ps... he is the best kiss I have ever had.

*sigh*

saturday- pizza and pool and arcade games with Angie, Jan, Ralph, Kimmy, Steven G., and Eri. Daniel, Monica, and little Erica were no shows, but we had fun anyway. Yesterday I went to Paula's which was uber fun... cept I had to dress all normal and "latina", or in Matt's words- all "crossing the rio grande" looking. It kinda freaked ch-emo and jo jo out though.

Danced in the rain today, which has furthered my dying of mono. My dad, the nurse, and Jon are all convinced I do not have mono, but I know better.

Ben and Marielle were sooo cute saturday, cept I think Mia and me and Rich are the only ones who think so.

I think I'm gonna go dance some more... asta! <33

Another wonderful Pyro quote:
"Printers are like ungrateful children. They bitch when they don't have enough paper and never say thank you when you feed them."

Boy do I love her.

I went to the Disinotapalooza friday with Jon, the Jew (Ben), Rich (Jesus), Marrielle, Jun, Brig, Romsie, and Mia.... which was fun. Nicky's band was great and I didn't pay much attention to the rest of the bands except second to last who played some old metallica songs and had an amazing guitarist. Emil's band murdered "My Konstantine" by Something corporate... I swear I almost cried. I got home at like 2:00am.

And now a Marielle quote:
"please just dont play with me, my paper heart will bleed...<3"

I'm at my cousin Paula's house so farewell now!

And now, a comment for Larrie-poo the pyromaniac:

All this snogging Jon during free has seriously reduced your blogging updates.

I'm choosing to ignore that.

You know what I miss? I miss being a kid and having 10 week summers that lasted forever, yet still ended too soon. I miss being excited over gasoline rainbows in puddles. I miss dancing in the rain and having adventures. I miss water-gun fights. I miss not ever worrying. Bleh. Nostalgia.

Me: "Deceit!!"
Jon: "Okay I've gotta go home now... you're the deceitful one"
*weird looks/name calling*
Jon: *kiss*
Me: "I hate you."
Jon: "how nice."
Me: *kiss*

W00t!

In school. Bored. Apparently I'm suppossed to "talk" with Jon... dunno what about.

Missing Matt loads. Missing Tim even more.

I'm not moving out... As bad as it is, Ozone park is my home. It's where I first learned how to ride a bike, where I got my first kiss, where I made my first friends. Won't think about my dad... not worth getting into it, but moving in with my aunt means giving my whole life and everything i know up. I don't know. I'm confused. Asta.




Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years
Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky
Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it
Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time
And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine
Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
a chance, before you get aSometimes I wish that it would rain here
And wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes
There's nothing real for them to see here
Another starry night in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get chance to feel it

Okay, so this weekend has been surprisingly good. Wensday I danced in the rain barefoot in a poofy dress in the middle of Fresh meadows, NY; Adam carried me down a mountain (okay, a very large hill) like a princess, and I scored 3 points while playing pool. Friday I went to Manavia with Brig, Roma, Canoli, and squirrel face... Nicks band was awesome and Emil's was just fun. Saturday I went to see wrestling with Loptard. Not really my thing, but it was fun to hang out with Jen and Peter and Loptard and everyone. Hung out later that night with Spiderman (other Mike), Dennis, Loptard, and JoJo... which was... well... interesting. Spiderman asked for my number so I wrote him a novel. My new nickname appointed by Loptard because there are too many Jens is "AKA". Sunday I went to go see Downpore and Ismada and a bunch of other really great bands with Brig, Roma, and Loptard... fun stuff. The bass player in one of the bands sang to me, I'm now on the Ismada website, and I met a really cool guy named Richard. W00t.

Jon fascinates me. I'm not quite sure how or why, but he does. I like how he confuses me. I like how he drives me crazy. I like how I have impulses to hit him everytime I see him in the hall. I like how I can't tell if he's interested or just being flirty. I like how he doesn't get all weird around me. I like how he's absolutely insane. I like his big ears. I like how he makes me all nervous and giddy. I like how I'm going to see him in summer school. I like how theres something more to him... how theres something more behind those big, stupid eyes of his. I like how he kissed my cheek yesterday. I like the confusion. I like the challenge.... weird, huh?

School- bad
home- worse
fellowship- meh
Dannie- argh
other friends- alright

Snoopy's sick. He kinda threw up on my bed. I wanted to kill him and hug him at the same time.

Saw Dennis/Kenny/Jessie yesterday. 'Twas not so weird.

Anyway I've got cor now, adios.

So our open wounds will bleed
Until our veins run dry
Now we have to take this thorne
And tear it from our side
Agitated at the fault line
Still agreed to disagree
Your connected to the heart
But tonight we'll set you free

So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again

Even now as i write this down
All pretensions disappear
Now our impulses will bite
At the ankles of our fear

Words are spoken
Words are broken down
So lets make this night be our best mistake
So lets take the time to wipe the blood away
Now our hands are tied
And our world is caving in
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
So we pray for night
To start over again
Now our hands are tied
And the problems lie within
Words are spoken
Words are broken
Broken Down

Josh Cagan is the light of my life. He inspires me to be a writer. A mad, phsyco, interesting writer. He makes me want to make my life an adventure. And best of all he's absolutely insane. Trying not to focus on all the crap going on. I'm working on my book again... excelleeeeeeeent. It's kinda what me and pyro planned... but with a twist and much more fictional due to the fact that the life I once lived is no longer the one I am currently inhabiting. I hate how I've turned this blog into daily rantings about my week. It's gotten to the point where I even annoy myself. Bleh.

Eddie and my friendship is highly amusing. I lover him so much.

Anyway... luuuuuunch...

Stop pretending. Everyone just stop pretending. I hate it. It envokes deathly rage at me. I won't be mad I promise... just stop.

Dad doesn't want me. Aunt doesn't want me. Half the time I don't even want me. I'm so sick of this. So sick. So stop.

Saturday was my night. MY night. Not his. But he had to ruin it. Had to hate me.

Why is that when finially something good happens to me, it has to be ripped away before I even get to feel it. Why doesn't he want me? Why am I not good enough? Why do I question myself and my worth because of him? It doesn't make sense. I hate him for it. I hate you for it. Stop pretending and just leave me alone.

Brig was there. Matt was there. Eddie was there. So was Romsie. Me and Katy were great. Beautiful. I felt like a princess. For once in my life I was loved. Roar.

I hate you.

Waking up from this nightmare, hows your life? whats it like there? Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is? Take you away from that empty apartment, you stay and forget where the heart is. Someday, If ever you'd love me you'd say it's okay. Its okay to be angry and never let go, it only gets harder the more that you know...

Life is a nightmare.

Hate school.

Jon's got big ears.

Mall later with Brig, Matt, Katy, and Eddie.

Bleh... school sucks.

So I'm stealing a rather nostalgic quiz from Brig's blog for todays post..


Put things in BOLD that bring back memories to you.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Eureka's Castle
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All
The Torklesons
Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger
Angry Beavers
Hey Arnold!
AAH! Real Monsters
Tiny Toons
Animaniacs
Pinky and the Brain
The Babysitter's Club
Underdog
Kablam!
Gullah Gullah Island
Richard Scarry
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears
A Little Princess
My Little Pony
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cooties
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Sky Dancers(!!!OMG! lol)
Polly Pocket
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants
Jellies
Saddle Shoes
Barbies
Beanie Babies
Tamagotchies
Yo-Yos
Duncans
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs
Goosebumps
Magic Attic Club
American Girl
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Tuck Everlasting (awww....)
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC( ! HOLLER<3)
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World
Clueless
Mork and Mindy
Simpsons
Flipper
Eerie Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (<333!! omg how I luvded him. I had a poster of him on my wall from age 10 to age 14. no kidding. I only took it down cuz my cat ripped it lol. I still think he's hot. just kinda short. okie I'll shut up now)
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson (haha my friend Yitian loved them in the 6th grade.. maybe she still does...)
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers (the ORIGINAL)
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven
Lower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School (LOL 2nd grade reading list)
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact
Catdog (okie I added this one myself... COME ON it's catdog, I loved that show. even if it was kinda wierd.)

Oh god. Dennis was not Dennis to me that night. He was Tim. Crap. I'm an idiot.

Jon cant come to my show... neither can Danny... Neither can Nicky... must kill....

Booga Booga

So it's been a while... I've been very busy with school and such... the art show is coming up. Mucho stress in school and at home. Timmy's "worried" about me... I appreciate how he cares... but I dunno, he doesn't understand. Broke down crying in the middle of West middle and though things still suck, I've got Brig and Matt and Christina D. and Katy and Amanda and Larrie and Ed... so yeah.

There's this place off of Ocean avenue...

Met the koolest kid at Yellow Rat Bastard.

Jon still acting crazy, but normal crazy. Not bad crazy.

Adios and come see me saturday!!

okay so its been a while. Much to say.

Friday's concert was absolutely amazing. I mean they were just soooooo good. Katy, Josh (Duckie), Jon (also known as "Yanni"), Chris, Romsie, and Nicky were great. All ma boys looked so handsome in their ties and dress shirts and my girls were in all black and everyone just looked so good. Im very proud of everyone.

Saturday I sat on my fat ass all day and did nothing (I think).

Sunday, Same. Later on I hung out with Jessie, Jo-Jo, and Dennis. Jess and her bro left and like 9 and I hung out with Dennis until late.

Monday, Hung out with Dennis and Jess again, this time at my house. Jess had to leave at like 9, but dennis stayed till around 10 or so. And guess what the idiot did. He kissed me. Also not sure how I feel about that. It was nice... but I have a feeling things are gonna get weird now.

Yesterday, cut H to hang out with Jon and June (?) and then slept through half my classes. Lunch was alright... half the time with the boys, half out doors. Spent double last free and senior lunch doing homework and going to the park with Marielle, Eddie, and Katy to watch (make fun of/stalk) Jon and June and they played baseball. After school, kicked Jon for being mean to Matt B., then went to Holy Cow park again with Brig, Marielle, Nicole, Matt, Karen, Katy, June, and Eddie. Stayed there for a while. When I got home I ran into Jess coming out of school and we ran over to Adam's park so she could yell at Dennis and say hi to the Adams people and then he looked at me weirdly and then we went to her house and then home again. And I fell asleep.

Woke up "sick" this morning. Needed a break from the Jerks of the world. Bleh. Going to Jessies now... so Asta.

<33

ps... Jon still thinks Im crazy... but at least hes not weirder than usual.