Spin around me like a dream

Okay so I just watched What a girl wants for the second consecutive time and have come to a vast yet important conclusion...

Okay so I spend all this time, all these tears, on trying to fit in. To be what my dad wants me to be. I can never seem to live up to his standards. I'm not smart enough or pretty enough or girly enough, I'm too loud, too sarcastic... too bold. It's like no matter what I do, it's just never enough. And then as I was dialing Laura's numero on the tele, it hit me. I'm the way I am, because that is just who I am. Okay, so it might not seem to make sense, but hear me out. ALl tehse years I've tried so hard to just fit in, to be what everyone else but myself wants me to be. And I just don't know why I try so hard to fit in, when it's so obvious that I was born to stand out. I'm not "punk" or "preppy" or anything like that. I'm just Jen. No not even just Jen. I'm Jenise-Marie. And I'm proud of it, dammit. Sure, I may not be the prettiest or the smartest, I may not have the brightest smile. But I'm me. I'm Jen. I'm loud, and sarcastic, and I have a wicked sense of humour. I'm friendly and I care more about other people than I do about myself. I tend to be a little self consious at times, and despite the baggy pipe jeans and the vintage t-shirts, I love getting dressed up and playing with make up and being a girl. I live for the X-games and I can almost do a kickflip on my skateboard. I'm a talented writer and artist, and I see things differently than others do... and I LIKE it. I like rock and emo and... yes you're hearing me admit it... Hanson. I think Taylor is sexy. I like rugged, built men (think Jesse James) as well as the dorky rocker kid (Think All american rejects). I religously watch That 70's Show and admit to having slightly naughty dreams involving Hyde. I have a thing for green shoes and orange flowers. I was in love once in my life and even though now I'm bitter and angsty about falling in love again, I can admit that it was the best time of my life. I used to have a crush on my best friend until i realized that he... well, was my best friend. Even though I constantly make fun of Josh, I do think he's cute and quite a catch to all those he has a thing for. Even with his slightly duck like features. Jessica, who I've known all my life, thinks shes a wolf, and though it slightly freaks me out, I love her more than anything. I think Laura is beautiful, and Roma is exotic, and Kayla is just so full of lif e that it's contagious. Rich occaisonally pisses me off, but I know that when it comes to the important things, he's always there. I see alot of myself in my sister's friend Kathy, and I spend as much time with her as possible. I love kids and I love to dance. I like Nsync, and for 3 years of my life, I was obsessed with Lance bass. I think guys who play the sax are sexy. Ska makes me wanna dance. I love 80's songs. I think that Johnny Depp has the sexiest accent. The song "My Konstantine" by Something Corporate makes me cry and "August in Bethany" by The Juliana Theory reminds me of a love I never had. I think out of all trhe guys in the fellowship, Ed would make the best boyfriend and the best friend because when his arms are around you he makes you feel safe. I think that Tim looks like Jack Osbourne and he has cool hair. I hope Rob marries Laura just so I can tell my kids that I can predict the future. Laura is my best friend in the world and although we're completely and totally different, we're almost Identical at times. I love my sister and we wrestle constantly. I miss Scott more than anything and I cry when I here the song "When I'm gone" by three doors down because I miss him so much. I dream of designing my future bathroom and I can think up music videos in my head for songs I like. I'm loud and obnoxious and vaguely mean but I love the way I am. God is my rock aznd although I scfrew up all of the time I know he's there. I don't remember my mom but I'm sure she was great. My aunts are both gay but I love them so much and I hate when people down talk people with AIDS like they don't have feelings too. I miss my cousin Noel and am obsessed with pizza hut. I tend to tackle people in the hall and I've actually heard kids at prep refer to my group of friends as "The Fellowship" and we're more popular than you might think. I know several people who claim to want to beat me up but haven't attempted to do so yet. I would have rather voted pickle than Deitz. And my favorite movie is a cross between beauty and the beast and Anastasia. I remind my aunt and Chris of the girl from My First Mister and I love getting things on my body pierced. Whi[pped cream is fun and theres nothing to help you get over a broken heart like chocolate and ice cream, as well as your best friends. I am not in love with Matt because I barely know him and he won't let me know him so I doubt I will be any time soon, at least I don't think I am... or maybe I'm just afriad to be. Anyway, I personally think Rob is insanely attractive and I've seen him naked as a baby. He looks exactly the same. Steve is the most fun to wrestle with and I quite frankly enjoyed when Laura/Eric licked the whipped cream off my arm. I intend to write for the rest of my life and make money doing so. I dream of having a date in an orange tux, and I would not be embarrassed to take my cousin to prom. I think Jean Carlos is a pompous jerk and the Harry Potter look alike (George?) Should pull his lip over his head and swallow it. I think hippies are cool minus the drugs and am very content with my body and my sexuality. I like sleeping in my underwear and a tank top as well as dancing around in my underwear to "Punk rock princess" by Something corporate.

My name is Jen and I'm loud and sarcastic, and I love being me.

The swirling vortex of death!!!

I just saw finding nemo which was like the best movie, touching really, me and roma are here at Rob's house, he leaves 2morrow on vacation... hopefully steve will show. His keyboard is really weird... Anyway Steves home!!!yay!! I am sososooooo happy, I missed him much. Anyway I'm gonna shutup now. bye. <33

We both know what it's like being alone

Got an email from pyro which has made me think and now im rather depressed. I love that song. I saw From Hell with Johnny Depp which cheered me up a bit, but then I started thinking again and we all know that that can only lead to bad things. Eri left for her dad's this morning and my dad's picking me up from Angie's around 6 so I'm enjoying writing in my bloggie while I can. I downloaded some songs by dead poetic, great band by the way, so maybe I'll burn a cd and take it home with me. Matt is an idiot. He didn't do anything wrong or on purpose or anything... meh I don't feel like talking about this now. It's all so personal... and I've never really encountered anything I couldn't write about in here. I like cried myself to sleep last nite... I don't even know why. Nothing bad happened or anything, I'm just feeling really emotional. Daniel keeps brining up Steve and it gets so freaking annoying and Alex forgot we broke up so he started asking all these questions and Daniel just won't shutup and it's not like I'm not over him or anything or that I want us to get back together, but it's not something I particularly enjoy discussing. And I miss my friends and I just want to go home so I can cry and be alone. I just feel so bad.. I don't know why, this week has been fun for a change and stuff and there isn't any explanation for feeling bad.

People are so stupid. Wouldn't it be the hugest challenge to see all the beauty and love in the world rather than dwelling on how awful it is? I wish I could explode. I wonder what everyone would think then. I send Josh paragraph long emails and I get back 2 sentence fragments. I think it's some sort of disorder all guys have because it happens constantly.

"We both know what its like to be alone."

Remember how we were going to name a baby Constance in honor of this song? Instead we prance about in our undies.

"Doesn't she look good standing in her underwear?"

Ya damn right we do!

"When the first star you see may not be a star."

Ok, this is the part that made me cry before. Except I'm ignoring it at the moment to ask if this has anything to do with Planes Mistaken for Stars?

"I always catch the clock.... it's 11:11."


I always catch the clock its 11:11 now you wanna talk... its not hard to dream youll always be my Konstantine... You spin around me like dream that played out on that movie screen, did you know I miss you...

Here's to a giwl who got into my head with all the pretty thangs she did... hey you know, you keep me up in bed...

Here's to dying in anothers arms and why I had to try it, it's to Jimmy eat world and those nights in my car when the first star you've seen may not be a star, I;m not your star. Isn't that what you said. What you thought this song meant...

Okay now I need ice cream. Fellow broken hearters come and join me for movies and rocky road ice cream- you know who you are... Laura, Duckie, Timo... Meh.

People are idiots.

*throws a shoe against the wall*

And we whisper...
Me and Eri are now at angie's and I'm enjoying my last nite of inrternet access (unless I get lucky) and I'm waiting for Matt to hurry up and say something!! That 70's show is over (gotta love Hyde) and I had an alert on for Matt so when I heard the "mooooo" and came over to kick angie off I spilled some milk and then Angie and Eri started teasing and I started flustering and getting nervous like the dork I am and meh. Why do I get like this? Imagine if he were actually around me, I would totally freak and like embarrass myself. Okay, well maybe not... I don't know. Had another dream involving Pyro and Matt and people and a corvette and it was really really good. Bug has gotten so big, I'm gonna miss him when we find him a home even though he gave me really bad allergies. Dave is gonna look at my pc on sunday so hopefully it'll get fixed soon. Hey I actually say "pc" like a dork... I mean computer. I emailed Josh and Matt really long rambling emails and you know what i get back? 2 sentences (sentence fragments I should say) from Duck face and nada from emo boy. Boy do I feel special. Anyway, you'd think I'd have something meaningful to say, but I don't. I updated the "A girl named Jen" part of the site last nite and tweaked the html, but thats about it. Anyway, since I'll be lonely at hime, give me a call everyone. You know the number (718) 845 5657. Much love<33

Never tell someone you love them...

Pirates of the Caribbean!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla


"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Love bites

He said he loved me yesterday. I freaked. Not because I'm afraid or because I hate him or anything... but just because I may just love him back. But do I really want that? Sure, I'm always talking about how great it is and how I undoubtedly enjoy the feeling, but there's alot of pain and drama that goes along with it. And what if I just think I might love him but I have no idea what love even is and all this time I just thought it was love but it really wasn't. What is love anyway? Pyro's response to the question was "what is life", and then again Duckie's was "You know it's love when at one moment apart, you're dying... hey what a second, What the hell do I know about love?"... oh Josh, Josh, Josh... perhaps more than I'll ever know. I cannot follow his advice and wear my love on my sleave... I just cannot. it is impossible. Enough about that though. I've thought about the slightly frustrating (frustrating because I felt like an idiot) all night and it would probably do not to mention all of this confusing stuff in here. Matt brought up a good point though... Part of why I like him so much is because I'm constantly in competition with other girls and stuff and even though he doesn't see it, I do and that's all that really matters at times. And what if love isn't all about planes mistaken for stars? What if my whole definition of it is wrong? Many people don't get the whole phrase, but if you really think about it... you'll understand.

I don't know, I don't feel like emptying my mind of all it's contents right now. In fact I'm in a rather spiteful mood. I'm not quite sure why, but it probably has something to do with the whole raging hormones teenage girl thing. Maybe I'll do some yoga, drink some gatorade.... Anyway until next time, Much love <33.

Asta La Vista


HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MAFU!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ED!!
STEVE IN CASE I DONT TALK TO YOU UNTIL AFTER THE 21ST, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!
I'M IN THE NEWS!!!
AHAHAHA!!!!

and I quote...

"There are also a handful of directories that break the blogosphere down into categories. Portal.Eatonweb.com (www.portal.eatonweb.com), compiled by early blogger Brigitte Eaton, lists 7,875 blogs in 87 categories, the biggest being personal, journal, humor and commentary. You'll find treasures in the smaller categories, such as New Age. Listed there: Herbalist Evo Terra's ASimplerWay.com (www.asimplerway.com) discusses holistic vs. conventional pediatrics, while "my so called life" is a link to the "morbid sense of humor" of a girl named Jenise-Marie about growing up as a New York teenager, such as recent entries about how she's never going to be able to show her dad her report card.""

MUAHAHAHA!! Thank you steve sooo much for finding this. We did some searching and apparently the article appeared in the wall street journal November 18th 2002 and Chris is all like next you've gotta get noticed in the New York times and who knows if people like what they see when they visit my site I might one day get a column!! THATS MY DREAM!!! Dave Barry here I come... muahahahahahahaha!!! Sure it was a vague mention but hey... I was mentioned... in the NEWS!!!! ahahahaha!!!

...Okay on to the news... as many of you know there was a blackout on thursday and of course Ozone Park/Howard Beach were the last towns to get electricity... damned New Yorkers. But it was cool because I got to write by candle light and watch the stars. I keep on having strange dreams... I mean they're good but weird. I apparently got a bit woozy on some wine, my grandpa apparently was bored because there was no television so he set off to work on me... Also I was seen dancing around to micheal Jackson with a towel on my head. So I sat on my roof and watched the stars (I saw a few metiors) and soul searched to no obvious avail, but I'm sure the good stuff will pour in in a few days.

So my computer got this really awful virus and I need to get it fixed. Right now I'm at Ericas where they have (yay!!) computer and internet access. So if I'm not online much, you all know why.

In other news, Beatriz is convinced me and her cousin are soulmates. He's this spanish rocker who lives in puerto rico and speaks "a little" english- translation: he doesn't speak a word of it. Me and my dad got into a gruesome fight and I called my aunt complaining which is how I landed here in Rego Park on a sunday night. Today I taught the kids during spanish service and it was soooo hard.. I mean I could tell they were uber board but the spanish service doesn't really have anything for the kids and God forbid we use the blingual service or sunday school stuff. I didn't dance... 'My Sacrafice' didn't even show up. I talked to Carlos about stuff and I stole his driver's liscence. And that pretty much concludes the day.

Everyones on vacation or will soon be on vacation except for Ritchie so hopefullt we'll hang out. Anyway I'm just so stoked that someone actually knows who I am. And according to steve people link to my site "as if they know me"... and I'm just so happy. I never even knew that what I said really mattered... I meqan maybe it did to me and my friends... but to think there are people I don't even know who read what I have to say is just like... whoa.

Anyway I've been writing for a while so I must be on my way. More to come soon!!

<33

I want to hate you so bad, but I can't stop this anymore than you can...

Okay so warped details like I promised... there were 30 big bands plus 25 or so battle of the bands bands, 5 stages. Anyway who did I see? The starting line was my favorite show, they had like the best line up and the crowd was really feeling it. The Used were good too, a girl fell in the mosh pit and I tripped over her and right when I was about to like hit the ground a guy picked me up and carried me out of the pit and asked it I was okay, anyway the mosh pit was great and the lead singer took his pants off. The suicide machines were also pretty cool... at one point the lead singer was like "Okay either we can make a big circle and slam dance or... we can get some ice cream!! (::points towards an icecream truck::) I dont't think theres so much ice cream in there that I can't pay for it!" And everyone screamed "ice cream" and a bunch of people ran towards it stole all the ice cream and starte dthrowing it into the insanely wild crowd and climbed on top of the truck. When 20 or so kids were up on it the lead singer started talking again: "Okay now everyone go crowd around the truck. Now, you guys up there... yeah you, are gonna dive into the crowd... People do not drop them!! F*cking catch them, don't let them fall!!" And it was just crazy from there. Turns out they broke the truck and stuff. Yellowcard was also really great, they had one of the best line ups. Taking back sunday was awesome, they played some new stuf fthough so it wasn't as great as previous shows... but it was still really good. They had a huge turnout. Less than Jake had a kicking show... it was soososososooo good!! At the end they shot confetti and stuff into the air. I have some (it's goin in Jen's warped scrapbook) and I met a cool guy in the mosh pit. They had like the best stage presence. I missed most of the Ataris' line-up because TBS was signing and I HAD to get their autograph (and I did!! It's on my Tell all your friends CD cover and I have a piccie with them!!, I also met the starting line and a guy from Less than Jake, no autographs from the starting line though cause I got there too late). The All american rejects were also really good... so many people came out to see them, they had a huge turnout. I caught a little of Rancid, I'm not a huge fan but they played really well. There was apretty good small band called kick in the face or something. Hmmm who else did I see??? Dropkick murpheys were sooo awesome!! Glassjaw was pretty good and I caught a few Pennywise songs before Less than Jake too. Thrice was great and I saw my first ever count the stars show and they're one of my favorite bands. Erm I think those are all the bands I saw. I bought two shirts: a really cool green TBS one and an AAR one and sticker set thing. I also got lots of free stuff. And I have lotsa pictures. There was a mud pit and some really cool guys sitting in cardboard boxes and I can't wait to go next year... Oh and a really cute guy tried to hitch hike back with us but there wasn't room. Jeff pointed to me and Loptar while he played and said "This song is for you two". Oh boy was he cute. I mean I'm not gonna do anything about it, for one it's illegal and secondly I'm not interested in him or anything but it was fun and a fairly large ego trip. Of course I would have prefered the ego trip coming from someone else but that doesn't matter.

... Anyway I had the weirest dream involving Josh, Matt, Richie, Roma, Laura, and a corvette... not discussing here though... other than that rich and roma were going out... so cute. Anyway g2g my pc keeps shutting down and i dunno why!!
ahhh!!

Okay so I'm not really suppossed to be on but I've decided to post a recent/mildly-scary picture of myself.. here goes:

This is the same old story of growing up and getting lost...
Warpeed was freaking awesome!! A FAMOUS GUY FLIRTED WITH ME!! He actually got yelled at because Im a minor.. HA!! AND I HAVE HIS EMAIL ADDRESS!!! His names Jeff, I wont tell you what band hes from because I dont wanna exploit him or anything but when he went up to perform he pointed at me and loptard and said this is for you two!! He signed the back of my t-shirt and kissed me on the cheek. AND HES LIKE 21!!! AND HE"S FAMOUS!!! AND HE FLIRTED WITH ME OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!! AHAHAHAHA!! Okay more details on the bands and my actual day tomorrow, my feet are killing me (9 hours standing up) and i have some battle wounds from the mosh pit... nothing major though... I wasn't like bleeding or anything. During the Used's performance some dudes eyebrow ring got ripped out... I think that was like the biggest injury though... the medical tent was like empty the whole time. And omg during the suicide machines' show, they overthrew an icecream truck... anyway, details later, ha! Okay I'm gonna try and get some rest and calm down... hehe... oh and I met TBS I have their autographs... my FAVE band... and I met starting line too, but just a hug, I got there too late so they wouldnt sign and if we werent allowed to take pictures, someone got a camera confinscated right in front of me and i wasnt gonna risk it. Anyway nite nite dearies <33

Weeee!!!!!!!!

Okay i am so stoked... leaving in an hour for warped!! ack! And I have my period... my freaking PERIOD!!! On a day as grand as today, in which I'll be jumping and running around like a maniac... God decided today to bestow upon me, my period. Okay so maybe this is too much information, but I am ultra pissed... I have awful cramps and I alread took 2 doses of alieve... hasn't gotten me anywhere!! meh... anyway lemme go eat something!! AHHH!!!

<33

Okay well I decided it was time for a change, with the new school year coming up and all. Anyway, the links section is a little screwey and I should probably fix the tag board up because the sizing is weird, I also have to put up a commenting system... But, I need to go te bed now because warped is tommorrow!! yay!! Nite world <33

PS Timo doesnt hate me

You are StrongBad. You hate everyone, especially
HomeStar. Your e-mails and prank calls are
hilarious. You're my favorite character. You
try to be evil, but sorry, being shirtless with
boxing gloves just isn't scary. Don't worry
what everone else thinks because hey, they are
all "crap for brains".


What HomeStarRunner Character are you? (pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

"Auto response from Miindfreek: Imagine loving sombody with more than you even have. Lets say you took out a loan to love them because you didnt have enough love in your body to give to them. Thats how much you love them. And they get really mad at you in the middle of a heated argument, and you tell them that you should both calm down for a bit. So when you finally calm down, you go to check on your love, who opens the door with a colt 45 and pumps a few rounds into your chest. then realizing you havent said im sorry yet, kicks you in the ribs untill you puke. Leaving you in just hardly good enough condition to survive."

... think he's forgiven me yet?

Random conversation of the week
Jen: i need a nickname to bother you with... a really nice embarrassing one so that i can call it whilst your in the middle of the hall
Josh: big penis
Jen: yes but thats not true. you wouldnt want me to LIE would you?
Josh: lol, no. must be honest... moderate penis
Jen: moderate penis... still exxagerating a bit but i suppose it could work
Josh: lol
Jen: okay moderate penis it is... or duck face... your choice

Oh, and here are quotes that made me feel nice...

"The wind was extra fierce and stormy today and blew me right off my feet. At first I was scared until I realised that I love to fly. "
"When I knelt down and gave the tree a present it said Thank-you then asked me why. I said, because you give me joy. But I am a shabby tree, he said. No, I told him, you are beautiful."
"while most people searched forever for the needle, she enjoyed the hay"

And now its time for me to retract last night's statement... except I'm not going to. Well quite obviously, after Tim read that he REALLY hates me, which is understandable... but it still sucks. The reason I'm not going to retract my previous post or delete it or anything is because at that moment in time I hated the entire world, including Tim and my best friends and Matt. Now we all know me, and therefore we all know that I don't really hate everyone and that I don't really think all that stuff about Tim. I needed to vent though, and vent I did... I refuse to censor my blog... it is MY blog, my thoughts, my little shack of comfort and I took refuge in my blog and that is understandable, isn't it? Now I'm not apologizing for all that I said because I only wrote what I was thinking and everyone has been warned that this blog contains my thoughts and if you don't want to read it, no ones making you. The choice is all yours. Now Tim chose to read my blog, knowing full well that I was absolutely livid with him, as he was with me, and now he no longer wants to talk to me. I tried to apologize for hurting his feelings, but he wouldn't allow me to. And well, I didn't stop talking to him when he wrote in his blog how much he hated Matt and was mad at me and all that stuff so I don't think it fair that he treats me that way. Usually, I try and control my bitter animosity, but it can't always be helped. I am only human, and it is in fact human nature that when we get hurt by someone or something we either fear it or we hurt it back a million times worse so that it would never even attempt to hurt us again. Tim hurt me and, well, I do not fear Tim, if you get what I am saying. Now I also phsyco analyzed the situation because we all know that I think way too much about things, but hey that's how I am. And I came to the conclusion that it wasn't only Tim who I was mad at, but various other idiots, but his petty argument and his vicarious (I hope I'm using the correct definition of this word, because I DO indeed fear Laura and her evil grammatical corrections) behavior did push me over the edge. If Tim was going to have the audacity to disrespect me like that, well than I was going to be an angry sataristic wench. He knew full well what he was getting into. Anyway, the fact of the matter is that, I was indeed livid with Tim, but along with him I was quite mad with much of the world, which is probably why I reacted with such rash anger.

Now, as of the moment I am not angry with anyone. I'm sure I'll be mad with my dad gets home and he yells at me on the account of me not finishing cleaning my room, but right now I'm quite calm. In fact, I'm excited. And do you know WHY I'm excited?!?!? Well do you!!??.... because my warped ticket came this morning. I bought a really cool vintage shirt for $6... it's yellow-orange with palm trees on it and it's very cool... very cool indeed. I supposse I'll wear it to warped with only-God-knows-what-pants. Josh keeps making fun of me for being "all emo and eww" so instead of duck face, on the first day of school I'm going to tackle the student body vice president and instead of calling him duck face, I'm going to shout his new nickname for the time being "insanely small penis" (Laura clean thoughts please). Anyway I've got to find Stephanie's phone number and see if we should meet somewhere for warped. I cannot fine my phonebook so if anyone would like to help me by giving me the number, I would deeply appreciate it. Anyway I'm off to at least make my bed before my dad throws a fit. Oh and for the taco party, I can only go if I get a ride, so if anyone (say Robbie or Roma) can offer me a ride I'd deeply appreciate it.. Goodbye all.

<33

"i hate that i think, given the chance, i might love him."

Laura remembered how e-hugs freaked me out. She's the only one...

And she also remembered my favorite song..

I love my pyro so much.

okay i havent felt like writing in a while and I was going to today and then time had to be the most UNBELIEVABLE prick. First he was like the biggest jerk to me and he was like yelling at me for NO REASON and then I told him to not be such a prat and to be a gentlemen and not to disrespect me. And then he got mad cause I told him what to do!! and then I got even more livid and I told him that id tell him what to do as much as I damn well please if he was going to disrespect me like that and then he got more upset and told me to shutup and left. And I was not in the greatest mood today. Whoever knows my recent life's events (all of the fellowship because news gets around fast to 7 people, which are the only people who really read this plus erica) knows that I havent been in the greatest of moods as if late. And Tim just let me know that I will not hear from him until I "get it" that I cannot "put someone in their place" and I'm here to let Tim, my EX-best friend (yes this sounds ver 4th grade but hey I'm MAD... in both senses of the word..) that I am not going to ever speak to his disrespectful, woe-is-me, lets hate Jen cause she likes another guy and tim isnt the center of her universe, I'm-going-to-commit-suicide-if-you-dare-post-this-Jen, Hey lets make Jen feel bad and blame all my misery on her, angsty, Jen-don't-walk-around-in-your-snoopy-underwear-because-I'm-a-freaking-pervert, "Your-dad-is-rightfully-mad-at-you-even-though-you-dont-wanna-hear-it-Jen", stupid, prick self ever again!! (or at least until I'm not mad anymore and you decide to stop acting like an idiot). Can you believe it!!? HE yelled at ME!! And I have a feeling he blocked me too... because I accidentily pressed the warn button while trying to minimize a stupid microsoft explorer window with Robs stupid 4th blog in 2 months. RRrrr. And I even told him it was an accident and thats not even a reason to get freaking mad.. its freaking AOL!! Who CARES!!?? He made the biggest deal out of the stupidest tiniest mistake that doesnt even matter and now I'm in ultra-wench mode. And Matt isnt even talking to me because he KNOWS I like him, but he probably thinks I'm weird and it doesnt even matter because he lives in a freaking different TIME ZONE and if he wants to talk to me so bad or actually liked me at all (PLATONICALLY PEOPLE!!) he would make the effort to talk to me. And Rob left me alone with stupid rich and his girlfriend who is very sweet actually, but I didnt want to hang out with HER!! SHE's not my friend.. Rich is... and I didnt even get to tell him anything thats happened and Ive missed him so and I havent seen him since June. And so I had this strange girl in my house and I had to sit through priates of the carribean with him and his rachel and I didnt even get to scream with laura when johnny Depp and Orlando sword fought. And Tim is the stupidest stupid person I ever did know... and I know ALOT of stupid people. And best friends dont just say theyre not gonna talk to you again or yell at you for no reason when they KNOW how crappy your feeling and they dont act like prats towards you. And Tims having some party and I am so not going. Let everyone else go... hes not a prick with them so they should all have fun. And then I got this letter from steve and I dont even know how to respond. I guess I'll just throw some marbles in an envelope and send it over. And my fingers have callouses at the tips (my left hand only) and one of them started bleeding today cause I've been playing my guitar nonstop for the past 4 days which probably explains why i havent had time to write and they really hurt and i had to cut my nails... the ones i have been working so hard not to bite so that they could be all pretty and i had to cut them cause it was just too hard to play the guitar with em long so now theyre all weird and i took my nail polish off but its still sort of on my cuticles and it refuses to come off and y nails still look slightly pink from the bright red polish cause i didnt put clear nail polish under it and then I found out one of the girls on MTV's surf girls name's is "Jen Pollock"... how weird is that? and now I cant wait fopr the X games and I'm all set to watch it with Eri whilst eating pizza hut (muahahahaha) and cias party was great and I danced the night away and now I'm italian and Eric translated italian songs for me and I talked to roma of childhood friends and warped is saturday and i still need to buy pants and if I go meet Steff and John theres the possibility of the whole sucking face the whole time thing that Snoopy brought up and I hate stupid run on sentences and incorrect grammar but I'm too lazy to fix it and I'm about ::this:: close to deciding that at this moment in time i HATE tim for almost making me cry like the stupid idiot he is and I hate him for making me worry about him and I hate him for making me not want to hate him and I just plain hate him. And I hate Laura for being right about everything and I hate Roma for being such a good person and I hate Kayla because she's so smart and beautiful and I hate Rob for not caring and I hate Rich for getting a girlfriend and casting me out of the center of his world and I hate Steve for sending me that God forsaken letter and for always taking pictures of me and I hate Smith for being a stupid prick and I hate Ed for not letting me be Robin and I hate Cia for not talking to me anymore and finding a new bestie and I hate steff and Laura and Cia for having those stupid nicknames that bind them together and I hate Matt for being so pretty and I hate Marc for losing my tuner and I hate Gampat for touching my butt and I hate Josh for looking like a duck and making me laugh when I just want to kill him and I hate Stephen for never shutting up and I hate Jordan for forgetting me and I hate Erica for being so beautiful and I hate Angie because Grandma loves her more than all of us put together and I hate my dad because I can never live up to his standards and I hate my mom because she was selfish enough to die and just leave me here with out her and I hate Jaymie for being the stupid wench she is and for making my dad cheat on my mom and I hate my stupid notebooks for all the feelings they contain and I hate my guitar because my fingers hurt and I hate this stupid blog.. Yes YOU! I hate you for making me write in you. I hate you because this is the only thing I'm good at the only thing I have. Im not smart or gorgeous or insanely funny or even all that creative. All I can do is write. And I can't even write with proper grammar and spelling without the help of stupid microsoft word and I hate that too. Yeah, and I hate you... all of you. And do you know why i hate you? Because I can.

Stupid prats.

And you'll remember today as the day you almost captured captain Jack Sparrow!!! savvy!!

Would you believe it
Those sapphire eyes
The brilliant girl with the famous thighs
Then the cameras click then we are stars
Lauring in the back of chauffered cars
Phone call rings and your voice is desire
Then winter moves into summer fires
I promised you whats ours is ours
Somewhere backstage with Sean and Lars
I go crazy when you walk in the room
I laugh at myself with the girl in bloom
The taste of sex couldnt be too soon
All afternoon then
LA parties in the phony lands
Phony grabs with the manicured hands
I always thought you were pretty like a whip... to lazy to finish... cause i keep on forgetting myself...

The second summer of the sisterhood

I have just finished reading the greatest book and now I am in tears (makes sense doesn't it?) I won't spill the beans, but I will tell you it was the most amazing story about frienship and love.... In fact it reminded me of the kind of bond I have with the girlies of the fellowship- Laura, Roma, and Cia. With Cia more like Lena, Roma who is alot like Carmen, Laura who is a cross between Bee and Tibby, and I whom I think is like Bee... I could relate to her in more ways than one. Still crying at the beautiful story... Everyone out there go read it!! The second summer of the sisterhood by Ann Brashares. It might help to read the first book, The sisterhood of the traveling pants, as well.

Now for book quotes!!

"Oh who can tell. Save he whose heart hath tried"
- Lord Byron

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered"
- Nelson Mandela

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
- Jack Handey

"Men occaisonally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened"
- Winston Churchill

"... You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."
- E.L. Doctorow

"Lovers alone wear sunlight"
E.E. Cummings

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."
- William Goldman

"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once."
- Graffiti

"Sometimes you need to make a mess."
- Loretta, the Rollinses' housekeeper

"Fear is that little dark-room where negatives are developed."
- Michael Pritchard

"The centaurs were invited too, for though wild and lawless they were nontheless distant relatives."
D'Aulaires' book of Grees Myths

"Please give me a second grace."
- Nick Drake

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
- John Lehman

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequitted love"
- Charlie Brown

"There are two tradgedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it."
- George Benard Shaw

"What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life."
- Walt Whitman

"He made the world to be a grassy road before her wandering feet."
- W.B. Yeats

"There is no remedy to love than to love more."
- Henry David Thoreau

"A pidgeon is the same as a dove. Did you know that?"
- Bridget Vreeland

"Pools of sorrow, waves of joy."
- John Lennon and Maul McCartney

'Let me feel now what sharp distress I may"
- Charles Dickens

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundraand then suddenly it flips over. At night, the ice weasels come."
- Matt Groening

"We are born not once, ut again and again."
- William Charles

"Let the golden age begin"
- Beck

Anyways I'm off yt bed... must wake uup early tommorrow.
Until next time <33