?
Me: Jenise and u?
Nick: Nick
both of us at the same time : Oh so you're that kid!!
Omg Omg blah blah *laugh* blah blah blah

Turns out he lives right by me wich is so kool. :-)
It really made my day consideri8ng most of it until then sucked majorly. I like was practically crying it was so bad but Im happy now. yay. :-)

I feel so un-loved

I freaking cried over him and he doesnt even seem like he cares. Theres some girl named Jenniffer on his profile and someone signed his guestbook talking about her. and Yes.. I know... I'm a jelouse freak. But Gosh... doesn't he even care?

Crap
I think Matt likes some girl. Crappola. I'm like all heart broken over him and it seriously seems like he doesn't even care. And it hurts.

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Yes Yes... "foul language"... really,,, I'm a good girl. I just have this unhealthy obsession with NFG... Anyway it's sort of late and I'm tired because I've been studying since I got home from school for an English and Geometry test, but I'm not done downloading the song I need for dance tommorrow. Thus I am here writing in my blog. Laura (pyro/snoopy... whatever) lefted me during lunch so I was all alone.:-(. On the way to my locker after french class Chris came up behind me and started tickling me causing me to fal on top of some senior in the hallway... It was very very very embarassing but still pretty funny. hmm... what else did I do today? School was boring as usual. My dad picked me up from school wich is why nothing interesting happened on the bus adventures of Rob and I. My dad didn't come till after 3:30 so I just hung out with Katy, Bridgette and Victor for a while. Victor is funny lol... Katy was like harrassing him (as she does with everyone) and he kept on like backing away slowly. It was kool... lol Well then Victor and Bridget left leaving me and Katy alone. We talked about stuff and it turns out we have alot in common. Oh yeah... Bridgette AND my dad think I flirt with Alex. Which I don't. This morning i was sitting on the floor with Bridgette by Rob''s locker wich is also pretty close to Alex and we just started talking.... about his superman sweatshirt,.... oooo flirting indeed... not.then he poked me. As he usually doese. I started the whole poking thing last year when I was more insane. And then after school when I was going outside I saw Alex and went to poke him and he like caught my hand and started tickling me and poking me and stuff. Then when I like blocked him hands and like did that stupid giggle/scream thing most girls do he started making fun of me... I WILL have the last laugh... mwuahahahaha.... So i got into my car after the whole poking session and my dad's like "do you like him?" and I was like "Dad....???" and that was it. hmmm... what else do I have to say. In performance art we're doing this commercial project and me, Steffie, Diana, and some other girl are in the same group. We decided to do the Kit-Kat/Twix challenge... sort of a paradoy of the pepsi coke challenge. We're still writing the script but basically there are two kit-kat girls (we endorse kit-kat) and Steffie is the one Twix girl. When she takes the challenge and chooses Twix over Kit-kat i get to yell at her and kick her off my show... lol... it's fun being the spokes person.Then in dance we have to choreograph a dance that has to do witha sport. I'm in a group with my friend Nicole and some other guy I don't know and we're doing swimming. We've only got the begining done but it's pretty good so far... we want to do it to a GC song wich is why I'm still online downloading crap at 11:30 when I should probably be sleeping so I can do well on my test. Blech. Tommorrow I have all the classes I hate... Oh joy... no really... I'm friggin extatic. Anyway I'm starting to make less sense than I usually do so I might as well go. Goodnite my litte blog. much love <3333

I hate school
No really, I do. Today I took PSATs... nuff said. I'm not the smart type. I'm smart about some things. Like i grasp things easily and stuff and It's easy for me to understand things... but as far as test-taking and memorization... I suck. I'm failing classes... I, Jen, The One everyone thinks is smart... is failing. Blah. I really have to work my butt off for the rest of the quater just to PASS. Soon I am going to be friend-less and misrable. Blah. I'm having such a hard time keeping up in my classes. It's like being sick and then my stupid family are all having an affect on me. I could tell my teachers and get excused but I rather fail than tell the entire world my problems. Which makes no sense because I'm writing in a blog wich over a thousand people have visited and only like 4 of my friends even read this. But you know what I mean... I don't want people I have to face everyday thinking I'm Manically depressed. I don't mind if my close friends know whats going on i.e. Jessie, Jordan, Rob, and Laura knowing because I trust them and theyre the few people who actually care about me. But I dont want my english teacher to know my life story including deaths and sicknesses and home life and crap. I just couldn't deal with it. Everyone sees me as some outgoing and funny and whimsically sarcastic and kind of insane. But I see me as just an insecure at times teenage girl who's having a rough time with this whole highschool life thing. In other words, when I look into the mirror I don't see someone beatutiful or imaginative or wonderful. I see all the negative things about myself. The way that I just can't seem to make my dad proud of me. The way that no matter what I do... it just isn't enough. I see a girl who tries so hard and just can't seem to accomplish her goals. I don't know. I mean I know I have good aspects. I know I'm creative and unique and fun to be around. I know I can make people laugh easily and that I'm good at making friends. But when I look at myself, that's not what I see. And I'm not even sure if anyone really cares. And for some strange reason, I think that's what bothers me most.

:-)

nite my stupid little blog

Blah
I can't get my archives to work. I guess I'll ask Rob to help me later. Anyway... lets see whats new? I'm going to a Good Charlotte concert. Only 15 bucks. Yay. My cynisism is soon to retur n though. I think me and Matt might be ending whatever it is that we had. Maybe... I don't really want to talk about it because believe it or not people, It hurts. Yes, I, Jenise, soon to be ruler of the earth, have feelings. anyway last nite me, Shay, Devina, Kirk, Justin, Richie, Jovian, Amira, Mellissa, Bea, Atoya, and Talisa slept over at SHOBC wich was fun... sort of. I felt a bit out of place as I normally do when hanging out with them but over all... it was good. We pretty much just joked around all nite. Took the van over to Kirk's house, ate his food, came back, and joked around some more. It was pretty kool. Tommorrow I take PSATs... oh the joy I phathom. I also officially hate my dad. There's a sign on my bedroom door that says "Go away. I hate you." And yes it's very mean of me... but whatever. We'll get past it. Its just the normal rebellious teenager against spiteful parent deal. Hopefully Pyro will attack me tommorrow morning in the hall... I'd even be happy to see Chris. I just feel so... blah. I cut my knee shaving my legs. damned razor. It really hurts too. :-( well I guess I better go get some shut eye. Much love <3333

Everwood
Perhaps my favorite TV show (other than Gilmore girls and Smallville of course). I don't feel quite so bad.

I feel bad
really bad...
I think im ending things with Matt. and do u know why? because im a retard. We're still discussing this and hopefully... it isn't over. You have no idea how muc ilove this kid. I dont even think HE has any idea. blah. i want to cry.

Grrrrr...

i was just saving a stupid lab report for my biology class wich took me three freaking hours to do and my stupid gay pc decides 2 freeze. and now I have lost everything i worked so hard on. I am MAD.

Find out Which Invader Zim Character you are @ Space Monkey Mafia dot com

But I loveded you my piggie!!! I loveded u!!

Note to Jordan

Your my best friend and ill never stop loving/caring about you. Never. Jordan, I'm serious. I'll love you to the day I die... I'll never stop. I know there are hard times but it'll get better I promise. You're my forever friend. much love <33

Blah
Where to start?
The life of a teenage freak isn't exactly what you'd define as easy. There's all this pressure to be someone your not and all the weird feelings you have about things. Whoever started the whole "highschool was the best 4 years of my life" thing was obviously lying. Highschool sucks. You can't do anything. I supposse my lack of a social life doesn't help the matter. Last year it was so easy for me to make friends and keep the ones I had from the year before. I was so outgoing, insane, and fun... as far as I'm told. And this year it's like I hate most of the human population. I don't really have many friends or anything. I mean I Know alot of people... many aquaintances. But I'm kind of low on people I actually like hanging out with or even talk to out school. Basically there's just Laura, Timmy, Jordan, Rob, and Marielle. Most of wich aren't friends with one another.Laura, Rob, and Marielle pretty much know eachother. Timmy and Jordan don't know anyone. Then theres this whole confusing mess with Adrian... I don't even know. I saw him flirting with this girl on friday when we were walking to Hagen daz and it looked like he was flirting alot... and then we come out and he's like "I'm not in flirt-mode today. that was about 8% of how I usually am...blah blah blah". and then Matt... Who is absolutely amazing midn you. But lives on the other side of the universe. I don't know... I'm all confused and stuff... blah.

Change
I belive change is a good thing, and lately, there's been alot of change going on. I have now stopped beating up my little sister... we're actually friends... sort of. I changed the template on this site. I adopted a sea monkey named Bob. And today, I cute my hair. SHORT. I wanted to cry when I saw how short it was. Right now it's chin-length and before it was down to my shoulders. Blah. No one (other than Matt of course) interesting is online so I think I might go read or something. My sister bought me a book... It's called Tuck everlasting... yes yes... like the movie... and it's pretty good so far. I also have to call Jordan and Timmy to see what's up with them... well I guess I'll go now. much love <33

talking to emo boy
I've missed matt... i still do...
: sigh :
Why must he live across the universe?

Okay...
Now that my new template is all set up and not screwed up i can talk. Adrian is very very kool. And he really does look nice in the rain... i mean he looks nice ALL the time... but niceer in the rain. with all the little water droplets on his face and little streams of water on his face and on his nose. And his hair looked really good in the rain... like it was still sort of spiked in the front but the way like it was wet made it look nicer. And gosh I must sound like im obsessing. Well... I'm not because he's Adrian... and I'm me... and thats about all there is to it... oh well....

see... this is why i dont mess with html...

please work... PLEASE!!!

yeah i know... another test....

Test test test....

Weee!!!
Me gotsa new template!!! I'm testing it out cuz after Jessie helped me with the html i had to tweak it a bit so I'm hoping it works so yeah... this is a TEST...

Im serious
You're wrong...

and
Just so u know... ur wrong..

yeah i know what ur thinking...

but he really did look nice ....
really he did... even if i dont like him.... no sense in denying the truth... yeah...

and....
And.... he looks sooo good wet... we were walking in teh rain and there were these littel water droplets on his face and blech... why am i saying this? I think Im going crazy... blah.

Adrian kissed me on the cheek today... it was a friendship thing but as laura says... im still on cloud nine
and i dont know why.

blech
Okay I was REALLY pissed off but now I'm not because I just talked with Timmy and as usual he cheered me up and made me laugh and all that good stuff that friends do.

emo boy
why is he so prefect?

Talking to Matt
we need to talk.... im notgoing to say about what here because it isnt kool... but we have to talk... and it isnt a good kind of talk... and i miss him soo much.. and blech.

How much do you hate school?
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which eye are you?
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!!!!!!!!!Do U need a straight jacket?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"what" are you?
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Blech

I think I'm starting to like ...never mind...

dun dun dun

Did a few minor html changes but I still can't figure out how to make my archives look better. I just moved some stuff around and changed some wording. Nothing really noticable.... Anyway I'm supposedly doing English homework and so I must go. Much love <333

just one more test... thats it... i promise

Just a test with HTML

Sick... again

Laura... just so you know... I TRIED to go to school. My dad was driving me and all of a sudden I got a really bad headache... and I'm talking the king of migranes... the kind of headache that keeps u from opening ur eyes... and he stopped the car, turned around, and started driving back home. Blech. I just want to get better... Today's perhaps the ONE day that I'd get to see Adrian on the bus because he and Marielle kidnap me on wensdays and drag me to phillipino club so everyone can stare and the spanish chick who looks lost. I wanted to call Timmy but I didn't have enough minutes on my phone card. Blah. There is a junior who goes to my school... I don't know his name because I've never talked to him so I just refer to him as skater boy because he's always carrying around a skateboard. He's sooooo pretty... My gosh... it should be illegal to be that hot. Theres also a guy in my dance class who's really hot. He's a senior but I think he might be gay... :-( and not because he takes dance... because i think he's just into guys. Anyway... The Juliana Theory is a really great band I'm currently very into. Go download one of their songs... now dammit... Anyway I guess I'll go now. Goodbye my littel blog. Much love <333

I have a fear... a great fear

I'm deathly afraid that one day my overactive imagination is going to get me into serious trouble. On a brighter note, I took the bus home with Eric today because Rob was at War club. LAURA TALKED TO JOSH!!! AHHH!! HE SHOOK HER HAND!!!! AHHH!!! SHE ACTUALLY TALKED TO HIM!!! Of course, steffie did most of the talking but I'm so happy. I wish I was on the bus with her after school so I could have seen. Ah.... lol. its happy. happy happy happy. Rob also has like a trillion and one girls all over him because of his whole film-making thing. I think I shoudl up the bet to $10 because it looks like Im going to win. As for me... I don't even know what me and Matt have if we have anything... I miss him alot... ALOT alot... but there's not much going on. In fact theres nothing going on. Basically its a conversation consisting of "I miss you"'s and such wish lasts about 5 minutes before one of us leaves. I saw Adrian twice in the halls today wich was good. He's so cool. Chris was in a bad mood the morning and wouldn't even talk to me. I didn't even do anything. He has these mood swings and one day he's so cool to hang with and so funny and then the next day he hates the world including all innocent bystanders. Anyway I'm having alot of trouble in my classes this year. blech. I don't think I'll get on honors for 1st quarter.

English- HORRIBLE
Religion- avg.=98
Bio- perhaps my best class... in the high 90's
Geometry- eh...
French- so-so
gym (basket ball)- good
art- GOOD
dance- GOOD
Global- pretty good

blech. It's late so I will go now my little blog. Much love for ever and ever <333

Which Overrated Band Are You?

Take the quiz at [clinically insane]
Which High School Label Do You Fit?

Before this whole Avril shit, people thought you were weird and stupid for dressing the way you did.

Take the test at [clinically insane]

Oh my God

I have over a thousand vistors to this site. 1,086 at the moment. Gee... so my thoughts don't go completely unnoticed. That makes me relatively extatic. =) I must think of a nickname for all you people who take interest in my blog. I'd call you my beetles but it's taken.... Not to fear! I shall think of something. Goodbye for now my dear blog. Much love for ever and ever <333

Another fight with Dad

Oh yes... the joys of being a teenage freak. This fight wasnt as bad as usual... justhim going on and on about some phone call or something and why I'm screwed up. Whatever. Anyway today wasn't that bad except for the feeling sick thing. I went to the doctor after school and I'm going back on thursday. I hate being sick... I feel like there's something terribly wrong with me because I never get better no matter what medication they give me. Blah. Laura tackled me in halls once again today wich was relatively fun. I also got hugged by many people including Karol, Chris, Eric, And Marielle. Chris has just found out that I am tickelish and where it is that I'm ticklish (wich I refuse to say because it will only be used against me) and everytime I saw him today (wich was a million and one times) he started to tickle me. I sat outside with Marielle and her group of friends and Laura(sugar buns) during lunch. She has given me the nickname "Jeni poo". My classes were pretty boring and I had a TON of homework. I still have to finish English and study for my bio test. English is basically just 5 chapters of notes on Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets wich I've already read so I don't think it's be too hard. French I'll do in the morning and since I pay attention in bio I think I'll do well. I'll finish my global homework on the bus ride or during French class or something. It shouldnt be too hard. I also have to take a make-up quiz for french in the a.m. Fun Fun Fun... not. I haven't seen Adrian since wensday so I hope that maybe I'll run into him tommorrow. Blech. Homework sucks but I supposse I should probably do it. Much love my dear little blog. <333

What obscure band are you?


Who are you?

I feel better
No, I didn't go and cry. I looked at this stupid picture Timmy sent me. He took a sanned picture of me and added a beard and mustache just to be stupid... and he will PAY. But he made me smile and I am happy. I also listened to my new favortie song. It's by Simple Plan and its really good. Anyway I'm going to try and fall asleep and hope that Matt doesnt think im a total freak and doesnt talk to me anymore because I kind of bit his head off for no reason. Well maybe not his head... but AT LEAST his ear. Anyway much love <33

Find out which LifeSaver you are.

Where's Laura? I need a friend...

Blah

I am all PMS-y and emotional and gross. And my stomache hurts and i want to rip off the head of the next person I see just because I feel like crap. And I WAS talking to Matt but he's all busy and doesn't really have time for me anyway. He hasn't had time for me in forever and gee that sounds soo selfish but I don't mean it like that. He's just so busy all the time and I just miss him and when he does finally come online I can't talk to him and I don't know it just sucks. And maybe I'm just being overly-emotional because I'm practically like crying and nothing bad even happened. Blah. I just feel like crap and I had gotten used to not talking to Matt because he's always so busy and now I do sort of have the chance and yet I don't because his new band member or something is over there and theyre practicing or something so yes, I, Jen, Punk rock prom reject is stuck staring longingly at his name because I have no apparent life and the guy I'm infatuated/obsessed/crushing on has no time to talk to me other than the basic 5-minute conversation of "hi.... i miss you... ttyl.." that has occured so many times. I don't know... somethings wrong with me. Blah.

One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Three rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.
One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them,
One ring ti bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

I've gotten through chapter seven of book one and I am happy. All I'm going to say is the book is ALOT different than the movie. For instance, Pippin and Merry are described so differently in the books than in the movie and how they all meet up and stuff is different among MANY other things. If you really want to know, read them yourself. In other news.... Well there is no other news. I didn't do anything today. Obsessed over Joel of GC for a while. read some blogs. watched TV. That's about all. Yeah I know... I lack a social life....

yay
I got my hands ona copy of the Lord of the Rings... A lady who really cares about people... even teenage girls she doesnt even know... sent me a package filled with the books and other goodies. Its REALLY good even though ive only gotten through like half the prologue so far (wich has been percicley 23 1/2 pages)... Anyway I have to see what im going to wear to sara's sweet 16 tommorrow so later. much love <333

Dup Dup Dup dupity duppy dup dup.... DUP!!!

GOOD CHARLOTTES ON TRL!!

Benji and <333 Joel <333 are hosting Trl... I LOVE JOOOOOOOEEEEEL!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah
Before we left me,Katy, and Bridgette were talking about our families. Katy and I come from the disfunctional family's were there is anger and hate and misery while Bridgette comes from one of those perfect families where everyone sits down and eats dinner together. She got mad at me yesterday for something I called her... but i didnt mean it in a bad way. As Katy and other people who grow up in horrible disfunctional families know, I meant it in an endearing way. Anyway she was mad for a while but after mass explanation and apologies on my part (and a little of Katy's too) she forgave me. I just wanted her to know that I didnt mean it ya know? anyway that it. Much love <333

NO SCHOOL TODAY!!!YAY!!!
Today we have no school... A perfect end to spirit week. Anyway yesterday morning I hung out with Laura, Steffie, Chris, the other Chris, and several other people instead of going to the liturgy. Anyway we didn't do too much of anything. Chris started singing that "feelings" song but he kinda did it with a twist. Then like after last period Chris tackled me in the hall way. I met Laura(sugar buns) , Steff, and Laura B. at my locker after school and we went to walbaums and stole candy out of those little candy thingys where you take a bag and fill it with whatever candy you like. And then Laura B. went home and then Steff,Laura,and I went and found Christina and other people and got pizza. For a long time we just sat there. Later on after that I went over to the park and hung out with Katy,Hope, Eric, Bridget, Richard and other people. Richard and Eric and stuff left and so Katy,Hope,Bridget, me and a few other people went and sat in west middle talking and stuff until like 4:30. I was hoping to run into Adrian but no luck there. I don't know why I have such an interest (not romantic or anything... just an INTEREST) in him... he kind of freaks me out but is still really kool. and funny. REALLY funny. We're sort of making plans to go trick or treating on haloween together... an no... as hard as it to believe... i am NOT too old for candy... your never too old for candy. Im thinking Im going to ask Jon if i can borrow his football uniform and then get someone (hopefully Adrian or Jason or something) to be a cheerleader. I think that Adrian might but Jason probably will. Jordan doesnt totally hate me... we're just taking sometime apart... ya know? Anyway this is a pretty long post and its only 10:16 am so I'll write more later. much love <333

doo doo doo
Today was pretty boring. Laura and Rob both had junior lunch so I hung out with Marielle and made a friend hehe. His name is Adrian and I mean I see him around all the time and say "hi" and stuff but I didn't really get to know him until today. We have alot of mutual friends and stuff so I guess it was bound to happen. Uh yeah our hour classes were right by west so we talked a little during then and stuff and then after last period Marielle and him dragged me to Phillipino club wich was really funny because I'm puertorican and then I walked to the 88 stop with Adrian and took the bus home with him. And during the long traffic filled ride we talked about many many things. And he read my palm wich was kool cuz no ones ever read my palm before and he's all into like astrology and that type of thing. He's pretty kool for someone who freaks me out. Like he has this thing with his clothes... I dont know I can't explain it but he's still kool. A little insane... but kool. During lunch I was also forced to be in pictures ick... with Chris and Marielle and Eric and everyone. Theres this guy in my school that I like to refer to as the box car racer dude and he like offered me tickets for like $20 and he's like always following me. Its scary man... everytime I turn around he's just THERE. And Steffie told him where my locker was. Blech. Now I will never ever escape. Performing arts was SO much fun today!! lol.. we did this improv and it was like first we had to do it in regular motion and then we had to do it in slow motion and it was so much fun and everyone was like laughing and in the one I did I was an old lady in an express line and theres a buisness woman who like shoves me with her butt and then Ryan is a juvenile delinquent who like jumps on the buisness woman and makes her fall backward and it was so much fun doing it in slow motion lol. Anyway I better go to bed... I'm meeting Laura at 8:30 at 7-11 so bye bye for now. much love <333

Rob loves me too... and so does Laura
I still feel like crap and wanna cry my eyes out but im not going to. because im stronger than that. And because I have Bob, my sea monkey. And because i know everything will work out and even if Jordan hates me if we were really best friends we'll get pass this.

blech
Time goes by very slowly when you best friend doesnt want to talk to you and unplugs the phones to avoid the horrible sound of my yelling voice. Matt doesnt even answer me anymore when I try talking(online) to him and then he claims to love me. Maybe he's busy, or maybe he's sick of me too. I am in like this crying mood and I feel like my entire world is falling apart and I feel so alone. I need ice cream... or chocolate... or ice cream AND chocolate. And I remember when my thoughts used to be interesting and now it's just depressing and I dont even know. I just feel so weak. And empty. And my hopes of freelance writing are slowly deteriorating before my eyes. And I don't know but my best friend hates me and he has every right too because i was such a jerk and u can go ahead and read his blog because I dont feel like typing the whole story but I feel so bad and alone and blah. I cant even write anymore. I'm going to go sit in a corner by myself and cry now. bye.

Meet Bob my adopted Sea-Monkey!

At least Bob loves me.

Guess what?
My best friend hates me. I'm a jerk. I'm some freak who gets sick all the time. And my dad thinks I'm a disgrace. So yeah. Life is just friggin DANDY.