blog is dead. New blog: http://www.ineradicableme.blogspot.com/

wow it seemed so simple at first

[ ] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[x] I am for Bush. (but just barely)
[x] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[x] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[x] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x]I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x]I am really ticklish.
[ ] I see a therapist.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[ ] bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[x] Gotten lost in your city.
[x] Saw a shooting star
[ ]Been to any other countries besides the united states
[ ] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] I have Kissed a Stranger
[x] Hugged a stranger
[ ] Been in a fist fight
[x] Been arrested
[ ] Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] Made out in an elevator
[ ] Swore at your parents
[x]Kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] Been in love
[ ] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[x] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[ ] Flashed someone
[x] Saw a therapist
[ ] Done the splits
[x] Played spin the bottle
[x] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Shoplifted
[x] Been fired (note I get fired and rehired weekly. Thats just my life.)
[ ] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[x] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[ ] Lied to a friend
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ]Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[x] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[x] Been to Canada
[x] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[x] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[ ] Been Skiing
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ] Lost a child
[ ] Gone to college
[ ] Graduated college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[x] Miss someone right now

Sitting at Pizza Dance with Ubair, enjoying his 19th birthday and making fun of the movie Constantine, whilst discussing why it is that people actually hire Keanu Reeves. Suddenly we look down at the pie sitting in between us, beside our snapple iced teas. There is one slice left. We look at the pizza, eachother, and then back down at that last, blessed slice. We stare at eachother in a battle of mind control and wits. I will not succomb to his jedi mind tricks.

Suddenly his eyes turn red. Mine turn green. In a blinding flash of light it has become a battle for the last slice of pizza. King Kong vs. Godzilla. Alien vs. Predator. He are grappeling and fighting and kicking eachother beneath the table. Suddenly, I feel a pain in my fore arm. So sharp that the world spins beneath me. I am nauseated and my hand is now numb. Wounded, I stumble away from the slice. I look down at my arm. Two tiny, red marks. Puncture wounds.

I look at him from across the table. He is giggling like an idiot, cheese hanging from his mouth. Victory shines in his eyes like the tomato sauce shines on his chin. He has won. He has cheated, he has BITTEN ME, but none the less, he has won. But I will not accept this unfair defeat. Though still dizzy, I look for a way to make him pay for what he has done. I kick him. The slice falls from his mouth as he screeches in agony. With my good arm I grab the slice and rip off the lower half.

Victory is mine. I fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the face.

He who laughs last, laughs... the.. uh... laughiest.
Muahahahahahaha!

"Hey Loser." Those were the first words he uttered to me, after tripping me on the second day of school. Little did I know, some 7 months later he would become my best friend.

This year I transfered to a new highschool, thus leaving all of my old friends, pretty much the only friends I had aside from a few church and neighborhood kids. I went from a pretty big, nicely equipped private highschool tucked away in the suburbs, to an over crowded dirty public city school in Elmhurst NewYork. It's safe to say that I was pretty miserable when I first arrived at the school. I didn't know anyone and wasn't sure how I'd survive in a new school during my senior year. And thats when I met Ubair Amin. Fellow cynic plagued with a vehement sarcasm for the general world around him and an awesome writer. On some levels, it was almost as if we shared a brain, and on others it was like we were on opposite ends of a spectrum.

I never thought Ubair would become one on my best friends. Sure, he was someone to talk to in class, and although he was my editor for my section in the school newspaper, his tendency to procrastinate was almost as bad as mine. It was funny because he never thought he'd get attatched to me either. Apparently upon meeting me he thought I was "offgaurdish and depressed." Little did he know.

It wasn't until one day in November that we realized how close we had gotten. My best friend's brother had just recently died in Iraq, my older brother's plane had gotten shot down there and he was in a coma. We were watching a video in class called Control Room, about the Al Jazeera news station based in Iraq. They had shown some gruesome image of American soldiers strewn dead all over the floor.

And that's when I stormed out of the class, tears in my eyes, freaking out like an idiot as is usual with me. I expected to just walk around until I calmed down some, and then go back for my books when the class was over. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around, and there was Ubair. He asked if I was okay, and I said yes, and he called me a liar. I started to cry, he tried to hug me. I hit him and tried to push him away. He didn't let me go. Then he cried with me. See, thats the thing with Ubair. Being Arab, it hurts him when he sees his people dying, just as much as it hurts me when I see mine. We both hate war, hate violence, hate whats going on. Yet we understand that sometimes stupid things happen. Things that aren't fair. The only difference, he feels alone so often because of it, and I have a God who holds me when I cry.

I never thought I'd get this attatched to him. I never thought I'd get another big brother. When he told me how sick he was, I wasn't sure what I'd do. Yes you read correctly. He's sick. My best friend is dying of kidney disease. Doctors say he now only has a year, 2 tops. I usually try not to think of it. Its selfish of me to think about how bad it hurts, when its really him whos hurting. We make alot of plans for the future, backpacking across Europe, future jobs and books being published, talk about how when he gets married I better be his best man and how I have to wear a tie. And then he gets sick, and is in the hospital, and it reminds me... reminds us, that theres a chance none of that will ever get to happen.

I tell him I pray for him, that maybe he's a miracle. That my God can reign down fire and I know he can heal him. And he reminds me that he doesn't believe in God, and even if he did, sometimes God lets people die. He told me that if he dies, he doesn't want anyone to tell me. He says that he would rather that I think he's an arrogant jerk who forgot about me than have to lose someone else that I love. He said that he wasn't afraid to die before. But now that he's in love with Christina, and now that he has an erratic analytical best friend who actually gets him and likes him despite some major character flaws, he doesn't want to.

What scares me the most is his rejection of God. I think maybe He put us together for a reason, I hope so. I mean, Ubair knows I'm christian, knows my love for the Lord. And although he occaisonally teases me about it, he respects me for it. And its like, I don't know what to say. Its like that song, "Father hear my prayer, I need the perfect words. Words that he will hear, and know they're straight from you. I don't know what to say, I only know it hurts to see my only friend slowly fade away... Here I go again talking about the rain and mulling over things that don't live past today and as I dance around the truth, time is not his friend. This might be my last chance to tell him that you love him, so here I go again."

Sometimes, times like now, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose him. I don't know.

GAH! I just realized that I'm gonna be overseas for Creationfest!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

For those who don't know, creationfest=christian woodstock

GAH.

Quote of the day:

Me: "Hey Kim, What are you eating?"
Kim: "Soup."
Me: "Hey Kim, what am I eating?"
Kim: "I don't know... your fingers?"

Although she is the reason for half of the near annurisms I almost have, and has a knack for driving me as mad as she is, she is still my sister. And I love her.

Sorry for my rather depressed updates. My own bitter phsyche won't stop antagonizing me.

Here's to Drew, and Jim... and Mom.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Dads getting married friday, I know I should be happy... but I'm really not.
Gah. Too messed up in la cabesa to really write anything worth reading.

Tim managed to throroughly scare the bejeezus out of me last nite. Thank God he stayed on the phone with me until I fell asleep. Note the the not so wise: Talk of UFOs and Demons at 3 am will scare me to the point of my losing my mind.

Its okay tim, I love watermelons too.